Five Lists of Five
by Jon Marthaler on Mar 28, 2011 9:00 AM EDT
in Spring Training
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PrintIt's the Twins' last day in Fort Myers - it feels like we should celebrate by making some Top Five lists.
The Top Five Twins Spring Training Storylines
- Michael Cuddyer's disgusting foot
- Justin Morneau's head
- Joe Mauer's knee that apparently has nothing wrong with it and he's just not playing because so much nothing is wrong.
- Kevin Slowey getting sent to the bullpen, possibly because the team doesn't like him because he was smart enough to not have to major in Eating Rocks in college.
- Ron Gardenhire discovering Twitter
The Top Five Things Ron Gardenhire Would Tweet About, If He Ever Got A Twitter Account
- Bowling
- RVs
- Getting after it
- Thinly veiled threats to @OzzieGuillen
- Fake Twins news ("Kevin Slowey was just eaten by wolves lol lol")
The Top Five Things That Are Getting "Accidentally" Left Behind In Fort Myers Today
- Ten cans of Turfman's Best Moustache Wax, sent to Carl Pavano by a few admiring middle-aged ladies and one hopeful young man
- Twenty pounds of M&M's that just wouldn't fit in Matt Capps's suitcase
- The Mayor's Cup
- Anthony Slama
- Every one of Drew Butera's bats
Five Awards The Twins Care More About Than The Mayor's Cup
- Jose Mijares's T-shirt for eating twelve blazing hot wings in less than one hour
- Ron Gardenhire's suspicious honorary doctorate from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology
- A self-printed congratulatory certificate for reaching Level 99 Night Elf that Lew Ford left laying around a few years ago
- Joe Mauer's 1992 award for making all the way to Oregon as a farmer from Illinois, along with two members of his party, "Poop" and "Wang"
- A "Somebody Went To Carlsbad Caverns And All I Got Was This Lousy Magnet" fridge magnet that Wayne Hattaway won as a door prize
Five Promo Days The Twins Rejected For This Year
- 1981 Twins 30-year reunion, commemorating the team that went 41-68 and finished last
- LaTroy Hawkins bobblehead to commemorate the ten-year anniversary of the team's 2001 August collapse
- First 10,000 fans get a wispy Matt Capps goatee
- Reunion weekend for all members of the Dustan Mohr 3,000 Hit Club. (He's just 2,660 hits short.)
- First 5,000 left-handed fans get a chance to pitch out of the bullpen
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The Ft. Myers Mayor's Cup is clearly THE most important award that will be given this year.
Mostly because we won it! So those overpriced chowdaheads can suck on it! And while I’m at it, no story? No game recap? That was one of the awesomest comebacks in Twins history and not even a mention until this so-called ’celebration." Twinkie Town, I am disappoint.
“Waiting for my call from President Obama … I’ve got to show Nishi the White House.” – Ron Gardenhire after being presented 2011 Ft. Myers Mayor’s Cup..
"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
RT @RonGarde You can Tweet that. Just Tweet it. You don't even have to write it. Just fire it through the Internet.
by less cowbell, more 'neau on Mar 28, 2011 9:20 AM EDT reply actions
This reminds me
Why isn’t there a fake Gardy account on Twitter yet? So much material to work with…
Bucky's 5th Quarter The best site for Badger news on the web!
Follow me on Twitter for the latest Badger Bits @veldyhoosey
On, Wisconsin!
That just made my day.
Now I’m wondering how much Gardy would need to be paid to have a real account.
Bucky's 5th Quarter The best site for Badger news on the web!
Follow me on Twitter for the latest Badger Bits @veldyhoosey
On, Wisconsin!
by John Veldhuis on Mar 28, 2011 12:36 PM EDT up reply actions
I would like there to be a
@therealgary account to second guess every decision Gardy makes this year
I will be taking all seat reservations
for the interested parties involved in my special weekend. I hear there’s still lots of space available in the right field vampire seats at the metrodome!
Thank you, Twinkie Town, for remembering me.
"one hopeful young man"
So was that Jon or Jesse?
Either way… I’m sorry, guys. Some day, Carl will return your love.
It's actually me AND Jon.
We just alternate days.
by Jesse on Mar 28, 2011 11:27 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Joe Mauer's 1992 award for making all the way to Oregon as a farmer from Illinois, along with two members of his party, "Poop" and "Wang"
LOL
"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez
I can see why he'd leave the award behind, though
It really hit him hard when “BALLS” died of dysentery.
"There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein
by BeefMaster on Mar 28, 2011 12:59 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
I would cheat
And steal my brother’s glove because he used to be a lefty until he got all boring and quit baseball because it “sucks”. I seriously don’t know how I’m related to him or anyone in my family… Pretty sure I’m adopted lol
"There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem—once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit." -Al Gallagher
by twinsgirl197 on Mar 28, 2011 6:39 PM EDT up reply actions
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