No wonder he’s so crabby all the time. Still, those have to be some big roids to interfere with his game.

to burn off the piles? It’d be tough to play with them there hem-roids. He needs to get those fixed.

On the flip side, the Tigers might be able to spin this into a new promotion night.

1. “He knocked that ball down with his, um…what is that bulge in the back of his uniform?”

1. “Guillen dives back into first on a pick-off play. The tag got him on the, ...what the? He appears to have a load in his pants”

1. “He’s taking this pinch between the cheek and gum thing a little too far.”

And of course, no roid list is complete without the classic:

1. “Rectum, darn near killed ‘em.”

You’re tellin’ me you DONT want to know about the inner workings of Carlos Guillen’s ass-crack?

So he’s on the juice.

You gotta wonder what the locker room atmosphere is like now…It’d be pretty cool to be in the majors, but things like this and Silva having a case of the green-apple splatters on the mound last year that makes me wonder if I would really be OK with people knowing about ALL of my bodily functions.

1980. A Hall of Fame case of hemorrhoids that eventually required surgery.

Brett maintained the pine tar incident finally helped put the notoriety of the problem behind him.

When I saw why he was injured, I said “That’s why my lineup’s been such a pain in the ass.”

Rimshot.