One minute before midnight (CST), on October 6th, 2011, the Minnesota Twins discovered a curious hand-addressed envelope waiting outside of team offices.
The crack SB Nation investigative squad has, through an unnamed source, identified the contents of the envelope. It contains a disturbing cut-and-paste letter made from single symbols and labeled as intended for team General Manager Bill Smith. As a site exclusive, the letter's text is included below.
wE aRe SorRy yoUR NeW balLPark MEan U dO Not Get as mUCH REvEnuE sHarEinG. It iS nOt fAIr. BaSEBaLl is MORe fUn WheN THE twinS pLaY yaNkeEs in exCitiNg fiRst ROUNd seRIEs!!
Forr GooD oF baSbaLL yoU NeeD To maKe playOFFs agAiN. pLeez uSe MoneY tO geT BEtter tEAm aNd maKe PLAyoFFs vs. YANkeeS. do not F uP tHis oPPORtuNite
pS: puT the goDamN tREEs baCk"
The envelope also contained, significantly, a check made out to Bill Pohlad for $50 million (US) dollars, signed in an indecipherable scrawl where only the fragments "Br" and "Cashm" could be identified. The team has notified FBI agents of the strange letter and hopes to discover the sender. At the time of this writing the Bureau had no leads. SB Nation is committed to protecting the anonymity of its source, who disclosed the information only on the contingency that "tasty, delicious milk" not be implicated in any fashion.