A Field Guide to Tom Kelly's Baseball Lingo


Twins fans were almost universally enthusiastic about Tom Kelly's performance as Dick Bremer's broadcast partner in Bert Blyleven's absence. Although no one will ever confuse him for a polished media presence, Kelly's clear-eyed, plain-spoken knowledge of the game was a revelation for those used to Bert's downward plane-isms and "circle me" antics.

One of the things that stuck out was Kelly's use of obscure baseball lingo, like diamond cutter (ball hit up the middle) and ugly finder (ball hit into the dugout). With Kelly slated to do more games later in the season, Twinkie Town is providing the following guide to deciphering the other phrases the 2-time World Series winner uses:

  • Pomade Dandy: any ball hit in the direction of Roy Smalley.
  • College Lesbian Phase: whenever Phil Dumatrait pitches a 1-2-3 inning.
  • Stacy: this is what he calls Steve Lombardozzi.
  • Wayfaring Stranger: this is the name of the dog he likes in the sixth race at the track. It has nothing to do with baseball.
  • Jennifer: this is what he calls Robby Incmikoski.
  • Sock Full of Nickels: a pop fly, night game
  • Denver Omelet: a pop fly, day game
  • Lemon Drop: this is the name of the dog he's parlaying with Wayfaring Stranger at the track. Again, nothing to do with baseball.
  • Susan: this is what he calls Anthony Lapanta.
  • The White Lodge: the manager's office
  • The Black Lodge: the press box
  • Garmonbozia: Tsuyoshi Nishioka's swing.
  • Cheryl: this is what he calls Kevin Gorg
  • The Todd Walker Bonus Out: an error
  • Bucket of Piss: Todd Walker, Trevor Plouffe
  • Double Switch: whenever you sub in a less-talented player for a Bucket of Piss who just made a Todd Walker Bonus Out. This less-talented player is always Denny Hocking or Matt Tolbert.
  • Bobby Cox Viagra: an actual double switch.
  • Wisconsin Rapids Bus Ticket: bunt with two strikes.
  • President William Howard Taft: a safety squeeze
  • Gravy Boat: a suicide squeeze
  • Donkey Rinse: all other bunts.
We hope this helps.
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