It is a well documented certainty that Nicky Ballgame is the kind of player that will do all the “little things” for ya.
Some other well documented certainties come to mind:
- My wife thinks I should drink more beer.
- Rosie O’Donnell is a calm, stable, funny and beautiful woman.
- Soccer is an exciting, action-packed game to watch.
- Keanu Reeves has been severely overlooked in terms of Oscar Nominations.
- Brett Favre doesn’t crave attention, it really just is difficult for him to make up his mind.
- My doctor agrees that Fritos, cigarettes and Budweiser are good for my well-being.
- John Edwards is a solid guy and a tough miss for all of us he wasn’t elected VP.
- The typical contestant in the National Spelling Bee is also usually the first one picked for kickball.
- Right Said Fred was a creative, talented and musically versatile band.
- Grand Forks, North Dakota, is a beautiful vacation destination.
Now, for the low, low price of roughly $4,000,000 your favorite team this year gets a player in Little Nicky who, because he isn’t capable of doing any of the “Regular Things” will get credit for doing all of the “Little Things”.
Little things like rarely getting a sacrifice bunt down when asked.
Little things like popping up instead of advancing a base runner from second to third.
Little things like swinging at the first pitch when a pitcher has just walked the previous two batters.
Little things like standing on third and tattling on and pointing at Denard Span for making a base running mistake rather than running home himself.
Little things like getting picked off third in a crucial playoff game against the Yankees.
Someone please make it stop!!
Of course, if it were to stop, who would be left to stick his nose in the conversation every time Rick Anderson visited the mound?