2010 plate appearances

Player A: 224

Player B: 483

Triple slash numbers, wOBA

Player A: 332/375/447, 363

Player B: 265/333/485, 351

(more below the jump)

Defense: UZR (ultimate zone rating), DRS (defensive runs saved), FRAA (fielding runs above average)

Player A: 5, 3, 5

Player B: -5, 1, 5

Overall value: Fangraphs WAR (pace, per 600 PAs), WARP2 (pace, per 600 PAs)

Player A: 2.2 (5.9), 2.2 (5.9)

Player B: 2.6 (3.2), 3.2 (4)

Age

Player A: 25

Player B: 35

Salary

Player A: prorated MLB minimum; may be eligible for salary arbitration following the 2013 season

Player B:  2010 salary of $32 million; owed $174 million guaranteed from 2011-2017 with an additional $30 million in performance incentives for reaching various home-run milestones. 

Prominent lady friends

Player A: None known

Player B: Madonna, Kate Hudson, Cameron Diaz, the muscly woman with a childlike approach to public fountains pictured below:

Can you guess the players?????!???!???