- Pavano's mustache, or Pavstache for short, has been credited by the St. Paul Police Department with solving multiple cold cases. "It's the damnedest thing," said police spokesman Paul Schnell, "One day, it just showed up in a rumpled suit, drinking coffee from a styrofoam cup, and began going through old files and making phone calls. Next thing you know, we've got three guys in lockup."
- If you watched last night's game in HD, and you're ovulating, congratulations! You are now pregnant with Pavstache's baby! Please refer any questions about child support and midwifery to the Twins front office.
- Pavstache would never have batted Matt Tolbert second.
- Pavstache was recently spotted going door-to-door in Eden Prairie. Despite initial reports this was due to certain legal obligations, it was discovered that it was simply letting lonely housewives know that it was "there for them."
- British Petroleum and the White House have been in contact with Pavstache about using it to soak up residual oil from the Gulf oil spill.
- Pavstache would never have greenlighted Sex And The City 2.
- Pavstache doesn't understand the whole ICE BROS thing, either. That said, any Bros who think they can Ice Pavstache are in for an immediate Ice Block. Don't even try.
- The lyrics from Shaft, re-purposed for Pavstache by Isaac Hayes FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE:
What's the black facial hair
That eats innings from here to there?
Ya damn right!
Who is the stache that would risk his WHIP
For an overused 'pen?
Can you dig it?
What's the 'stache that won't cop out
With baserunners all about?
They say this Pavstache is a bad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Pavstache.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!
It's a complicated 'stache
But no one understands it but Rick Anderson