All the Headlines Fit To Not Print
by Jon Marthaler on Dec 14, 2009 9:00 AM EST
in WTF
14 comments
The Winter Meetings are over, the Twins have offered contracts to all of their arbitration-eligible players, and so the news has, for the moment, slowed down. (This statement will be officially null and void, should Joe Mauer choose to favor us with an early Christmas present.)
So, with the headlines slowing a bit, it's time to fall back on the old standby of lazy journalists everywhere: making stuff up! Below, some of the headlines you won't be seeing over the next few days:
Bill Smith Tenders Contract To Hot Fudge Sundae
Official team site headline: "Smith locks up important piece"
Team Has To Gently Explain Trade to Carlos Gomez for Fourth Time
"I really hope it's just a language thing," say team officials
Cuddyer's Masterpiece: Magician Makes Metrodome Disappear
On same day, Yanks' Sabathia makes fourteen hot dogs and an entire fried chicken disappear
Timberwolves, Wild DIscuss Contract Extensions With Mauer's Agent
May fill third-line right wing, shooting guard holes
Redmond Still Planning To Report To Spring Training
Security to begin extended details on January 1 in hopes of avoiding bloodbath on reporting day
ESPN SportsCenter Special: Target Field - Brett Favre Finally Speaks!
How does this affect Tiger Woods?
CERN Large Hadron Collider Experiments Prove: Prince Fielder's Pants Don't Fit
Researchers hope new theories explain how pants can be built so large
Joe Mauer Displays First Signs of Personality
Doctors hope he may utter first interesting quote within six months
Justin Morneau Still Debating Fan Letter to Spuds Mackenzie
Letter was written in 1989
Wouldn't it be a more interesting world, though?
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Something also interesting...
Lackey to the BoSox for 5 years/$85 million.
How disappointing.
"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all." -Earl Weaver
That sucks
I hate Boston almost as much as NYY.
"Is it normal to wake up in the morning in a sweat because you can't wait to beat another human's guts out?" -Joe Kapp
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Dec 14, 2009 5:46 PM EST up reply actions
Yeah.
But it looks like the Angels got Matsui? Weird, weird.
"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all." -Earl Weaver
Disappointing that the Red Sox overpayed for a 30-36 year old pitcher with an injury history?
by lookatthosetwins on Dec 14, 2009 8:45 PM EST up reply actions
No, no, that part's okay.
Disappointing that given the history between the teams, he’d end up there. Just unfortunate for Angels fans. :\
"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all." -Earl Weaver
Honestly, if I was an angels fan, I don't know what I'd do right now
Think if we had traded Johan Santana to the Red Sox and Torii Hunter signed with the White Sox? I think I would have taken a leave of absense from baseball for a while.
by lookatthosetwins on Dec 15, 2009 3:37 PM EST up reply actions
I think the more accurate analogy
would be both Hunter and Santana signing with other teams, no trades. The Angels get nothing for Figgins or Lackey. Pretty ugly offseason so far, with few front line pitching options out there.
by Adam Peterson on Dec 16, 2009 2:50 PM EST up reply actions
No bloodbath in Ft Myers
Reddog will be unarmed and unclothed.
"Is it normal to wake up in the morning in a sweat because you can't wait to beat another human's guts out?" -Joe Kapp
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Dec 14, 2009 5:47 PM EST reply actions
Did I miss something?
Did the Sox also sign Redmond? If so, they would have the oldest and slowest pair of catchers in the game.
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
Halladay traded
as long as he can reach an agreement on a contract extension with Philly. The interesting part of this trade is that Lee supposedly goes to Seattle for prospects. After trading for Bedard, who does Seattle have left in their system that Toronto or Philly would want?
Crazy, crazy stuff. The Angels in this trade make so much more sense, IMO. Especially after losing Lackey.
The Angels have to be hurting.
Losing Lackey to the BoSox? Ouch.
Matsui can’t really make up for that, I’m thinking.
"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all." -Earl Weaver
Yeah Matsui's not really much better than guerrero
Losing Figgins, Lackey, and Guerrero is pretty huge. I think the Mariners have got to be the favorites in the West at this point. What a ridiculously quick turnaround.
by lookatthosetwins on Dec 14, 2009 8:46 PM EST up reply actions
where'd Vlad Guerrero go?
he’s a DH and thats about it -at this point in his career….
I'd rather have Nick Punto playing 3B and Felipe Lopez playing 2B
than Punto playing 2B and Kouzy, Crede, DeRosa or Glaus playing 3B.
by SteveHoffmanSlowey on Dec 22, 2009 3:23 AM EST reply actions
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