The Homehank Redemption

I noticed that Captain Hadley is pitching for the Yankees today.  In the stat preview picture, he even has that what me shit eating grin that he had when the police showed up at the ballpark/pen to arrest him.  As if to say, I admitted I did drugs, so what the heck is this all about?  Never mind that his arm would have fallen off many playoff victories ago if not for the fact that he illegally regrew his ligaments several years ago.  And though Captain Hadley has thrashed and beat our boys for years and years, every bully has his day of reckoning...

Red walked into the front/parole office and sat down opposite Gardy, Smith, and another guy.  "I can't make it on the outside.  I'm institutionalized.  Don't cut me, Skip."  

"Well, if you like prison so much, there's always Cleveland," said Smith. 

Red's eyes teared up.  "But I want to be there when we break out."  But no avail.  Before he left, he pulled aside Joe "Tall Drink of Water" Mauer aside, the shy, kind kid that nobody thought would make it one game in the majors.  He said Andy, I mean Joe, if you ever get back to the playoffs, do something for me.  There's a brick at Target field, out in the bullpen.  It's a black brick and has no business being there.  It's a loose brick.  Go find it, and pull it out for me.

And with that Red was gone.  Joe only heard from him one time--a blank postcard with a picture of a polluted river and rundown buildings in the background.

Meanwhile, life went on behind the high walls.  Joe tried to keep the gang together.  Jim "Brooks" Thome helped, as he shuffled around the basepaths, pushing his heavy cart of books.  But the odds were against them from the start.  Joe "Heywood" Nathan got shanked by Boggs before the season even started, and Justin "Floyd" Morneau got shanked halfway through the movie, er, season.  But they still managed to be in Oscar/Pennant contention.  Only unfortunately, that same year they had to contend with another team/film.  The Titanic Yankees.

It didn't look good after game one.  The warden had locked up the good bats and our boys were left with the Ass Bats.  This was about the point in the movie that Carl "Tommy" Pavstache spoke up.  He was a good looking, dark haired, dark eyed lad with thick lustrous sideburns/mustache.  He told Joendy DuMauerFresne this story,

"So I was doing time some time in Gotham.  Four years.  Easy time.  Had a sweet gig in the infirmary.  So anyways, I was in there a lot, and those guys would always come in and shoot up with all kinds of crazy shit.  I mean all the time.  It explains a lot don't it?  I mean how many 40 year old guys can throw like that?  But by far the biggest user was Captain Hadley.  I swear to you, his elbow is so perforated with needle holes that his whole forearm could fly off at any second.  Anyways, I obviously didn't do that crap, and they hated me for it.  But I guess I'm trying to say those guys just ain't real, and I know it, and I ain't afraid of em."

It was about this time that Joendy DuMauerFresne remembered what Red had said about the Brick.  He ran out to the bullpen and found that odd-looking black brick and pulled it out.  Behind it was an empty sunflower seed bag with a note inside.  On it was scrawled a cryptic message, just three letters: NBP.  He knew exactly what it meant.  He came back to the clubhouse, leaned back against his locker and contemplated.  Everybody was quiet.  Finally Brooks Thome asked him what he was thinking.  This is all he said: "Its time to either get busy hittin, or get busy flyin(out)."  And with that he took off all his clothes and went to batting practice.

And so it came to pass that Captain Hadley was turned out as a fraud, and Warden Girardi, seeing the writing on the wall, reached into his desk...and pulled out a pen and signed a contract with the Cubs.  And Joendy DuMauerFresne and the rest of the gang crawled through a ten game post-season losing streak of shit and came out clean on the other side.

Click on link for a picture of Captain Hadley having a mound conference with Officer Texeira and Officer Jeter.

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