Gardy: How’s our acquisitions coming?
Bill Smith: good, good
Gardy: Lew Ford back from Japan yet?
BS: Ummm, yeah, but….
Gardy: WHAT?
BS: Stupid Reds snatched him up. Had a scout at the airport. Signed him on the spot.
Gardy: Crap
Gardy: What about Jasony Tyner?
BS: Don’t know. He never answers the phone. We got calls in, I swear.
Gardy: You got to get me some players. I’m fighting for a division title here.
Gardy: What about Luisy Rivas? He’s in the Cubs minor leagues. Can we get him?
BS: They want Valencia. I had to say no deal.
Gardy: Hrrrmph. Matty Lecroy?
BS: He’s still got that pulled hammy from 2003.
Gardy: Jacquey Jones?
BS: Do we even have a spot in the OF?
Gardy: I can make a damn spot in the OF!
BS: I’ll make some more calls.

Gardy: Hey Bill…can we also look into acquiring Livan Hernandez?
BS: He was just signed by the Nationals…they want Justin Morneau for him.
Gardy: What about Sidney Ponson?
BS: Too drunk to pitch at the present time.
Gardy: Ramon Ortiz?
BS: On the DL with a bleeding testicle…
Gardy: Damn!
BS: I have looked into Brian Buchanan…
Gardy: Oh yeah? What do the Saints want for him?
BS: They want the patent to the Dome Dogs…
Gardy: We cant give them that…Mijares would refuse to pitch for me again!
BS: I’ll see what I can do…

Gardy: Who is Arizona sending us for Oeltjen and Romero.
BS: They got them for free. No room in our inn.
Gardy: Randy Ruiz still around.
BS: Bat off the bench for the Jays. Sorry.
Gardy: ANy cheap staretrs out there.
BS: Tried to get Eric Milton from the Dodgers, but they also want us to take Dougie M.
Gardy: Maybe if they threw in the Real Deal, too, I’m game!
BS: Was trying to get Carlos Silva…
Gardy: But we already have Blackburn. Two peas don’t make a pod.
BS: Would you take back Santana?
Gardy: Already got rid of two of the guys for next to nothing. We’d have to include Delmon and is there any pitcher you don’t want to protect…
BS: I was thinking infielder….
Gardy: Not Nick Punto…
BS: No, never. How about Toby Gardenhire
Gardy: And 120 million in salary for Johan. Of course, all those 2010 sellouts…
BS: Don’t tell anyone, but that grass on the field is…the real deal!