Twas the night before Twinsmas, and all through Twinkie Town
Not a poster was stirring, not even that Clown*
The stockings were hung by the dugout with care
In hopes that Spring Training soon would be there
Twinsgirl was nestled all snug in her bed
While visions of Nineteen danced in her head
With Fischean in her kerchief and Jesse in his cap
We all settled in for a long winter's nap
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter
We all rushed to the dugout to see what was the matter
We looked out to right field and then out to left
But saw nothing at all and all felt bereft
The moon lit the grass of the empty infield
Hinting at secrets it never would yield
Then what to our wondering eyes should appear
A miniature sleigh drawn by men in Twins gear
The little old driver with moves a bit tardy
I knew in a moment it must have been Gardy
Rounding the bases like a triple to right
He called out their names loud into the night
On Mauer and Morneau, on Carroll, Liriano
On Lexi and Blackburn, on Baker, Pavano
To the left field seats, to the top of the wall
To first, second, third and to home above all
The sleigh settled down on the infield grass
"That dome, I must say, was a pain in the ass"
Gardy came dashing down the base line
And slid into home, just for old times
He was dressed in light blue from his hat to his socks
"Authentic throwbacks, now just sixty bucks"
"But where is the bag, overflowing with toys?"
Gardy said to us all, "now listen here boys,"
"I sure don't know what planet you're on,"
"Hasn't anyone here ever used Amazon?"
"I've come here with draft picks, free agents for you"
"All stars and veterans, some MVPs too"
His eyes how they twinkled imagining soon
The team on the field, him calling the tune
His cheeks bulging full of sunflower seeds
Evaluating talent and tending to needs
His smile it grew til it seemed miles wide
Seeing pitches and hits, run quick and now slide!
That infielder's body now running towards fat
You could see his desire to pick up a bat
We started to smile in spite of ourselves
Maybe this year, we'll outplay those evil old elves
Will come to our house and be in for a fight
And even damned Yankees will be in for a start
As our batters step up and take their pitchers apart
Gardy said it was time to head south to the Fort
"Lots of work to be done to succeed in this sport"
So he gave us a smile and raised a glass of good cheer
And leaped in his sleigh with the grace of a deer
Away they all flew just as quick as dart
Blyleven called out that “I 'heart' to fart”
They called as they went, nearly too faint to hear
"Happy Twinsmas to all, and we'll get them next year!"
*You know who I mean, even if I don't