Team Awesome 2011

I don't really see why people are having so much trouble coming up offseason moves the Twins can make. It's really simple if you think about it. Observe:

Free Agent Signings

This is where the Twins can make a splash and show that we're really playing with the big teams now.

Sign Cliff Lee

Bam! Take that Yankees! Oh yeah! And we're just getting started:

Sign Carl Crawford

If we are worried about our outfield defense, signing Crawford goes a long way towards fixing that. Next up:

Sign Jayson Werth

Fulfills our needs for RH power bat and homeless man all in one. Not done yet though:

Sign Mariano Rivera

Here's our closer in case Nathan isn't 100%. About halfway through our free agents now:

Sign Rafael Soriano

More closer insurance. Leading to:

Sign Carl Pavano

He has a secret role yet to be revealed... But we're just getting started:


He needs to hit #600 as a Twin, enough said. And we can bring back one of his old teammates:

Sign Manny Ramirez

He will also fill a position of need, as I don't intend to bring back JJ Hardy. Finally:

Sign Airwolf

He seems like a versatile utility helicopter that should be able to play any position on or above the field.


Judging by the free agents, we're going all out. So let's make some trades to round things off.

Trade the Phillies for Roy Halladay and Chase Utley

Since we're signing Crawford and Werth, they probably need an OF. I bet Cuddyer + unnamed prospects gets this done.

Trade the Mariners for Felix Hernandez and David Aardsma

We all know the Mariners need offense. Kubel + prospects is enough.

Trade the Royals for Zack Greinke and Joakim Soria

The Royals always seem to have really sucky managers. So let's kill two birds with one stone. TRADE GARY to the Royals!

Trade the Rays for Evan Longoria and Ben Zobrist

I figure they probably miss Brendan Harris, so we'll trade Harris + prospects.

Trade the Rangers for Neftali Feliz and Josh Hamilton

Nick Blackburn is from Oklahoma. He can probably see Texas from his house. I bet that's enough to pique the Rangers' interest. Blackburn + prospects and it's a deal.

Trade the Giants for Brian Wilson

For some reason they must want Glen Perkins, right? Let's imagine they do. Perkins + prospects finishes off our trades.


Sign LNP as team mascot. He'll have to compete with TC Bear in spring training but I think he can win out in the end.

Pavstache replaces Gary as manager. The stache will motivate this team to win like nothing else!

Offseason surgery separates conjoined twins/Twins Demon Young and Elmon Young. Elmon gets DFA'd. Demon gets extended.


C - Joe Mauer

1B - Justin Morneau

2B - Chase Utley

SS - Manny Ramirez

3B - Evan Longoria

DH - Demon Young

OF - Jayson Werth

OF - Carl Crawford

OF - Josh Hamilton

Bench - Ben Zobrist

Bench - Jim Thome

Bench - Airwolf

Bench - Sweet Drew Butera (as if Pavstache as manager would ever allow someone else as backup)

SP - Roy Halladay

SP - Cliff Lee

SP - Felix Hernandez

SP - Francisco Liriano

SP - Zack Greinke

RP - Joe Nathan

RP - Mariano Rivera

RP - Neftali Feliz

RP - Rafael Soriano

RP - Joakim Soria

RP - Brian Wilson

RP - David Aaaaaaaaaaardsma

Mascot - LNP

Manager - Pavstache

Total Salary - The Pohlads decide to pay for everything so the Twins can win, so salary is not an issue.

Total Formatting of this article - Very little.


This really isn't that hard. This team is a clear upgrade, it is within salary considerations, and we don't give up any star prospects. Case closed.

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