Joe Mauer clearly does not deserve the nickname "Baby Jesus." In my cherry-picked games, (5/4, 5/5, 5/28, 6/21, 6/23, 6/27, 6/29, 7/7, 7/11, 7/12, 7/19, 7/22, 7/27, 8/1, 8/24, 8/30, 9/8, 9/10), Mauer is 0 for 68, with 15 strikeouts and 0 walks! Who wants a player like that on their team? Mauer's season is best summarized by the July 12 game, where Mauer went 0 for 5 with 4 Ks.

And the Twins won that game anyway! In fact, even with Mauer's black hole in the lineup, the Twins still won 6 of the games I listed! Who needs Mauer anyway when the rest of the team can carry you through his awful 0-for-68 play!

Also, Joe Mauer is lazy. Everyone else started their season in April. That bum Mauer started his season in May! And all those times that Mauer walks? It's because he is too lazy to swing at the ball. Contrast this with Delmon Young, who is such a hard worker that he even swings at pitches that he can't hit! Mauer could learn a thing or two from Young's approach at the plate.

Other evidence that Mauer is lazy - Mauer has only one triple! One! You know who else has one triple? Nick Punto has one triple. Mike Redmond has one (hilarious) triple. Delmon Young has 2 triples! Why don't we just fire Mauer so we can give those guys more playing time?

Mauer is almost as bad as that Canadian slacker, Morneau, who is so bad that I won't even create a link to his name. Morneau is obviously worse in every way than Nick Punto, the people's hero. Come to think of it, we should fire both Lazy Joe and Slacker Justin.

And bring back Lew Ford! He had 4 triples in 2005, four times the triples Mauer has hit this year! And Lew Ford has a funny name, unlike boring Joe Mauer!