Yet another overanalysis of our bullpen (extra innings rant)
by bl4ckduck on Sep 3, 2010 12:45 AM EDT
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PrintNevermind looking at bullpen splits and observing that Twins relievers have the lowest ERA in the AL. Nevermind that our FO has been very good about acquiring great bullpen arms in spite of significant turnover this year. Nevermind that I have to edit a quiz and grade some papers for school tomorrow. I will never be content with our bullpen and must direct my rage appropriately.
There's a question that's been eating at my soul: Which relievers do we hate and why? All I know is that we don't win every game we turn over to the bullpen when we are in the lead and this is unacceptable.
I'm pretty sure this can be classified as a mindless rant, but I had fun writing it and hopefully you'll have fun reading it. More confusion after the jump
I've compiled a matrix below of our bullpen members below and a poor man's analysis of why we love or hate them. I am currently awaiting Adam Petersen's newly-invented metric that quantifies when to hate whom and why, but until then here's what I think is the vox populi of Twinkie Town:
|
Name |
Clever things we say about him |
Current goings-on
|
Love or hate |
|
Crapps, Bust a Capp |
Pitching much better than he did with the Pirates, but never good enough |
Hate. If he doesn’t watch out his goatee will grow bigger and get bleached out and he’ll look too much like Bobby Jenks to ever root for again. |
|
|
The Shank! Big Bad John |
Recently upgraded to tallest person in Twins system. Responded to news with two quick scoreless outings. |
Hate. He is not Joe Nathan. I don’t care how admirably he filled in as closer, his name is not Joe Nathan. |
|
|
...that he’s unavailable? That he should be in instead of Flores? |
He’s pitched all of what, 1.1 innings? |
Hate. You are not the dominant closer you once were, which is unacceptable. Plus, when you don’t pitch, Flores does. |
|
|
Matty G |
In yet another dead-arm cycle, presumably needs to get a bit worse before it will improve again. |
Hate. If your arm wasn’t capable of appearing in 80 games a year, then you should go to the DL every year. Chump. |
|
|
Crain Train, Wrecking Crain |
Without a doubt the best reliever we’ve had since June, which is nowhere near his potential if he could put it all together. |
Hate. He gave up a run last night. |
|
|
SS Manship |
Eating innings admirably |
Hate. If you were so good at your job, you would be named Brian Duensing |
|
|
Hell, I’d take Mahay over him |
Pitching when Fuentes is not available. |
Hate. You are not Brian Fuentes and never will be, not that we like him anyway. |
|
|
Ron Gardenhire |
How he should have handled that late-innings pitching decision |
Too busy managing a team that’s closing in on yet another AL Central title to realize how awful he is at running the bullpen |
Hate. It’s his fault every time we lose. |
|
Relievers Past |
|
|
|
|
Something about him slamming the door in AAA |
Not living up to his moustache. |
Hate. His ERA at the major league level was not 1.52 or whatever he put up at AAA this year. |
|
|
How they can do better than whatever bullpen artist just gave up a run |
Not pitching for us in September. I hear they’re needed to assure fans that the AAA team is not a joke |
Hate. They are not pitching scoreless innings on demand. |
|
|
Mayday, that old guy that’s totally washed up |
Finally taking our advice and not pitching for us anymore. |
Hate. Thanks for nothing, you old fart. |
|
|
Mayor McCheese |
Taking a dive so he can enjoy some leisure time and a high-calorie diet as he recovers |
Hate. I’m definitely more athletic than you yet I work in such a crappy job. Why are you so special? |
|
|
Honestly, I don’t know. B-Duen? This man needs a legitimate nickname. If not for our sake, then for the sake of butchering broadcasters |
Exceeding everyone’s expectations as a starter |
Hate. That jerk left a huge hole in the bullpen. |
|
|
Why the hell is he not back in the bullpen? |
Not pitching at the MLB level for reasons that mystify us all |
Love. He’s a fan’s fan and he’s our key informant in the Twins incompetent medical staff conspiracy theory. |
|
|
Joe Nathan |
How we’re using his insurance money this year |
Falling behind in the “Which prospect from the AJ Pierzynski trade has been more awesome?” debate |
Love. I mean, it’s not his fault he got injured. There’s a conspiracy theory against our medical staff for that. |
27 comments
|
11 recs |
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Comments
You don't have Mijares as an option.
So I voted Capps by default.
"To tell the truth, I'm not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying." -Ichiro
Nice post
Love/Hate column is lolz
Chase Utley is a Nick Punto-type player, but with power--Bert Blyleven
the love/hate column made the post
so you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that
homeboy, home, home, homeboy
by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Sep 3, 2010 1:10 AM EDT up reply actions
I still think Boof is the best prospect we got in that trade
try saying THAT with a straight face
"Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror" ~George Carlin
by thewild_viking_twins on Sep 3, 2010 1:01 AM EDT reply actions
and Duenscap when he's bad
"Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror" ~George Carlin
by thewild_viking_twins on Sep 3, 2010 1:05 AM EDT up reply actions
Gardy's been calling him Deuce.
Which I love, because no matter what he is doing, I can post this picture…
I still think we need to come up with something to say when Matty G blows a game
right now we have a gap in our gamethreads and can’t call up anyone clever from a AAA Twins blog to fill it!
so you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that
homeboy, home, home, homeboy
by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Sep 3, 2010 1:05 AM EDT reply actions
How 'bout
You suck Matt
"Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror" ~George Carlin
by thewild_viking_twins on Sep 3, 2010 1:06 AM EDT up reply actions
Matty Fattyfatfat?
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Dude, grit+hustle > 'the dark side'." -LNP
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Sep 3, 2010 1:12 AM EDT up reply actions
Now I'm thinking something with a doormat
so you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that
homeboy, home, home, homeboy
by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Sep 3, 2010 1:21 AM EDT up reply actions
Rec'd
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Dude, grit+hustle > 'the dark side'." -LNP
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Sep 3, 2010 1:10 AM EDT reply actions
double rec'd
for being funny and for the ability to draw a table in a fan post
so you can run and tell that, run and tell that, run and tell that
homeboy, home, home, homeboy
by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Sep 3, 2010 1:11 AM EDT up reply actions
Guerrier
Even if he’s exhausted and overused, I still feel a pit in my stomach when he comes in. Pat Neshek please! Maybe the holes in the staff and the need for callups will allow him back in.
by MarshalltheIrish on Sep 3, 2010 10:58 AM EDT reply actions
Not yet
Burnett and Delaney got the call instead.
Hm
Guess I’ll just have to be patient.
by MarshalltheIrish on Sep 3, 2010 11:30 AM EDT up reply actions
MATT CAPPS QUACK QUACK MY CATBIRD SEAT BACK
DADGUMMIT!
and you can put it on the boaaaaaard YES, HELL YES
haha
I don’t hate any of ‘em…I just said Gardy because that’s what everyone on Star Tribune does…I’m trying to be cool again.
I'm still a Minnesotan at heart...
A week late
Too bad this wasn’t posted a week ago. You’d have won for sure. Possibly the best post of the season.
I second Duenslinger. All opposed?
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