Twinhua News Agency: "Defending Champs Looking To Repeat in 2012"

by Jon Marthaler on Dec 12, 2011 9:00 AM EST in WTF

We received the following statement from the Official Minnesota Twins News Agency - better known by its shorter name, Twinhua. It actually explains a lot.

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2010 AL Central Champions Looking To Repeat In 2012

MINNEAPOLIS - With the pennant from the 2010 division championship now flying proudly above Target Field, the Twins are making every move to reassemble that beloved team for a run at a repeat championship in 2012.

Said general manager Terry Ryan, "2010 was one of the most dominating performances by any team in the history of the AL Central, and if we can bring all of those players back, there's no reason we can't have the same performance again next year." Closer Matt Capps, who dominated down the stretch after being acquired for little-used prospect Wilson Ramos, has already re-signed. The team continues to pursue outfielders Jason Kubel and Michael Cuddyer, in the hopes of keeping those important pieces in place.

Unfortunately, certain so-called "journalists" continue to spread lies about the existence of an unsanctioned 2011 season, in hopes of destabilizing the team. The Twinhua News Agency would like to remind fans that such rumors and untruths should not be trusted. The organization has always built, and will always build, winning teams. The "Twins Way" is sound and is not to be questioned. The Twins have played perfect defense and hit like a tornado of rabid wolverines, and any information to the contrary is a lie.

"We have built the perfect team," said Ryan. "Keeping this team together is the top priority for the organization. To look outside the organization for major new pieces would be foolish. If we added new players rather than keeping the old ones, it would be the same as saying that previous teams were not perfectly assembled by the Politburo- I mean, the front office. And since The Twins Way has always produced dominant teams, that is clearly not true."

The Twins begin spring training in February, as they attempt to win a record eighteenth consecutive AL Central title.

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As a current resident

Of the prc, i am drawn to the truth coming out of xinhua.

I have always been happy with the Capps trade and THERE ARE FIVE LIGHTS

by clutterheart on Dec 12, 2011 9:32 AM EST via mobile reply actions 2 recs

Live Taspar for all in Twins Territory!

New concessions in 2012!

Free Rick. I mean, Chuck James!
No, I didn't spell Maurer wrong. But I do get asked if I'm related to Joe a lot.

by Maurer Power on Dec 12, 2011 9:42 AM EST up reply actions

OK, I was gonna congratulate Mr. Marthaler for his "tornado of rabid wolverines" line

And then this made me literally choke the tea I was drinking into my nose.

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Dec 12, 2011 11:00 AM EST up reply actions

See

See, the thing is, this is totally true. Basically the same teams soared in 2010 and bombed in 2011.

"You can't sit on a lead and run a few plays into the line and just kill the clock. You've got to throw the ball over the damn plate and give the other man his chance. That's why baseball is the greatest game of them all."
~ Earl Weaver
"In God we trust. All others must provide evidence."
~ Billy Beane

by AdamOnFirst on Dec 12, 2011 1:12 PM EST reply actions

middle infield

was different. bullpen was different.

by amiller92 on Dec 12, 2011 1:36 PM EST up reply actions

And so was the outfield

1st base and catcher. The only things that were pratically the same were third base and the rotation.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
Champagne SuperTolbert Saves the day!!!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 12, 2011 2:29 PM EST up reply actions

well

Only due to injury. All those spots were supposed to be the same, unlike the middle infield and bullpen.

by amiller92 on Dec 12, 2011 3:24 PM EST up reply actions

So other than the most important

part of the team’s defense, and anything that would allow the team the flexibility to win close games at the end, yes.

by Shawn Gillogly on Dec 12, 2011 10:01 PM EST up reply actions

I'm thinking about making "Twinshua News Agency" a category for posts.

by Jesse on Dec 12, 2011 1:58 PM EST reply actions

Known malcontent Kevin Slowey was one of those spreading malicious rumors about an alleged 2011 season

He has been exiled to the mountains of Colorado for his crimes.

"Nobody wants to hear me rap." - Joe Mauer
"The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is." - Herman Cain

by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Dec 12, 2011 5:20 PM EST reply actions 3 recs

Does this mean we're bringing Gary back?

We never should have fired him.

I will not be PONDERing anything, ever again....I'm so tired of this pun. Maybe we could use antonyms to be different, like: "FORGET about last season, as we COGITATE about winning in 2011!"...Whatever, SKOL VIKES!!!

by J.RO on Dec 12, 2011 6:48 PM EST reply actions