It's the Twins' last day in Fort Myers - it feels like we should celebrate by making some Top Five lists.
The Top Five Twins Spring Training Storylines
- Michael Cuddyer's disgusting foot
- Justin Morneau's head
- Joe Mauer's knee that apparently has nothing wrong with it and he's just not playing because so much nothing is wrong.
- Kevin Slowey getting sent to the bullpen, possibly because the team doesn't like him because he was smart enough to not have to major in Eating Rocks in college.
- Ron Gardenhire discovering Twitter
The Top Five Things Ron Gardenhire Would Tweet About, If He Ever Got A Twitter Account
- Getting after it
- Thinly veiled threats to @OzzieGuillen
- Fake Twins news ("Kevin Slowey was just eaten by wolves lol lol")
The Top Five Things That Are Getting "Accidentally" Left Behind In Fort Myers Today
- Ten cans of Turfman's Best Moustache Wax, sent to Carl Pavano by a few admiring middle-aged ladies and one hopeful young man
- Twenty pounds of M&M's that just wouldn't fit in Matt Capps's suitcase
- The Mayor's Cup
- Anthony Slama
- Every one of Drew Butera's bats
Five Awards The Twins Care More About Than The Mayor's Cup
- Jose Mijares's T-shirt for eating twelve blazing hot wings in less than one hour
- Ron Gardenhire's suspicious honorary doctorate from the Sam Houston Institute of Technology
- A self-printed congratulatory certificate for reaching Level 99 Night Elf that Lew Ford left laying around a few years ago
- Joe Mauer's 1992 award for making all the way to Oregon as a farmer from Illinois, along with two members of his party, "Poop" and "Wang"
- A "Somebody Went To Carlsbad Caverns And All I Got Was This Lousy Magnet" fridge magnet that Wayne Hattaway won as a door prize
Five Promo Days The Twins Rejected For This Year
- 1981 Twins 30-year reunion, commemorating the team that went 41-68 and finished last
- LaTroy Hawkins bobblehead to commemorate the ten-year anniversary of the team's 2001 August collapse
- First 10,000 fans get a wispy Matt Capps goatee
- Reunion weekend for all members of the Dustan Mohr 3,000 Hit Club. (He's just 2,660 hits short.)
- First 5,000 left-handed fans get a chance to pitch out of the bullpen