Eleven Things Joe Mauer Won't Say On Jimmy Fallon
by Jon Marthaler on Feb 14, 2011 9:01 AM EST
in WTF
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PrintTomorrow night, Joe Mauer will be appearing on "Late Night With Jimmy Fallon," promoting the video game for which he is this year's cover boy, "MLB 11 The Show." The last time I can recall a Twin appearing on a late-night talk show was when David Letterman had a Twin Cities-themed Late Show, and had Kirby Puckett on to read the top ten list, "The Top Ten Ways To Mispronounce Kirby Puckett."
I have my suspicions that Mauer's appearance on Fallon will not be that exciting, or that funny.
I have my suspicions that Mauer will be the same self-effacing, pleasantly bland interview that he's been pretty much continuously for the dozen or so years he's been famous in Minnesota.
I have my suspicions that he will not say any of the following eleven things...
1. "That slogan, 'Virginia Is For Lovers?' That's really only true when we play the Nationals and our team hotel is in Arlington."
2. "I think the thing I'm proudest of is that my cabin has the second-largest walk-in beer cooler in Minnesota. "
3. "The reason I didn't go to Florida State was because I didn't want to go to class. It wasn't until later that I found out that doesn't matter at Florida State."
4. "None of this would have happened if my grandpa had let me be in the glee club like I wanted."
5. "You know what I'm gonna do, right after this broadcast? I'm gonna get in my car, I'm gonna drive to Wisconsin, and I'm gonna beat the hell out of some punks from Fond du Lac."
6. "Your backstage people are mean. They were all like, 'No, Joe, you have to wear pants when you're on the air.' This place has more rules than a Detroit Lakes strip club."
7. "The best part about being a star: I don't have to do the out-of-state Winter Caravan trips anymore. South Dakota smells like a rotting deer carcass."
8. "What do you mean, I can't smoke in here? You said I couldn't smoke cigarettes. This ain't no cigarette, friend."
9. "That lady in the commercials with me, pretending to be my mom? I'd never met her before in my entire life."
10. "I don't know what's a bigger ruse - my 'just a nice boy from St. Paul' act, or Justin Morneau pretending he's from Canada."
11. "This is pretty exciting. If I do good tonight, who knows, they might let me be on a late-night show that somebody actually watches."
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Definitely was weird
Not for any of the other stories either
by twinscrazy_german on Feb 14, 2011 12:26 PM EST up reply actions
This story broke the internets.
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Gardy MOY. Feel great disturbance in Force. As if millions of Internet cranks cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." -BatGirl
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Feb 14, 2011 2:40 PM EST up reply actions
+11
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Gardy MOY. Feel great disturbance in Force. As if millions of Internet cranks cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." -BatGirl
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Feb 14, 2011 2:42 PM EST up reply actions
Yeah, I'm sort of shocked Fallon is still hosting.
I’m not a big late-night talk guy, but I watched just a touch of Fallon early on and thought it was basically unwatchable. I gave him about a month. Although I never really liked him on SNL either so I guess some are seeing something I don’t.
Hey I find Fallon really not funny.
In fact I didn’t like that whole group he was with on SNL, Tiny Fey really annoys me. Not as much as Fallon though.
FREE AIRWOLF!
He was made to host a talk show...
because he no longer needs to hold in his laughter and he’s SUPPOSED to look at the camera!
P.S. #8 is excellent
Fallon loves competing in little games w/ guests....
I bet we see a HR Derby between Joe and Jimmy…….
Wasn't Joe the cover boy last year as well?
Is that normal, two years in a row? Pretty cool, either way.
I never watch Jimmy Fallon, but it looks like I’ll be changing that tomorrow night. Here’s to Joe not being crazy boring…
俳句！
Yes, he was
And I’d say it’s not normal. I’m surprised they didn’t go with Felix, Cabrera, Hamilton or Votto though I don’t know when they actually choose or what standards they have. I think Halladay is on the 2K11 game, so I can see not wanting the same player on both games…that’s why I didn’t include him.
I never watch the show either, but now I will. I’ll probably forget though.
Baseball reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again.-Terence Mann/James Earl Jones in FoD
Yeah, it definitely seems weird
You would think that if they went with Mauer they would pair him with someone else?
Or are they trying to make this like Madden? And name it MauerPauer ’12 next year?
by twinscrazy_german on Feb 14, 2011 2:10 PM EST up reply actions
“Last night I DID NOT cry into my pillow because I miss my mom.”
by Brady Eyestone on Feb 14, 2011 12:14 PM EST reply actions 3 recs
This is great
I laughed pretty hard at 3
and obviously 2 would be sweeeeeeet
by twinscrazy_german on Feb 14, 2011 12:25 PM EST reply actions
"If Drew doesn't stop hogging Pavs to himself, I'm gonna shank him."
He wouldn’t say that either.
The only stat that counts is W
I really like 5 and 9. The whole list is made of awesome.
by LittleLad on Feb 14, 2011 1:07 PM EST via mobile reply actions
You know what would be awesome.
Is if Fallon asked Mauer to show his rapping skills and Mauer actually did it on national tv. Now that would be freaking sweet.
by LittleLad on Feb 14, 2011 2:00 PM EST via mobile reply actions
But if he did...
That would be hilarious!
"There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem—once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit." -Al Gallagher
by twinsgirl197 on Feb 14, 2011 6:38 PM EST up reply actions
By the way:
Number 5 is the text of one of Don Shelby’s Breaking News updates on Letterman, in the Kirby Puckett video linked above. (Another “I have a live gopher in my pants. His name is Carlos.”)
Other things he won't be saying
“I’m just so sick of that Kemps Ice Cream crap…”
“I hate Minnesota and all those pale, freckly, model-train playing, hotdish eating, Lutherans! I made ’em pay me $184 million just to stay in that freezer from Hell any longer.”
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Gardy MOY. Feel great disturbance in Force. As if millions of Internet cranks cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced." -BatGirl
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Feb 14, 2011 2:57 PM EST reply actions
Has anyone else realized
that Joe has been a spokesman for both Kemps AND Land O’ Lakes (“Pour it on Twins Fans. Pour it on”)?
It’s pretty fitting.
"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez
Punks from Fond du Lac
Hey, I know a bunch of punk rock (ahem) kids from Fond du Lac: the Fox Valley was evidently a weird little hotbed of punk rock fervor in the early/mid-90’s.
Awesome way to kick off the pre-season.
Go Gophers! Rah!
You got that right.
I was really disapointed, I thought Joe would be interviewed. I thought the whole thing was fucking lame. Joe hardly said a thing. Oh Well!!!!!
by LittleLad on Feb 16, 2011 1:56 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
I missed it but saw some clips on the news
I’m guessing I didn’t miss much, not that I was expecting much anyway…
Baseball reminds us of all that once was good, and that could be again.-Terence Mann/James Earl Jones in FoD
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