A List of Things That Baffle and/or Amuse Ron Gardenhire Besides the Internet


"You can tweet that. Just tweet it. You don’t even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet." --Ron Gardenhire

If there's been one constant from the Twins skipper this spring, it's been his daily quotes to Twins beat reporters referencing Twitter, the internet, a series of tubes, etc. These things seem to be said in the vein of someone who is overwhelmed by all the new-fangled technology out there. In other words, Ron Gardenhire is your parents. Here are some other things that he just doesn't get:

  • The waffle station in the hotel's continental breakfast area.
  • David Bowie's Berlin trilogy
  • Kegel exercises
  • Everyday low prices at Wal-Mart
  • Edamame
  • Willie Tyler & Lester
  • Pulp-free orange juice ("Where did the pulp GO?")
  • Cell phones
  • Modems
  • Fax Machines
  • Mimeographs
  • Calligraphy
  • Voice Mail
  • Email
  • The term "snail mail" being a metaphor, not an actual thing
  • The fact that there are two Battlestar Galacticas. ("Which one had Robbie the Robot? I liked that one.")
  • Kevin Slowey
  • Oxford commas
  • Jugglers
  • Mimes
  • Street magicians
  • Human statuary ("I bet they went to grad school for this.")
  • Flash mobs
  • Skinny ties
  • That funny-dancin' Irish fella
  • Sushi
  • Monroe, the flamboyant neighbor on Too Close for Comfort ("He's always just showin' up unannounced.")
  • Lawn gnomes
  • The New York Yankees
  • Grunge
  • Garage
  • Chillwave
  • New Wave
  • Grime
  • Dubstep
  • Scarves
  • The art of Jackson Pollock ("Chrysler, it's just a bunch of dots.")
  • Beer that doesn't come in can form
  • MP3s
  • MP3 players
  • BABIP
  • UZR
  • OPS
  • OPS+
  • Quarterback rating
  • Plus/Minus
  • John Hollinger's PER
  • Barometers
  • Aioli
  • Morrissey
  • The bloggers
  • People with last names for first names ("Can't trust 'em. Look at my starting lineup, look at my rotation: not a one of 'em. I bet Kevin is someone's last name.")
  • Karaoke bars
  • Piano bars
  • Daiquiri bars ("Judas Priest. Slushies.")
  • Hunter Wendelstedt
  • Gravity
  • Why the restaurant sometimes gives you jelly to dip your jalapeno poppers in. ("If I wanted toast, I would've ordered toast. That's what jelly's for.")
  • Not pitching to contact.
  • Dogme 95
  • The Pitchfork rating system. ("No way in hell that Kid A's is a 10.0. It's just bleeps and bloops. The Bends, now that's something.")
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