TC Bear vs. The Cubby Bear: Who ya got?

by Jon Marthaler on Jun 12, 2009 10:48 AM EDT in WTF

The Twins hit Chicago today for a three-game series, and so it's time to break down the battle scientifically. Today's matchup: hometown mascot TC Bear, against legendary Wrigleyville watering hole The Cubby Bear.

Tcvscubby_medium

	TC Bear	The Cubby Bear	Advantage
Threat to...	Hug children without warning	Puke	TC Bear
Favorite postgame activity:	Riding ATV around on field	Gouging customers on price of Old Style	The Cubby Bear
Texture:	Fuzzy	Sticky	TC Bear
Serves nachos?	No	Yes	The Cubby Bear
Inside is...	Person who is tired of constantly getting punched in the crotch by youngsters	Fans who don't show up to the game until the third inning	Push
Eyes	Giant, unmoving, slightly haunting	Covered by beer goggles	The Cubby Bear
During the game	Shoots hot dogs out of large gun	Serves people who are too drunk to walk all the way over to the bleachers	TC Bear
Criticism	Scares small children	Overpriced, too many trendy idiots	Push

It's all so much easier when we break these things down logically.

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Comments

Nicely done

It isn’t so much easier to tell which is better, though – it came out a tie!

Mostly unrelated, but I don’t know that it merits a completely new post prior to the game thread: For people who are out of market or (like me) have an el-cheapo cable package that doesn’t have FSN, WGN’s website says that it’s carrying the games today and Sunday.

"There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

by BeefMaster on Jun 12, 2009 11:38 AM EDT reply actions

TC Bear

We all know TC wears a cup. And I think he shoots T-shirts. One of those Dome Dogs could kill ya if you weren’t expecting it coming your way!

The evils of a bear outdoors. They smell more in the sunshine comapred to an air-conditioned environs.

Visit www.TwinsCards.com and check out "rosters" to see my collection!

by rosterman on Jun 12, 2009 12:04 PM EDT reply actions

I love this.

I’m still not sure who to pick. I think I might have to play traitor and go against TC Bear…if only because I believe he purposely ignores me when firing things out of his gun.

by Jesse on Jun 12, 2009 7:12 PM EDT reply actions