Team Awesome 2011
by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Nov 9, 2010 12:05 AM EST
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PrintI don't really see why people are having so much trouble coming up offseason moves the Twins can make. It's really simple if you think about it. Observe:
Free Agent Signings
This is where the Twins can make a splash and show that we're really playing with the big teams now.
Sign Cliff Lee
Bam! Take that Yankees! Oh yeah! And we're just getting started:
Sign Carl Crawford
If we are worried about our outfield defense, signing Crawford goes a long way towards fixing that. Next up:
Sign Jayson Werth
Fulfills our needs for RH power bat and homeless man all in one. Not done yet though:
Sign Mariano Rivera
Here's our closer in case Nathan isn't 100%. About halfway through our free agents now:
Sign Rafael Soriano
More closer insurance. Leading to:
Sign Carl Pavano
He has a secret role yet to be revealed... But we're just getting started:
Sign JIM THOME
He needs to hit #600 as a Twin, enough said. And we can bring back one of his old teammates:
Sign Manny Ramirez
He will also fill a position of need, as I don't intend to bring back JJ Hardy. Finally:
Sign Airwolf
He seems like a versatile utility helicopter that should be able to play any position on or above the field.
Trades
Judging by the free agents, we're going all out. So let's make some trades to round things off.
Trade the Phillies for Roy Halladay and Chase Utley
Since we're signing Crawford and Werth, they probably need an OF. I bet Cuddyer + unnamed prospects gets this done.
Trade the Mariners for Felix Hernandez and David Aardsma
We all know the Mariners need offense. Kubel + prospects is enough.
Trade the Royals for Zack Greinke and Joakim Soria
The Royals always seem to have really sucky managers. So let's kill two birds with one stone. TRADE GARY to the Royals!
Trade the Rays for Evan Longoria and Ben Zobrist
I figure they probably miss Brendan Harris, so we'll trade Harris + prospects.
Trade the Rangers for Neftali Feliz and Josh Hamilton
Nick Blackburn is from Oklahoma. He can probably see Texas from his house. I bet that's enough to pique the Rangers' interest. Blackburn + prospects and it's a deal.
Trade the Giants for Brian Wilson
For some reason they must want Glen Perkins, right? Let's imagine they do. Perkins + prospects finishes off our trades.
Misc
Sign LNP as team mascot. He'll have to compete with TC Bear in spring training but I think he can win out in the end.
Pavstache replaces Gary as manager. The stache will motivate this team to win like nothing else!
Offseason surgery separates conjoined twins/Twins Demon Young and Elmon Young. Elmon gets DFA'd. Demon gets extended.
Roster
C - Joe Mauer
1B - Justin Morneau
2B - Chase Utley
SS - Manny Ramirez
3B - Evan Longoria
DH - Demon Young
OF - Jayson Werth
OF - Carl Crawford
OF - Josh Hamilton
Bench - Ben Zobrist
Bench - Jim Thome
Bench - Airwolf
Bench - Sweet Drew Butera (as if Pavstache as manager would ever allow someone else as backup)
SP - Roy Halladay
SP - Cliff Lee
SP - Felix Hernandez
SP - Francisco Liriano
SP - Zack Greinke
RP - Joe Nathan
RP - Mariano Rivera
RP - Neftali Feliz
RP - Rafael Soriano
RP - Joakim Soria
RP - Brian Wilson
RP - David Aaaaaaaaaaardsma
Mascot - LNP
Manager - Pavstache
Total Salary - The Pohlads decide to pay for everything so the Twins can win, so salary is not an issue.
Total Formatting of this article - Very little.
Conclusion
This really isn't that hard. This team is a clear upgrade, it is within salary considerations, and we don't give up any star prospects. Case closed.
26 comments
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Comments
I wasn't sure about this plan until I saw we were getting Brian Wilson from the Giants.
Now I’m certain the Twins will roll over the Yankees in next year’s ALDS, as the power of The Stache and The Beard cannot be contained. Airwolf will be a nice addition as well.
Best starting rotation ever? Best starting rotation ever.
"He's [Jose Canseco] built like a Greek goddess." -Sparky Anderson
Starting rotation is lefty-heavy
I remember the optimal rotation being Lefty-Righty-Helicopter-Lefty-Righty
That's the beauty of having Airwolf on the bench.
Just plug him in when needed!
"He's [Jose Canseco] built like a Greek goddess." -Sparky Anderson
by fischean on Nov 9, 2010 6:28 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
This winter, instead of interviewing Twins front office personnel, I'm interviewing you.
You sir are a baseball god.
My favorite part is Manny as SS
But a close second is how strong our AAA team is after these moves.
LNP
One of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse rides a unicorn!
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
W/L Record?
I think anything under 100 wins would be under-performing.
That would also be a very disgusting bullpen to have to face. That’s assuming you get by the starters.
Stick it to the Yanks
Sign Derek Jeter, then send him to the minor leagues. Or let him duel with Manny Ramirez for SS. Also, Andy Pettite would make a good long reliever.
This is obviously a pipe dream
What makes you think you can outbid the Yankees for Butera?
j
by jeffheidkamp on Nov 9, 2010 11:25 AM EST reply actions 2 recs
That's gold, Jerry!
Sign Manny Ramirez
He will also fill a position of need, as I don’t intend to bring back JJ Hardy.
(applauds)
"There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
Looks like my MLB 10 The Show team
What you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your entire rambling incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
by Percy Harvin My Fav! on Nov 9, 2010 4:49 PM EST via mobile reply actions
A post-season win may be possible with this roster!
I hope I’m not getting too carried away here.
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"I've made baseball as much fun as doing your taxes!" -Bill James
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Nov 9, 2010 5:59 PM EST reply actions
It's in the bag
since they traded Gary to the Royals.
reply fail
that was supposed to be a response to lcm’n.
some of these trades seem a little unrealistic...
I can’t see the Phillies parting with Utley and Halladay for anything short of a Cuddyer-Casilla-Baker package.
And the Hernandez deal seems pretty far fetched. Throwing Slowey in should do it. After all, they both won 13 games and Felix has twice as many losses.
Everything else seems ok.
I award zero points everyone on this blog is now dumber and may god have mercy on your soul
by nar22 on Nov 9, 2010 9:09 PM EST via mobile reply actions
Buy a sense of humor
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
by cmathewson on Nov 10, 2010 2:22 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
I'll recommend a side of punctuation.
"He's [Jose Canseco] built like a Greek goddess." -Sparky Anderson
From Dictionary.com
sat·ire /ˈsætaɪər/
[sat-ahyuhr]
–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.
Origin:
1500–10; < L satira, var. of satura medley, perh. fem. deriv. of satur sated ( see saturate)
—Related forms
non·sat·ire, noun
—Can be confused: 1. burlesque, caricature, cartoon, parody, satire (see synonym note at burlesque; see synonym note at this entry ); 2. satire, satyr.
—Synonyms
1. See irony1 . 2, 3. burlesque, caricature, parody, travesty. Satire, lampoon refer to literary forms in which vices or follies are ridiculed. Satire, the general term, often emphasizes the weakness more than the weak person, and usually implies moral judgment and corrective purpose: Swift’s satire of human pettiness and bestiality. Lampoon refers to a form of satire, often political or personal, characterized by the malice or virulence of its attack: lampoons of the leading political figures.
by matty_b on Nov 10, 2010 7:47 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Pavstache, JIMMERS!, Brian Wilson's Beard, AND(!) Airwolf???!!!!!!!!!111111!!!
This team would make A-roid cry. 
Btw, Great job WWGTD. Made me laugh.
"FTYITAWAB" -less cowbell, more 'neau
Gaping hole
You’re team is waaaaaaaay to much talent and not enough grit. But don’t worry. I have a solution.
DAVID ECKSTEIN!!
After much testing this year scientists have determined that he’s 5% muscles, 3% bone, 1% brain, 1% other soft tissue, 10% sandpaper, 20% heart, 15% the will of a champion, 30% Blood, Sweat, Tears, and 15% hustle.
Yeah that’s 110%. Did you expect anything else out of David Eckstein?
Get. It. Done.
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