A List of Things That Baffle and/or Amuse Ron Gardenhire Besides the Internet
by RandBall's Stu on Mar 25, 2011 9:23 AM EDT
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"You can tweet that. Just tweet it. You don’t even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet." --Ron Gardenhire
If there's been one constant from the Twins skipper this spring, it's been his daily quotes to Twins beat reporters referencing Twitter, the internet, a series of tubes, etc. These things seem to be said in the vein of someone who is overwhelmed by all the new-fangled technology out there. In other words, Ron Gardenhire is your parents. Here are some other things that he just doesn't get:
- The waffle station in the hotel's continental breakfast area.
- David Bowie's Berlin trilogy
- Kegel exercises
- Everyday low prices at Wal-Mart
- Edamame
- Willie Tyler & Lester
- Pulp-free orange juice ("Where did the pulp GO?")
- Cell phones
- Modems
- Fax Machines
- Mimeographs
- Calligraphy
- Voice Mail
- The term "snail mail" being a metaphor, not an actual thing
- The fact that there are two Battlestar Galacticas. ("Which one had Robbie the Robot? I liked that one.")
- Kevin Slowey
- Oxford commas
- Jugglers
- Mimes
- Street magicians
- Human statuary ("I bet they went to grad school for this.")
- Flash mobs
- Skinny ties
- That funny-dancin' Irish fella
- Sushi
- Monroe, the flamboyant neighbor on Too Close for Comfort ("He's always just showin' up unannounced.")
- Lawn gnomes
- The New York Yankees
- Grunge
- Garage
- Chillwave
- New Wave
- Grime
- Dubstep
- Scarves
- The art of Jackson Pollock ("Chrysler, it's just a bunch of dots.")
- Beer that doesn't come in can form
- MP3s
- MP3 players
- BABIP
- UZR
- OPS
- OPS+
- Quarterback rating
- Plus/Minus
- John Hollinger's PER
- Barometers
- Aioli
- Morrissey
- The bloggers
- People with last names for first names ("Can't trust 'em. Look at my starting lineup, look at my rotation: not a one of 'em. I bet Kevin is someone's last name.")
- Karaoke bars
- Piano bars
- Daiquiri bars ("Judas Priest. Slushies.")
- Hunter Wendelstedt
- Gravity
- Why the restaurant sometimes gives you jelly to dip your jalapeno poppers in. ("If I wanted toast, I would've ordered toast. That's what jelly's for.")
- Not pitching to contact.
- Dogme 95
- The Pitchfork rating system. ("No way in hell that Kid A's is a 10.0. It's just bleeps and bloops. The Bends, now that's something.")
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Scott? Francisco? Carl?
I think the rotation is a sign of impending doom by this theory. We won’t even start with which of Nishioka’s names is the first one.
This made my morning
But I do have to agree with the jelly/jalapeño poppers thing.
+1 on Hunter Wendlestedt
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/mel_antonen/03/24/jim.thome/index.html?eref=sihp
anybody see this article yet???/
Jim Thome didn’t when a world series???? Yeah Ok i hope that writer doesn’t lose his job. (2005 Chicago)
Nishi to Alexi = Double Play
by SteveHoffmanSlowey on Mar 25, 2011 8:23 AM EDT reply actions
Um, Thome was on the Phillies in 2005
He didn’t join the Sox until 2006….
"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez
Ron Gardenhire does not give a...
f*ck about an Oxford comma.
x
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
RT @RonGarde You can Tweet that. Just Tweet it. You don't even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet.
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Mar 25, 2011 8:54 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
I would just like to say how disappointed I am in myself
I had to google “Oxford comma”.
I am fully, wholly, and completely in favor of it.
"There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
I'd be curious to know how much of a spike in the google/wikipedia traffic there was for "oxford comma"
The power of Twinkietown
I think Vampire Weekend had more to do with it
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZW7bB8D_mAY
I knew it as a “serial comma”. Its kinda weird crediting a school on the other side of the pond for something like that. “Oxford Comma” works better in song, though.
That Gardenhire quote is sig worthy.
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
RT @RonGarde You can Tweet that. Just Tweet it. You don't even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet.
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Mar 25, 2011 8:55 AM EDT reply actions
Does Gardy
not understand lawn gnomes because he looks like one? Is he confused as to why so many people have little statues of him on their lawns?
I'm pretty sure Gardy has been stealing my underwear too.
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
RT @RonGarde You can Tweet that. Just Tweet it. You don't even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet.
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Mar 25, 2011 10:20 AM EDT up reply actions
Awesome.
Step One: Battle your tail off.
Step Two: ????
Step Three: Profit!
-Flip
by Flip27 on Mar 25, 2011 1:02 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Actual Twins Business Plan
Step One: Battle your tail off in the regular season.
Step Two: Lose to the Yankees in the ALDS.
Step Three: Profit because we don’t have to pay Joe Mauer for the ALCS and World Series.
Pulp-free orange juice ("Where did the pulp GO?")
LOL! Great. Love it. Rec’d.
"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez
"The Pitchfork rating system. ("No way in hell that Kid A's is a 10.0. It's just bleeps and bloops. The Bends, now that's something.")"
Yep, Gardy would say that.
"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez
It's a shame he hasn't discovered Kegels.
Poor Mrs. Gardenhire. Now, barf.
"I wanted to do it because it's fun, it's fun to do bad things and drive into a car."
by PurplePeopleEaters on Mar 25, 2011 11:51 AM EDT reply actions
Wait, what? Ron Gardenhire is unfamiliar and uncomfortable with novelty and innovation?
No way. Never woulda guessed that from the decisions he makes. I’m just shocked.
Pulp-free orange juice ("Where did the pulp GO?")
My personal favorite
You, sir, are a mouthful.
by Att. Bob Loblaw on Mar 25, 2011 2:18 PM EDT reply actions
Fantastic list
Good god, the Radiohead reference was amazing. From now on I’ll picture Gardy blasting “The Bends” in his office. Priceless.
When I was a kid, I would cover a blue futon with a white blanket, prop it up with a fan set on high, and pretend it was the Metrodome. That should tell you a lot.
by MarshalltheIrish on Mar 25, 2011 3:43 PM EDT reply actions
I havenn't listened to that album in awhile
no one better post “what’s an album?”
damn kids, get off my lawn!
Is this
in reference to less cowbell, more ‘nea last night when I didn’t know what NWA was? Lol, because if it is, I know what an album is
"There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem—once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit." -Al Gallagher
by twinsgirl197 on Mar 25, 2011 6:45 PM EDT up reply actions
I'm not allowed to listen to rap
My house is pretty much a dictatorship. And yeah, some new jokes are needed but these ones are still funny
"There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem—once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit." -Al Gallagher
by twinsgirl197 on Mar 25, 2011 11:12 PM EDT up reply actions
I just read the string
that was pretty funny, and funny that the next day a I drop a get off my lawn line…
I think new jokes are needed here…
Er, no look up NWA
Dr Dre, Eazy-E, Ice Cube, Ren Dog, etc.
"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez
Something else Gardy isn't very familiar with
Losing Seasons
and I’m OK with that
The only stat that counts is W
A player’s UZR does not necessarily tell you how he actually played just as it does not necessarily tell you what his true talent is. Mitchel Lichtman, creator of UZR
Actually
There are the 2005 and 2007 seasons. Jimmers ended our season in 2008 in game 163, but that doesn’t really count because we ended with a winning record.
83-79 in 2005 is a winning record
The only stat that counts is W
A player’s UZR does not necessarily tell you how he actually played just as it does not necessarily tell you what his true talent is. Mitchel Lichtman, creator of UZR
No, you can't do that
He said “actually.” That means he’s right.
"...and we'll see ya tomorrow night!" - Jack Buck, Game 6, 1991 World Series
by WindyCityTwinsFan on Mar 26, 2011 12:22 AM EDT up reply actions
True
We didn’t win the division or the Wild Card and the White Sox were tough on us and all of baseball. I don’t recall 2005 a successful year by any stretch of the imagination.
Kids these days ;)
Spoiled by success. Live through enough 90 loss seasons and you come to appreciate when a down season still means the team wins more than they lose.
The only stat that counts is W
A player’s UZR does not necessarily tell you how he actually played just as it does not necessarily tell you what his true talent is. Mitchel Lichtman, creator of UZR
Flash Mobs?
You Want Flash Mobs? I’ll give you flash mobs.
No Nick Punto?
He’ll be checking the boxscores nightly.
Also: Gardy doesn’t understand Boca Burgers.
by Brady Eyestone on Mar 26, 2011 12:24 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Gardy doesn't understand Twitter
“Just fire it over the Internet. You don’t even have to write it. Just tweet it and it’s out.”
"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot
This is great
Take your whosh like a man, dammit. - RWShow
White Sox Baseball:
We’re so expensive, we force Christians to steal. - blackoutsox
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