Twas a good baby harp seal season.  The market for furs has been hot in Belorus; and to a lesser extent Mother Russia herself.  Been out of the loop, as they say, and I need to get myself back up to speed quick-like.

From what I've gathered, the Tigers and Sox have sucked, so I assume the Twins have a healthy lead in the central.  Good, good.  All well and good.  Here's what else I've heard through the telegraph...

Justin Morneau hit a homer the other day.  I assume that is number 15 on the year or so.  Nothing like a good concussion to bring yer to yer senses.  Why, I once swung might and hard at this cute littler feller north on Namtiooieket, and damned if I didn't follow through straight to me own skull.  Knocked me silly, but I was up and at 'em bright and early the next day, and I found I was swinging neeter than a skeeter's peter--I mean really knocking those suckers out.

Jim Thome also recently hit his--what 607th homer or somethin'?  Well, hellfire, he'll have a field day at his own stomping grounds.

Alexi Casilla I heard smacked a triple or two the other day?  Hellfire, just what I predicted right here on TwinkieTown back in January or so, right before I headed north.  Doesn't surprise me a bit, that feisty, little whippersnapper!  Good on ya, Lex!

Dusty Hughes--What can you say--a truly great porn name.  Kind of like the guy whose trademark move always involves a cowboy hat and some spurs.  Keep on dealin' Dusty!

Drew Butera--Well, he washed out as a seal-smacker, so I recommended him to the Twins.  Best of luck, City Slicker.

Joe Mauer--Well, sorry folks, but he's been with me, clubbin' baby harp seals for the Russkie fur trade.  You never seen such a sweet left handed swing.  See, the key is knockin' em silly without breakin' the skin.  Blood'll ruin that fur quicker than you can say "Cuddyer GIDP."

Francisco Liriano--Here he's on the ol' beanhill tonight.  Good for him.  Haven't heard tell of his results this year, but I've been carrying his peripheral numbers around in a leather pouch for the last three months and danged if they haven't proven right lucky--BABIP be denied.  That is one warm weather pitcher that belongs in the Yukon.  I do believe that slider would be one nasty "out" pitch for them tender little fellas, if you know what I mean.

Carl Pavano--WhooBooy!  Get yerself up her to the Yukon!  You are one seal -smackin' son of buck!  Giddyup!

Well, that's all I got.  Lookin' forward to some Twins baseball! Got a big ol' flask of whiskey for the Dazzleman! (And anybody else that needs a pull, not that you should...)