These recaps are starting to all sound the same, aren't they? They all go something like this...
[Name of city in which Twins just got whomped] - For the Twins, the frustration continues to mount.
"We know we're a good team," said [Name of Twin. NOTE: Cannot be any of three highest-paid players on team]. "We just have to find a way to turn it around."
The Twins, who have scored fewer and given up more runs than any other team in baseball, dropped their [reference to ridiculous run of losing, such as "ninth of ten games."] It is the first time they have [reference to historic failure, such as "been swept by the Royals since George Brett was playing third base"].
[Paragraph about whichever pitcher got shellacked in game - usually Dusty Hughes]
[Paragraph about the Twins' inability to hit. If on deadline, quote season statistics for Alexi Casilla]
[Short recap of star of game for other team. Be sure to highlight how said player was hitting .135 coming into the game, or had an ERA of over 11, or was playing in his first major league game, or had a deadly combination of polio, rickets, and the horse flu, but still managed to get three hits and drive in four.]
"We have to keep pulling for each other," said Michael Cuddyer, who was 0-4 with two strikeouts. "It's time for us to make our own luck." [NOTE: You can print this seven times a week and it'll be pretty close to what Cuddyer actually did and said, so only replace it if you have extra time before filing the story,]
"We just need to stick together," said [Name of player quoted in the first paragraph]. "If we can do that, then we'll be okay."