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Breaking News!


The Minnesota Twins have announced that the Lord has made His will known, and they are canceling the rest of their season, forfeiting the remainder of their regular season schedule.

     How did the Twins discern God's will, apart from having the worst record in major league baseball and half of their starting roster on the disabled list?  Well, the last game of their previous homestand it snowed during the game, which they lost royally.  The first game back at home two weeks later?  It hails on them, and they lose again, royally!  The hail did not contain fire, like the hail of the famous plagues on Egypt, but it was enough for manager Ron Gardenhire to call the rest of the season quits.

     Twins players in the dugout during the hail delay tried to catch the hailstones as they came hurtling out of the night sky.  Unfortunately, they had no more luck catching hailstones then they have had catching fly balls this season, or catching a break, or...well, you get the idea. 

     While the Twins are leading the majors in CFA (Catching the Flu Average) and ODLA (On the Disabled List Average), they have so far failed to lead the league in any meaningful, positive category.  Fans will hold a wake on Sunday, singing the Home Run Song and the Rally Song with the Target Field organ (and tear-filled eyes) accompanying, mourn the season that was not meant to be, eat salads and say, "Uff da, mega" a lot at the luncheon, and quietly go their separate ways.  Until next season's World Series Championsip Twins take the field to make this all a bad memory, GO TWINS!

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