Per the eminently follow-able Jake Nyberg on Twitter, new Twins play-by-play voice Cory Provus doesn't have a trademark home run call, a la John Gordon's "Waaaay back and CAUGHT by the shortstop." Nyberg suggested that Twins fans come up with suggestions using the #CallsforCory hashtag. A capital idea, but one that needn't be limited to that medium and its 140 characters. Herewith are mine, which you may add to in our comments section:

• "Toast points!"
• "You can kiss that one goodbye with tongue!"
• "Jesus, he hit that one f---ing hard. Damn."
• "It all burns in the fire!"
• "This home run brought to you by Golden Corral's new Chocolate Fountain!"
• "Light up a cig, youngsters!"
• "Tickle my ass with a feather!"
• "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
• "Suck. It."
• "We all die alone!"
  
• "That ball is punished like the captives in my underground sex dungeon!"
• "K-k-k-kenny Geeeeeeeee!"
• "We will see you At The Movies!"
• "Show me on the doll where the home run touched you!"
• "Down goes Frazier!"
• "I'm MTV's Julie Brown!"
• "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!"
• "Is this your homework Larry?"
• "That ball is HGH-ed!"
• "Four banana, three banana, two banana, one!"
• "404 File Not Found, Motherf-----!"
• "He's the DJ, I'm the Rapper!"
• "Baseball vernacular!"
• "Free peanuts for Telly!"
• "Shop Smart! Shop S-Mart!"
• "You're not fooling me, Ansel Adams!"
• "That home run > Tebow"
• "Into the mud, scum queen!"
• "Just like all you stoners out there, that ball is high as hell!"
• "And that ball is...you know what, I'm just never gonna be Vin Scully. I try and try and try, but it's just impossible. It'll never happen. It's not that I'm unsure of my own talent, I think I'm pretty good at what I do, in fact. It's just that he's set such a standard with his body of work that's it's useless to even try. Should have gone to med school like Dad said. Home run."
• "Deep and hard! Deep and hard! Deep and hard!"
• "The Giving Tree still makes me cry!"
• "WHERE'S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE?"
• "Shut UP, Gladden."
• "Hot Freaks!"
• "A = A!"
• "Gathering of the Juggalos!"
• "Garmonbozia!"
• "You are NOT the father!"