Dear Gardy: Letter from a Homer

Dear Gardy,

What can I say but, thank you for leading the Twins to the postseason once again. You have every right to be as upset as I am about these recent discussions questioning your abilities to manage the Twins in the playoffs. How dare they question your abilities!

You have proven every year--well at least six times--your ability to lead the Twins to playoff land. I know once you get your team in the playoffs that the players stop looking to you for advice and suggestions on how they should be prepared. I dare say they even ignore what you tell them.

Some people say that the team is not prepared once they get to the playoffs. This is just insulting. I know some of the players look lethargic and uninspired...why some of them even look like Bambi in the headlights. I guess our players are just a bunch of overpaid whiners. It couldn't possibly be that the Yankees are always better prepared than the Twins because that would mean you might be somewhat responsible, and I for one just can't believe that...why it makes me sick just thinking about it.

Some people also complain that you haven't led the Twins to the World Series. Well, I, for one, don't mind losing in the playoffs. I guess I'm like you in that way. I am proud of you for letting these losses roll off of your back without a care. I don't care either!! I'm just happy you're around (although, I must admit, I was a little bit disappointed not to see Nick Punto in those games). Twins baseball was a bore with Tom Kelly at the helm, and he was so mean to players who made mistakes. So what if he has a RING (I mean two rings)...big whoop-de-doo. You will always be a World Series hero in my heart even if we never actually win any games.

Some people have also questioned your ability to manage in the playoffs such as bunting in the first inning and giving up an easy out. How do we know how things will turn out? I'm sure that although you knew the Twins couldn't hold the Yankees scoreless because it had never happened in Twins playoff history against the Yankees that the loss was a given. I thought this was a fantastic decision. It's much better to lose 10-1 than 10-0!!!! One of those players may remember scoring a run against the evil Yankees and be able to tell his grand kids about it. Way to think futuristically!!!

Also, those evil Yankees get paid so much. They aren't overrated like some folks would like you to believe. Your players just can't compete against that money and when you couple that with Twins players' bad attitudes, the Twins have no hope. I am actually proud of the fact that you filled the team with a kind of hopelessness that brings the players into a state of reality. The Twins players should realize who they are playing and not get too confident when they already know they have no chance. Why should they get their "pie-in-the-sky" hopes up? Just to have them dashed? I think not!! (You're always thinking about the players' makes a tear come to my eye.)

Also, as some wise people have said, you can't hit for the Twins in clutch situations and you can't get batters out in critical situations. That means it is all on the players! You have NO RESPONSIBILITY for the Twins losses so don't fret about it, but of course, I know you are COMPLETELY RESPONSIBLE for the Twins making the playoffs and for that I give you +1000 kudos. Those people who question you, they all must be a bunch of nerds who think winning in the playoffs is something the Twins should aspire to. Frankly, I don't care if we ever win another game in the playoffs. I'm just happy to see you sitting in the dugout knowly that the bliss we feel, even when getting stomped by those evil/cheating Yankees, will continue for another season (please don't let this fantasy end by listening to the crazies who think you aren't as wonderful as you and Twins management believe you are).

Finally, I just want to close with this, "Gardenhire forever, may the doubters arguments be severed."


Love a real Homer


PS-Again, I say please don't listen to those who think that you had anything to do with the Twins playoff losses. Sure the Twins are setting playoff loss records, but remember: IT'S ALL THE PLAYERS. NONE OF THE FAULT IS YOURS; YOU'RE ONLY THE MANAGER AND THE MANAGER HAS NO RESPONSIBILITY for how a team plays!


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