The Stat-Nerds have had a lot to say lately, as have the Vultures, so I figured it was time for the Sci-Fi/Fantasy Geeks to weigh in on the current plight of the Twins.
And I've found the best analogy I can come up with isn't Star Wars, Dungeons and Dragons, or Harry Potter. For the starting nine, the best I can come up with is the Lord of the Rings.
Unfortunately, this only applies to the position players, but I've found a bunch of analogs:
As Gandalf, Joe Mauer: Nearly absent in the early part of the story (imprisoned by knee surgery/Saruman,) he comes back briefly only to lead the Fellowship straight into disaster in the Mines of Moria/April-May. He subsequently succumbs to the Balrog/soreness and finds himself "out of space and time"/rehabbing in Ft. Myers. Look to his coming with the rising sun. By which I mean the summer solstice, June 21.
As Aragorn, Justin Morneau: He's doing o.k. right now, and doing his best to lead the Fellowship through these troubled times, but just wait until he gets his sword/bat fixed and raises an army of the dead/Harmon Killebrew and Kirby Pucket, to a victorious comeback.
As Gimli, Jason Kubel: The beard, and the mighty swing of the battle axe. Enough said. Plus, he's learned to ride horses/hit lefties.
As Legolas, Denard Span: The fleet-footed one, keen-eyed one, slinging arrows/singles all over the field, and whatnot. Saying things like, "A fell wind blows." "And so do the Tigers and White Sox."
As Boromir, Delmon Young: Not particularly likeable, swings that broadsword at everything. Occasionally connects with an Orc/fastball (At least Boromir could take a strike/arrow--did you see that 12 pitch/arrow at bat he took?) Of course Boromir briefly redeems himself, and then goes away forever, to be replaced by his less powerful but higher "quality" brother, Faramir. (You pick the young outfielder here--probably Revere. But maybe Solarte.)
As Merry, Danny Valencia: Strong, good looking, he pulls his weight, but he's still just a Hobbit.
As Samwise, Trevor Plouffe: A bit of a bumbler, but a stand-up guy. And he's pretty strong, even for a Hobbit. "I can't carry the ring!"/play defense, "but I can carry you!"/hit home runs. Keep in mind he get's banished for a little while, but comes back strong in the end.
As Pippin, Alexi Casilla: Loveable character--charming and all, but ultimately the source of big problems for the Fellowship. He managed to start the chain reaction that summoned the Balrog that made Joe Mauer sore, which explains a lot. He mischievously looked into the...the...crystal ball thingy and got really scared and consequently he is afraid of balls, both pitched to him and hit to him. But, in the end, even he redeems himself, so there's that.
As Frodo, Michael Cuddyer: Perhaps poorly suited to carry the Ring/team, he has nonetheless stepped up and done his best, even though Elrond could have gotten a Replacement Level Hobbit like a Hornblower or a Proudfoot, for many fewer shillings. He is kind to the catcher/Gollum, whether it be Stinker/Butera/the Bad Gollum, or Slinker/Rivera/the less bad Gollum. In the end he destroys the ring/wins the ring and sails off to the grey havens/doesn't get a new contract.
There's also an aging King/Jim Thome/Joe Nathan he plays a key role but ends up out of the story, an arrogant Regent/manager/general manager/doctor/third base coach who lights himself on fire and jumps off a tower, a couple of powerful women (fishcean and myjah?) who play a key role, and a powerful warrior who rides horses/hits lefties that enters the picture. Plus the Dunedain/deadline reliever acquisitions/Twins minor leaguers, whoever they are.
So there you go. The Twins destroy the Ring/Win the Ring and a big volcano erupts. Enjoy the show.