Twins Letters to Santa

Merry Christmas

Hope you’re having a great holiday season, one and all.

"live EVERY week like it's shark week" Tracy Jordan(30 Rock)

by carlpavanosmoustache on Dec 23, 2011 12:36 PM EST reply actions

Right back at you :)

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 23, 2011 3:02 PM EST up reply actions

Bah! Humbug!

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Dec 23, 2011 2:40 PM EST reply actions

haha way to Scrooge

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 23, 2011 3:02 PM EST up reply actions

Three ghosts will visit you this Chirstmas.

The Ghost of Christmas Past: Kirby Puckett
The Ghost of Christmas Present: Justin Morneau
The Ghost of Christmas Future: Jason Marquis

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 24, 2011 12:12 AM EST up reply actions

doesn't sound like much of a future

by caluofmn on Dec 31, 2011 1:29 AM EST up reply actions

But the Chirstmas future is supposed to be bleak in A Christmas Carol

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 31, 2011 2:47 PM EST up reply actions

Tim Allen has ruined children's spelling everywhere!

Santa Claus — no ‘e’. The Tim Allen movies have an ‘e’ because they’re making a pun.

But other than that, these cracked me up… Mauer especially, for some reason. Although I think he switches to egg nog in December.

by ColossusOfRhode on Dec 23, 2011 3:06 PM EST reply actions

Who is Tim Allen?

I’ve never seen Santa Clause without the e after it.

And Joe’s was sort of fun to write… I got to make some internet Joe sterio type jokes in there so it was probably the best written for humor.

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 23, 2011 3:12 PM EST up reply actions

Tim Allen was Buzz Lightyear in the Toy Story movies

And: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus
vs. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Clause

by ColossusOfRhode on Dec 23, 2011 3:24 PM EST up reply actions

Also

He was arrested for drug trafficking and served his prison sentence in Sandstone.

P.S. I’m sad that todays youth doesn’t know who the tool man is.

by Caulfield on Dec 23, 2011 3:56 PM EST up reply actions

I looked up pictures of him, he's that guy from that one Nick At Night show, right?

I don’t remember his name or the show but I think that it was Home Improvement, is that right? I used to watch that show when I was little with my parents

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 23, 2011 4:01 PM EST up reply actions

Correct!

by spanspanspan on Dec 23, 2011 4:32 PM EST up reply actions

I r winnar!

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 23, 2011 6:19 PM EST up reply actions

The Christians changed Jesus's birthday to the winter solstice to steal Saturnalia from the Romans.

And later usurped Odin from the Norse Gods to make St Nicholaus

Then Coca-Cola stole Santa Claus from the Christians to market their cola.

I won’t even go into the Dutch version of Santa

God Jul!

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Dec 23, 2011 4:12 PM EST up reply actions

I like Santa

as a magic shroom

by archie2227 on Dec 23, 2011 4:38 PM EST up reply actions

Krampus

Supposedly the European version of Santa that comes to visit “naughty” children.

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Dec 24, 2011 9:06 AM EST up reply actions

Santa,

Matches and Lighter Fluid.

You know who.

"I learned something yesterday. No use in having rules if there's no punishment for breaking them. You'll be fine if you bite down on the trigger. Enjoy your breakfast."

by John_Locke on Dec 23, 2011 3:17 PM EST reply actions 6 recs

Win

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 23, 2011 3:52 PM EST up reply actions

Santa,

Just make them lower that ##$%!# right field wall already!

Oh, and a polar bear.

Thanks,

Justin.

by spanspanspan on Dec 23, 2011 4:34 PM EST up reply actions 3 recs

Santa,

Three more years of Nick Punto.

Gary

I don't know, but I've been told it's hard to run with the weight of gold,
'the other hand, I've heard it said, it's just as hard with the weight of lead.

by montanatwinsfan on Dec 23, 2011 4:22 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

Santa

Please make sure Montanatwinsfan respects North Dakota.

Jessy S.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 24, 2011 12:15 AM EST up reply actions

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everybody!

I don't know, but I've been told it's hard to run with the weight of gold,
'the other hand, I've heard it said, it's just as hard with the weight of lead.

by montanatwinsfan on Dec 23, 2011 4:23 PM EST reply actions

Dear Santa

200 innings each from Frankie and Bake
80% save rate for Capper
Healthy Joe, Justin and DSpan
Nishi and Lexi holding their own up the middle

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 23, 2011 4:43 PM EST reply actions

I think Jamey Carrol would like to piss on that last request.

I don't know, but I've been told it's hard to run with the weight of gold,
'the other hand, I've heard it said, it's just as hard with the weight of lead.

by montanatwinsfan on Dec 23, 2011 4:50 PM EST up reply actions

There's plenty of ABs to go around for the three of them

Carroll can’t play both positions at once.

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 24, 2011 1:56 PM EST up reply actions

LNP could.

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Dec 26, 2011 4:51 PM EST up reply actions

For the record

The shortstop has to play second and plug the hole between second and third base. The 2nd baseman is concerned with the base and the hole between 2nd and first. The result, anybody can play two positions at once.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 26, 2011 7:45 PM EST up reply actions

Note, I am just limiting that statement to the infield

After all, an infielder’s job is to try to plug the holes in order to prevent line drive hits.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 26, 2011 7:47 PM EST up reply actions

You're out of your element, Donnie

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 27, 2011 1:02 AM EST up reply actions

I have to start a long question and answer thread

Which movie is this from?

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 27, 2011 1:28 PM EST up reply actions

For the record...

You mark that frame an 8, and you’re entering a world of pain.

by spanspanspan on Dec 27, 2011 2:00 PM EST up reply actions

IT'S F*CKING LEAGUE PLAY

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 27, 2011 2:38 PM EST up reply actions

Nihilists!

I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.

Ok, sorry, it’s in my top 10 list of best movies ever.

by spanspanspan on Dec 27, 2011 2:57 PM EST up reply actions

Me too

Though I haven’t seen it often enough to quote from it as extensively as you can.

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 27, 2011 4:55 PM EST up reply actions

I have a stuffed marmot as a direct result of this movie

It really ties my room together. (I know, I’m mixing quotes.)

by ColossusOfRhode on Dec 27, 2011 7:24 PM EST up reply actions

THe Big Lebowski

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 27, 2011 2:39 PM EST up reply actions

Thanks

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 27, 2011 5:11 PM EST up reply actions

Dear Santa,

We would like: A dumber, less discriminating fanbase.

your friends (and few others’),

Jim Souhan and Matt Capps

I don't know, but I've been told it's hard to run with the weight of gold,
'the other hand, I've heard it said, it's just as hard with the weight of lead.

by montanatwinsfan on Dec 23, 2011 4:53 PM EST reply actions

This was great :)

Remember, remember the seventh of November.

by Go Twins! on Dec 23, 2011 10:49 PM EST reply actions

thank you :)

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 24, 2011 12:05 AM EST up reply actions

Dear ignorant mainstream consumerist cultural icon known to the common man as "Santa Claus,"

In this transient phenomenon we call “life,” I desire only Kretek cigarettes and the Austrian film Free Radicals.

Please also send my former manager Ron Gardenhire a copy of Dostoevsky’s The Idiot. While the irony will no doubt escape him, he is a person of low intellectual fiber, and in great need of such a classic work.

Indubitably yours,
Kevin Slowey

"Nobody wants to hear me rap." - Joe Mauer
"The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is." - Herman Cain

by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Dec 23, 2011 11:55 PM EST reply actions 5 recs

I figured Slowey would be reading up on his Kerouac

by DJL44 on Dec 26, 2011 11:25 AM EST up reply actions

Merry Christmas all!

Great post, rec’d!

"Nobody wants to hear me rap." - Joe Mauer
"The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is." - Herman Cain

by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Dec 23, 2011 11:58 PM EST reply actions

thanks :)

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 24, 2011 12:05 AM EST up reply actions

Twinsgirl

Just one mistake I want you to correct.

Joe Mauer was born in the 1980’s and the Mall of America opened in 1992 so I am sure that a four year old Mauer would be visiting one of the Dales (malls) in the metro area. I’ll leave you to figure out which one he attended.

Otherwise, good fanpost.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 24, 2011 12:21 AM EST reply actions

really? I thought the MOA was older..

Darn it lol

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 24, 2011 1:46 PM EST up reply actions

No

It opened August 8, 1992 which is roughly five years before you were born.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 24, 2011 2:31 PM EST up reply actions

technically only like 4 and 1/2 years...

I was a spring training baby lol

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 24, 2011 2:59 PM EST up reply actions

I know

You in college, a friend comes up to you and asks, what are you doing for Spring Break. You tell him or her that you are going to Florida. He or she asks how many days are you spending in Palm Beach? You tell him or her none because you are seeing the Minnesota Twins.

Seriously hope you get to spend your 16th birthday at Spring Training, but if you don’t there is always Spring Break during college :)

As for the mall, it is common for children to assume that places that have been there when you were born are always there.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 25, 2011 12:34 PM EST up reply actions

haha yeah, I've decided I need to start a second savings account

to put my future spring break funds in so I can go to Fort Meyers for my 21st birthday :)

But I really hope I can go for my 16th when my friend is going, but I don’t think my parents will let me go to Florida with a guy…

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 25, 2011 10:03 PM EST up reply actions

Agreed

That guy would have to be your husband. At the very least, you can take your 14 year old self to the Twins Caravan when it hits St. Cloud. Denard Span is among the Twins personnel scheduled to be in your area January 25th, but Danny Valencia will not be there. You have to hike it to Twinsfest to see him.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 26, 2011 12:12 AM EST up reply actions

Yeah I know, I'm going with friends to the caravan this year:)

Soooo excited, Benny, Denard, and Renene T (Lol long story)

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 26, 2011 8:54 PM EST up reply actions

I know all about the French Resistance Fighter LOL!

You seen me in the game threads last season.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 27, 2011 1:27 PM EST up reply actions

no the extra ne at the end of his name is what I meant...

I don’t even remember exactly how my friends and I started doing that. I think it had to do with on of them saying how Tosoni sounded like a breed of horse or something maybe the name of one and then we started calling him Renene like a neighing horse.

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 28, 2011 11:19 AM EST up reply actions

Probably St. Paul Sears

Joe grew up poor, in a pretty tough neighborhood. His parents could barely afford Cretin tuition. The best bet is he sat on Santa’s lap at Sears near the State Capitol.

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 24, 2011 2:54 PM EST up reply actions

Wow, I never knew that.

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 24, 2011 3:01 PM EST up reply actions

He walked to school three miles uphill both ways

with nothing but onion sacks on his feet. His daily lunch was dry rice b/c they were too poor to afford the electricity needed to boil it – oh and milk, sweet, sweet milk.

I don't know, but I've been told it's hard to run with the weight of gold,
'the other hand, I've heard it said, it's just as hard with the weight of lead.

by montanatwinsfan on Dec 24, 2011 3:10 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

I never understood the "uphill both ways" saying...

Unless the hill moved, pretty sure that wouldn’t wrok.. just sayin’

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 24, 2011 4:06 PM EST up reply actions

Up and down a big hill

You go uphill both ways… you also go downhill both ways, but no one admits to that part.

by ColossusOfRhode on Dec 24, 2011 11:47 PM EST via mobile up reply actions

Haha oh duh..

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Dec 25, 2011 12:17 AM EST up reply actions

(thing nobody else is going to get...)

Start at the Big House. Walk north on Main. Take a right on Madison. Do your things. Follow directions in reverse order to get back home.

There, uphill both ways. Often in the snow.

[Optional] Hit up Blimpy on the way to or from.

by spanspanspan on Dec 25, 2011 1:16 AM EST up reply actions

Don't forget Washtenaw Dairy!

You’d be right in the neighborhood. Mmm… delicious ice cream.

by ColossusOfRhode on Dec 25, 2011 12:49 PM EST up reply actions

Nom.

I think I prefer Izzy’s in St. Paul, but Washtenaw Dairy is good.

Wait… Izzy’s doesn’t have donuts. Ok, you win.

by spanspanspan on Dec 25, 2011 3:22 PM EST up reply actions

And yet, being no where near Washtenaw Dairy, it is a hollow victory

I’ll console myself with eggnog and cookies while the rest of my family goes to sleep… perhaps while reading my new Target Field book and wearing my new Twins shirt. (It seems my extended family thinks I only have one interest.)

And Joe wrote the afterword to the book. To bring it full circle, he doesn’t mention where he saw Santa, but he says that he didn’t see an outdoor major league game until he played in one… that’s how poor he was.

by ColossusOfRhode on Dec 26, 2011 12:50 AM EST up reply actions

Or

His Elementary School was on the top of one hill while his high school was on another.

Seriously, they are giving you grief. Joe Mauer most likely rode a school bus, and he started his schooling in 1987 or 1988

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 25, 2011 12:44 PM EST up reply actions

school buses weren't invented in Joe's part of St. Paul by the time he started school

"Nobody wants to hear me rap." - Joe Mauer
"The more toppings a man has on his pizza, I believe the more manly he is." - Herman Cain

by what_would_gil_thorp_do on Dec 25, 2011 5:09 PM EST up reply actions

So

He’s Johnny Bench’s father and brought to the present as a boy by Doc Brown aboard his time machine.

That explains everything because Marty McFly must be a Twins fan.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 25, 2011 5:39 PM EST up reply actions

Well couldn't they light a fire to boil the water?

"Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona." ~George F. Will

by SooFoo Fan on Dec 24, 2011 5:25 PM EST up reply actions

No.

He didn’t have Drew back in those days.

by spanspanspan on Dec 24, 2011 6:49 PM EST up reply actions 2 recs

Didn't know Valencia was Jewish

So, instead of writing Santa, he can ask God for a great season in his contract year and sing “If I Were A Rich Man” from “Fiddler on the Roof.”

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Dec 24, 2011 9:08 AM EST reply actions

He could write to Hanukkah Harry

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 27, 2011 5:02 PM EST up reply actions

That is the SNL Character that I was trying to reference when Twinsgirl first posted this.

But I didn’t find any link to him on Hulu.com so I made a reply to Less Cowbell on his Bah Humbug comment.

Seriously, Jon Lovitx as Hanukkah Harry is the silliest creation ever. There is also Jon Lovitz as the Master Thespian playing Santa Claus at a local mall. That is funny stuff and is on the SNL Christmas DVD along with classics as Alec Baldwin on NPR, Dysfunctional Family Christmas, Steve Martin Giving out his Christmas Wish List, and Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah song.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 27, 2011 5:24 PM EST up reply actions

I've decided...

until I get tired of it, I’m going to read all of Jessy S’s posts in a Hindi accent.

by spanspanspan on Dec 27, 2011 6:16 PM EST up reply actions 6 recs

Go ahead

Just picture me as Apu, but not like the man that basically sells expired food.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
I would like to see Dallas vs the Giants on Thanksgiving, Make it happen NFL!

Check out my eBay items.

by Jessy S on Dec 28, 2011 1:04 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs

Mr. Simpson, do not feed my god a peanut

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Dec 28, 2011 11:25 AM EST up reply actions

Awesome post. And Happy Holidays to all!

When I was a kid, I would cover a blue futon with a white blanket, prop it up with a fan set on high, and pretend it was the Metrodome. That should tell you a lot.

by MarshalltheIrish on Dec 24, 2011 8:27 PM EST reply actions