"You can tweet that. Just tweet it. You don’t even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet."  --Ron Gardenhire

If there's been one constant from the Twins skipper this spring, it's been his daily quotes to Twins beat reporters referencing Twitter, the internet, a series of tubes, etc.  These things seem to be said in the vein of someone who is overwhelmed by all the new-fangled technology out there. In other words, Ron Gardenhire is your parents. Here are some other things that he just doesn't get:

• The waffle station in the hotel's continental breakfast area.
  
• David Bowie's Berlin trilogy
• Kegel exercises
• Everyday low prices at Wal-Mart
• Edamame
• Willie Tyler & Lester
• Pulp-free orange juice ("Where did the pulp GO?")
• Cell phones
• Modems
• Fax Machines
• Mimeographs
• Calligraphy
• Voice Mail
• Email
• The term "snail mail" being a metaphor, not an actual thing
• The fact that there are two Battlestar Galacticas.  ("Which one had Robbie the Robot?  I liked that one.")
  
• Kevin Slowey
• Oxford commas
• Jugglers
• Mimes
• Street magicians
• Human statuary ("I bet they went to grad school for this.")
  
• Flash mobs
• Skinny ties
• That funny-dancin' Irish fella
• Sushi
• Monroe, the flamboyant neighbor on Too Close for Comfort ("He's always just showin' up unannounced.")
• Lawn gnomes
• The New York Yankees
• Grunge
• Garage
• Chillwave
• New Wave
• Grime
• Dubstep
• Scarves
  
• The art of Jackson Pollock ("Chrysler, it's just a bunch of dots.")
• Beer that doesn't come in can form
  
• MP3s
• MP3 players
• BABIP
• UZR
• OPS
• OPS+
• Quarterback rating
• Plus/Minus
• John Hollinger's PER
• Barometers
• Aioli
• Morrissey
• The bloggers
• People with last names for first names ("Can't trust 'em.  Look at my starting lineup, look at my rotation: not a one of 'em.  I bet Kevin is someone's last name.")
• Karaoke bars
• Piano bars
• Daiquiri bars ("Judas Priest.  Slushies.")
• Hunter Wendelstedt
• Gravity
• Why the restaurant sometimes gives you jelly to dip your jalapeno poppers in.  ("If I wanted toast, I would've ordered toast.  That's what jelly's for.")
• Not pitching to contact.
• Dogme 95
• The Pitchfork rating system.  ("No way in hell that Kid A's is a 10.0.  It's just bleeps and bloops.  The Bends, now that's something.")