Five Lists of Five

It's the Twins' last day in Fort Myers - it feels like we should celebrate by making some Top Five lists.

The Top Five Twins Spring Training Storylines

  1. Michael Cuddyer's disgusting foot
  2. Justin Morneau's head
  3. Joe Mauer's knee that apparently has nothing wrong with it and he's just not playing because so much nothing is wrong.
  4. Kevin Slowey getting sent to the bullpen, possibly because the team doesn't like him because he was smart enough to not have to major in Eating Rocks in college.
  5. Ron Gardenhire discovering Twitter

The Top Five Things Ron Gardenhire Would Tweet About, If He Ever Got A Twitter Account

  1. Bowling
  2. RVs
  3. Getting after it
  4. Thinly veiled threats to @OzzieGuillen
  5. Fake Twins news ("Kevin Slowey was just eaten by wolves lol lol")

The Top Five Things That Are Getting "Accidentally" Left Behind In Fort Myers Today

  1. Ten cans of Turfman's Best Moustache Wax, sent to Carl Pavano by a few admiring middle-aged ladies and one hopeful young man
  2. Twenty pounds of M&M's that just wouldn't fit in Matt Capps's suitcase
  3. The Mayor's Cup
  4. Anthony Slama
  5. Every one of Drew Butera's bats

Five Awards The Twins Care More About Than The Mayor's Cup

  1. Jose Mijares's T-shirt for eating twelve blazing hot wings in less than one hour
  2. Ron Gardenhire's suspicious honorary doctorate from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology
  3. A self-printed congratulatory certificate for reaching Level 99 Night Elf that Lew Ford left laying around a few years ago
  4. Joe Mauer's 1992 award for making all the way to Oregon as a farmer from Illinois, along with two members of his party, "Poop" and "Wang"
  5. A "Somebody Went To Carlsbad Caverns And All I Got Was This Lousy Magnet" fridge magnet that Wayne Hattaway won as a door prize

Five Promo Days The Twins Rejected For This Year

  1. 1981 Twins 30-year reunion, commemorating the team that went 41-68 and finished last
  2. LaTroy Hawkins bobblehead to commemorate the ten-year anniversary of the team's 2001 August collapse
  3. First 10,000 fans get a wispy Matt Capps goatee
  4. Reunion weekend for all members of the Dustan Mohr 3,000 Hit Club. (He's just 2,660 hits short.)
  5. First 5,000 left-handed fans get a chance to pitch out of the bullpen
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