The night before Twinsmas

Twas the night before Twinsmas, and all through Twinkie Town

Not a poster was stirring, not even that Clown*

The stockings were hung by the dugout with care

In hopes that Spring Training soon would be there

Twinsgirl was nestled all snug in her bed

While visions of Nineteen danced in her head

With Fischean in her kerchief and Jesse in his cap

We all settled in for a long winter's nap

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter

We all rushed to the dugout to see what was the matter

We looked out to right field and then out to left

But saw nothing at all and all felt bereft

The moon lit the grass of the empty infield

Hinting at secrets it never would yield

Then what to our wondering eyes should appear

A miniature sleigh drawn by men in Twins gear

The little old driver with moves a bit tardy

I knew in a moment it must have been Gardy

Rounding the bases like a triple to right

He called out their names loud into the night

On Mauer and Morneau, on Carroll, Liriano

On Lexi and Blackburn, on Baker, Pavano

To the left field seats, to the top of the wall

To first, second, third and to home above all

The sleigh settled down on the infield grass

"That dome, I must say, was a pain in the ass"

Gardy came dashing down the base line

And slid into home, just for old times

He was dressed in light blue from his hat to his socks

"Authentic throwbacks, now just sixty bucks"

"But where is the bag, overflowing with toys?"

Gardy said to us all, "now listen here boys,"

"I sure don't know what planet you're on,"

"Hasn't anyone here ever used Amazon?"

"I've come here with draft picks, free agents for you"

"All stars and veterans, some MVPs too"

His eyes how they twinkled imagining soon

The team on the field, him calling the tune

His cheeks bulging full of sunflower seeds

Evaluating talent and tending to needs

His smile it grew til it seemed miles wide

Seeing pitches and hits, run quick and now slide!

That infielder's body now running towards fat

You could see his desire to pick up a bat

We started to smile in spite of ourselves

Maybe this year, we'll outplay those evil old elves

The Tigers and Royals and Sox Red and White

Will come to our house and be in for a fight

And even damned Yankees will be in for a start

As our batters step up and take their pitchers apart

Gardy said it was time to head south to the Fort

"Lots of work to be done to succeed in this sport"

So he gave us a smile and raised a glass of good cheer

And leaped in his sleigh with the grace of a deer

Away they all flew just as quick as dart

Blyleven called out that “I 'heart' to fart”

They called as they went, nearly too faint to hear

"Happy Twinsmas to all, and we'll get them next year!"

*You know who I mean, even if I don't
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