If Jim Thome's biggest fan managed the Twins

by IloveThomeHomers on Jul 26, 2011 2:12 AM EDT

No disrespect to Ron Gardenhire, but if I had his job for a day, things would change.

Throw out any cookie-cutter ideas you might have about a ballclub...this is how the Twins would look if I was in charge.

First, let's talk pitchers since that's what everyone is worried about these days. Don't stress though, most of these guys won't be pitching once I am done with them.

Peace out to the following: Jose Mijares, Matt Capps, and Chuck James. Perhaps we could trade the three for a re-acquisition of Mr. Neck Tattoo himself, Jon Rauch. Another scenario would be to trade pitchers for outfielders (the more outfielders, the better...you'll see why). Then, it's time to call up Kyle Gibson. Clearly we cannot afford to wait any longer. After giving Kevin Slowey one more chance, how about picking the final replacement pitcher's name out of a hat and send him up from Rochester.

Forget everything I just said about pitching except that the aforementioned players are still a part of the team.

The Twins new pitching staff will be composed entirely of outfielders, including Ben Revere, Delmon Young, Denard Span (when healthy), Jason Kubel, and of course, Michael Cuddyer, aka "Ace". The "arms" of the team need to step it up a notch and now is their time to shine.

Pitching staff replacing (now ex) outfielders will include Glen Perkins, Scott Baker, Brian Duensing, Anthony Swarzak, and Nick Blackburn.

Who will catch? Francisco Liriano and Carl Pavano may be good bets considering their performance on the mound as of late.

As for the infield, Joe Mauer can stay at 1B. Justin Morneau can have another chance in the infield, but he will be moved to 3B. Danny Valencia will be at 2B and Rene Tosoni at SS. Tsuyoshi Nishioka needs more time in the minors after yet another potentially career ending collision tonight with a fellow teammate.

To recap the NEW Minnesota Twins Lineup:

Pitchers:

Ben Revere, Delmon Young, Denard Span, Jason Kubel, Michael Cuddyer, Kevin Slowey, Kyle Gibson, Jon Rauch, and one lucky guy from the minors.

Outfield:

Glen Perkins, Scott Baker, Brian Duensing, Anthony Swarzak, Nick Blackburn

Catchers:

Carl Pavano, Fransisco Liriano

Infield:

Joe Mauer, Justin Morneau, Rene Tosoni, Danny Valencia

DH:

Jim Thome, duh.

Time to think outside the pitching mound, Twins. We've got pretty much all we need with the exception of a few MINOR changes!

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Comments

You heard it here first, folks:

Jessy S, we have found your true love!

by bl4ckduck on Jul 26, 2011 2:30 AM EDT reply actions 10 recs

Seriously this is supposed to be comedy.

Now all that there is left to do is switch to the National League and we will have the best hitting pitchers in the league, however our outfielders will not be hitting as well.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew

by Jessy S on Jul 26, 2011 10:14 AM EDT up reply actions

Got any left?

It has to be good.

by archie2227 on Jul 26, 2011 2:36 AM EDT reply actions

I'm rec'ing this on the assumption that it is a brilliant parody

If we’re going to lose 20-5 with one of only two scoreless innings being pitched by our right fielder/first baseman/all-around-MVP, then we have to have a sense of humor about the rest of the season to make it worth watching.

by ColossusOfRhode on Jul 26, 2011 3:21 AM EDT reply actions

thanks!

When you’re a Twins fan, sometimes humor is all that keeps us hanging on!

"It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out. That's when you've made a lasting impression." -Jim Thome

by IloveThomeHomers on Jul 26, 2011 9:10 AM EDT up reply actions

Agreed

Although your roster is only 21 players and there are 25 players on MLB rosters. Still, I am taking this as comedy.

by Jessy S on Jul 26, 2011 10:16 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

rec'd

Do you want to know the terrifying truth, or do you want to see me sock a few dingers?

by natetheskate on Jul 26, 2011 12:51 PM EDT up reply actions

I left room for a couple others

Who would you add to this list and where would you put them? I will consider revising the roster!

"It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out. That's when you've made a lasting impression." -Jim Thome

by IloveThomeHomers on Jul 26, 2011 3:11 PM EDT up reply actions

I didn't think it was possible...

…but maybe there could be a worse GM than Hawk Harrelson.

"...and we'll see ya tomorrow night!" - Jack Buck, Game 6, 1991 World Series

by WindyCityTwinsFan on Jul 26, 2011 10:21 AM EDT reply actions

Thank you

I love constructive criticism. Where could we improve this roster?

"It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out. That's when you've made a lasting impression." -Jim Thome

by IloveThomeHomers on Jul 26, 2011 3:16 PM EDT up reply actions

Improve?

No bizarro-world Twins line-up is complete without Nick Punto.

"...and we'll see ya tomorrow night!" - Jack Buck, Game 6, 1991 World Series

by WindyCityTwinsFan on Jul 26, 2011 4:37 PM EDT up reply actions

You're right.

Let’s add Nick Pinto back on the roster. Orlando Hudson might as well come back too after his publicity stunt tonight.

"It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out. That's when you've made a lasting impression." -Jim Thome

by IloveThomeHomers on Jul 27, 2011 12:41 AM EDT up reply actions

Who do you think you are, Pete LaCock?

http://mauinews.com/page/blogs.detail/display/3215/Only-in-the-NABL—I-guess.html

trust me guys, you wanna read this

by JTW on Jul 26, 2011 12:24 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs

Lake County, Illinois — Jose Canseco picked up the win tonight for the Yuma Scorpions (13-27). It was just another day in Minor League Baseball and to peak interest, the Fielders placed all listed pitchers in positional spots for the game. The Scorpions manager, Jose Canseco, in return honored this feat and did the same thing. This means, you guessed it, positional players took to the mound. The game, maybe surprisingly, recorded 11-runs in all as the Scorpions won 8-3.

by JTW on Jul 26, 2011 12:26 PM EDT up reply actions

Minor league baseball is awesome

by ColossusOfRhode on Jul 26, 2011 1:34 PM EDT up reply actions

Awesome.

Why yes, from now on you may refer to me as ‘Pete LaCock’. Hey, the plan worked for one team. At this point, the Twins might as well start experimenting a little.

"It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out. That's when you've made a lasting impression." -Jim Thome

by IloveThomeHomers on Jul 26, 2011 3:14 PM EDT up reply actions

Much better than my idea

Which was to gather up the whole team, leave them on some random GM’s doorstep, ring the bell and run like mad!

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. — Yogi Berra

by Twnzfan on Jul 26, 2011 12:29 PM EDT reply actions

It would be to costly

Littering carries a hefty fine

by I_was_here on Jul 26, 2011 1:03 PM EDT up reply actions

True.

Not all things that glitter, shimmer, or even pretend to shine once in a while, are gold.

"It's not what you do when you walk in the door that matters. It's what you do when you walk out. That's when you've made a lasting impression." -Jim Thome

by IloveThomeHomers on Jul 26, 2011 3:15 PM EDT up reply actions

It happened to Homer Simpson

The Denver Broncos got left on his front step. I am sure Cleveland Brown (the Family Guy character who had a spin-off) would love the Minnesota Twins.

by Jessy S on Jul 26, 2011 4:17 PM EDT up reply actions