Possible Upcoming Twins Headlines

by Jon Marthaler on Jun 13, 2011 12:00 PM EDT in WTF

It's Monday, and it's an off day, so let's look forward to the headlines that I think we might be seeing this week:

Red Wings complain about Twins' callup policy
Specifically, they say, "Please stop sending us your injured, crappy stars, and give us back our Triple-A team"

Vegas takes Twins odds off the board
Sports books swamped with Twins fans who believe first 54 games were a fluke, last 11 were not

Cleveland fans regret trading awesome Indians season for Heat loss
"We're glad LeBron failed, but man, we miss when the Indians were good," say fans

Twins sign Michael Cuddyer to 45-year contract extension
Team looks forward to 45-year run of unexplainable winning streaks

Ben Revere: "I've been wearing the glove on the wrong hand"
Explains poor outfield arm, why outfielder hits left and throws right

Twins can't remember why Tsuyoshi Nishioka is here
Says Ron Gardenhire, "I want to say he's a righthanded setup man? Submariner, maybe? Is that right?"

Danny Valencia demoted, Twins retain Luke Hughes
Valencia latest victim of curse placed upon third base by a disgruntled Scott Stahoviak

Jim Hoey hasn't given up a run in four appearances
Yes, Virginia, miracles do happen

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Joe Mauer’s knees fall off in the middle of an at bat against Justin Verlander. He still bats .320.

by Brady Eyestone on Jun 13, 2011 12:05 PM EDT reply actions

Researchers find definition of Bi-Lateral Leg Weakness in a 300 year old medical journal.

They are amazed to discover as well that there hasn’t been a reference to it in any journal since.

by jjohn24680 on Jun 13, 2011 12:37 PM EDT reply actions

Loved the Nishi one

And the Indians is the same as what was said about Morneau and the Canucks then… if they win tonight.

by twinscrazy_german on Jun 13, 2011 1:41 PM EDT reply actions

On the callup policy, I think there was some confusion. The Twins only signed a New York minor league affiliate after misreading the Statue of Liberty’s “give me your tired, your poor injured masses, huddling and yearning to breathe”….

by snolls on Jun 13, 2011 6:43 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Valencia's demostion is not joke

Gardy has been hinting at it ever since Luke Hughes got hot two weeks ago.

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Jun 13, 2011 9:30 PM EDT reply actions

D`:

NO ME GUSTA!!

"There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem—once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit." -Al Gallagher

by twinsgirl197 on Jun 13, 2011 9:41 PM EDT up reply actions

Maybe gardy's trying to light a fire under Valencia or something

Whatever he’s doing, it stinks. He seems to hit two balls on the screws that are caught every night. Yesterday, he lined out to right and got robbed of an extra-base hit on a liner to straight away center. He also got a hit when he nearly took the pitcher’s arm off with a liner. It’s mostly bad luck.

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Jun 13, 2011 11:13 PM EDT up reply actions 4 recs

For a month and a half he’s been hitting the ball like Delmon was early May of last year – lining it RIGHT AT people over and over. For a guy who “goes with his gut” and ignores numbers, Gardenhire is apparently all to enamored of freaking batting average. He obviously sees EVERY game – how can he not see that Valencia is controlling the strike zone well and driving the ball? I don’t get it. I really don’t. Apparently Valencia is failing to correctly aim his line drives.

by tobynotjason on Jun 14, 2011 3:08 AM EDT up reply actions