Twins Receive Strange Letter

by twinsbrewer on Oct 7, 2011 4:01 AM EDT

One minute before midnight (CST), on October 6th, 2011, the Minnesota Twins discovered a curious hand-addressed envelope waiting outside of team offices.

The crack SB Nation investigative squad has, through an unnamed source, identified the contents of the envelope. It contains a disturbing cut-and-paste letter made from single symbols and labeled as intended for team General Manager Bill Smith. As a site exclusive, the letter's text is included below.

"dEar TWins:

wE aRe SorRy yoUR NeW balLPark MEan U dO Not Get as mUCH REvEnuE sHarEinG. It iS nOt fAIr. BaSEBaLl is MORe fUn WheN THE twinS pLaY yaNkeEs in exCitiNg fiRst ROUNd seRIEs!!

Forr GooD oF baSbaLL yoU NeeD To maKe playOFFs agAiN. pLeez uSe MoneY tO geT BEtter tEAm aNd maKe PLAyoFFs vs. YANkeeS. do not F uP tHis oPPORtuNite

pS: puT the goDamN tREEs baCk"

The envelope also contained, significantly, a check made out to Bill Pohlad for $50 million (US) dollars, signed in an indecipherable scrawl where only the fragments "Br" and "Cashm" could be identified. The team has notified FBI agents of the strange letter and hopes to discover the sender. At the time of this writing the Bureau had no leads. SB Nation is committed to protecting the anonymity of its source, who disclosed the information only on the contingency that "tasty, delicious milk" not be implicated in any fashion.

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Comments

Might be an inside job

Why would Br Cashm want the trees back? Although “pLeez uSe MoneY tO geT BEtter tEAm” is definitely a NYY state of mind.

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"I am laughing right now. Am I insane?" Jessy S

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Oct 7, 2011 4:15 PM EDT reply actions

This is a take-off of the African scam

There, the scams basically have you send money to Africa in hopes of getting something.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
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by Jessy S on Oct 7, 2011 4:59 PM EDT reply actions

Join the dark side Mr Bill Smith

we’ll take m cashmn

by SteveHoffmanSlowey on Oct 8, 2011 2:06 PM EDT reply actions

ok reading that letter made my head hurt...

doesn’t help I’ve only been awake for a very short amount of time and was up until 330 last night… But once I figured it out, I rec’d it. Very funny :)

"I don't really give a f*** and my excuse is that I'm young, and I'm only getting older somebody shoulda told ya" ~Drake (I'm On One)

by twinsgirl197 on Oct 9, 2011 6:11 PM EDT reply actions