DID YOU KNOW? True Facts About Carl Pavano's Mustache.
by RandBall's Stu on Jun 4, 2010 10:15 AM EDT
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Print- Pavano's mustache, or Pavstache for short, has been credited by the St. Paul Police Department with solving multiple cold cases. "It's the damnedest thing," said police spokesman Paul Schnell, "One day, it just showed up in a rumpled suit, drinking coffee from a styrofoam cup, and began going through old files and making phone calls. Next thing you know, we've got three guys in lockup."
- If you watched last night's game in HD, and you're ovulating, congratulations! You are now pregnant with Pavstache's baby! Please refer any questions about child support and midwifery to the Twins front office.
- Pavstache would never have batted Matt Tolbert second.
- Pavstache was recently spotted going door-to-door in Eden Prairie. Despite initial reports this was due to certain legal obligations, it was discovered that it was simply letting lonely housewives know that it was "there for them."
- British Petroleum and the White House have been in contact with Pavstache about using it to soak up residual oil from the Gulf oil spill.
- Pavstache would never have greenlighted Sex And The City 2.
- Pavstache doesn't understand the whole ICE BROS thing, either. That said, any Bros who think they can Ice Pavstache are in for an immediate Ice Block. Don't even try.
- The lyrics from Shaft, re-purposed for Pavstache by Isaac Hayes FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE:
What's the black facial hair
That eats innings from here to there?
PAVSTACHE!
Ya damn right!
Who is the stache that would risk his WHIP
For an overused 'pen?
PAVSTACHE!
Can you dig it?
What's the 'stache that won't cop out
With baserunners all about?
PAVSTACHE!
Right On!
They say this Pavstache is a bad mother
SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
I'm talkin' 'bout Pavstache.
THEN WE CAN DIG IT!
It's a complicated 'stache
But no one understands it but Rick Anderson
PAAAAV-STACHE!
21 comments
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Or you can go with my wife's reaction
“That’s gross”
Reced for awsomeness
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
Hilarious
•If you watched last night’s game in HD, and you’re ovulating, congratulations! You are now pregnant with Pavstache’s baby! Please refer any questions about child support and midwifery to the Twins front office.
Props.
Next story: Cheek power
He stores up so much pressure in his cheeks, when he exhales, he adds a good six inches on his fastball.
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
Pavstache is so thick
It can hurl the ball to first by manipulating gravitational forces.
Pavstache
People don’t steal bases against Pavestache, they’re just trying to get back to the dugout and away from the beautiful, yet blinding light of Pavestache.
Some people think Joe Mauer is the messiah.
He’s actually just a prophet who foretold the coming of Pavstache.
The caption
All could be lost, until Morneau comes tot he rescue.
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
by cmathewson on Jun 4, 2010 11:36 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Seriously Rec'd
It is a little known fact that the Pavstache was briefly in a supergroup with Bruce Springsteen, Bono, Paul McCartney, Brian Wilson, Levon Helm, Clarence Clemons, and Bruce Hornsby. They were slated to go all the way together, but soon broke up, and not because of created differences: Everyone else in the band left because they realized they were nowhere near as talented as Pavstach, and simply couldn’t handle being outshone by him.
by MarshalltheIrish on Jun 4, 2010 12:11 PM EDT reply actions
Carl Pavano didn't shave the rest of his goattee.
It died of shame after seeing Pavstache.
Bass player for Husker Du
Carl Pavano wins the Greg Norton look-alike contest
Yes!
He’s Luigi
"Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror" ~George Carlin
by thewild_viking_twins on Jun 4, 2010 1:16 PM EDT reply actions
I hope that a new poster joins with the name Carl Pavano's Mustasch.
’Twould be o-mazing.
I always loved that one.
Indeed
Because we all know that if a poster joined with that name, it would be The Mustache itself.
"There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
I woudl also imagine
every post he wrote would immediatly turn green by rec’d.
I always loved that one.
The Pavstache and Kubel's Beard
Can these two entities coexist? Stay Tuned.
"If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error." - John Kenneth Galbraith.
by 92 MPH Knuckleball on Jun 4, 2010 6:31 PM EDT reply actions
What would happen if the Stache and the beard, like, did it?
They would spawn some sort of stache/beard hybrid.
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
by cmathewson on Jun 4, 2010 6:39 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
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