Twas a good baby harp seal season. The market for furs has been hot in Belorus; and to a lesser extent Mother Russia herself. Been out of the loop, as they say, and I need to get myself back up to speed quick-like.Justin Morneau hit a homer the other day. I assume that is number 15 on the year or so. Nothing like a good concussion to bring yer to yer senses. Why, I once swung might and hard at this cute littler feller north on Namtiooieket, and damned if I didn't follow through straight to me own skull. Knocked me silly, but I was up and at 'em bright and early the next day, and I found I was swinging neeter than a skeeter's peter--I mean really knocking those suckers out.
Jim Thome also recently hit his--what 607th homer or somethin'? Well, hellfire, he'll have a field day at his own stomping grounds.
Alexi Casilla I heard smacked a triple or two the other day? Hellfire, just what I predicted right here on TwinkieTown back in January or so, right before I headed north. Doesn't surprise me a bit, that feisty, little whippersnapper! Good on ya, Lex!
Dusty Hughes--What can you say--a truly great porn name. Kind of like the guy whose trademark move always involves a cowboy hat and some spurs. Keep on dealin' Dusty!
Drew Butera--Well, he washed out as a seal-smacker, so I recommended him to the Twins. Best of luck, City Slicker.
Joe Mauer--Well, sorry folks, but he's been with me, clubbin' baby harp seals for the Russkie fur trade. You never seen such a sweet left handed swing. See, the key is knockin' em silly without breakin' the skin. Blood'll ruin that fur quicker than you can say "Cuddyer GIDP."
Francisco Liriano--Here he's on the ol' beanhill tonight. Good for him. Haven't heard tell of his results this year, but I've been carrying his peripheral numbers around in a leather pouch for the last three months and danged if they haven't proven right lucky--BABIP be denied. That is one warm weather pitcher that belongs in the Yukon. I do believe that slider would be one nasty "out" pitch for them tender little fellas, if you know what I mean.
Carl Pavano--WhooBooy! Get yerself up her to the Yukon! You are one seal -smackin' son of buck! Giddyup!
Well, that's all I got. Lookin' forward to some Twins baseball! Got a big ol' flask of whiskey for the Dazzleman! (And anybody else that needs a pull, not that you should...)