I’m a season ticket holder at Target Field, and after going to the game this afternoon and seeing something that really irritates me I felt the need to vent my frustration by writing a list of agitating actions I have seen over the last two years. This is stuff that I’m too polite to scream “stop doing that!” to these other fan’s faces, so I am going to call them out here on the pages of Twinkie Town where I’m sure others feel the same way…or don’t.
· When you watch a game put away your cell phone. I spent this afternoon watching the couple next to me text their way through the first two innings and one of them play Scrabble through the fourth. If you are going to spend $28 on tickets, $26 on parking, $14 on two beers, and God knows how much on a baby sitter, at least see what you paid for.
· Stay until the 7th inning. Even if it is a blowout by the 4th there is always a chance the losing team can make some runs on the relief corps which usually makes their appearance in the 7th. If the winning pitcher threw a complete game at least you can say you saw seven innings of great pitching.
· Know your stuff. If you are going to pontificate on the greatness of baseball to your neighbor in a loud voice so the five rows around you can hear, don’t make stuff up. There are other people at the baseball game who know things about baseball and you might sound smart to your uneducated neighbor, but you sound stupid to others who are smart enough not to shout out thoughts pulled from their asses.
· No Tongue. The Kiss Cam is fun, but no tongue. Too much.
· Put down the sign. I want to be circled by Bert just as much as anyone else, but when the ball is in play Bert isn’t circling, so put down the tagboard.
· Stand up and clap sometimes. Don’t wait for TC and the “MAKE SOME NOISE” video. If there is two outs and two strikes this is a great time to stand up and cheer on your pitcher! Cheering and standing and clapping is why people go to a real live game, so don’t be a bump on a log. It’s OK to let go of the stoic Minnesotan and show some emotion and excitement.
· Boo Pierzynski. I understand that he was traded in arguably one of the more lopsided trades in the last decade, so A.J. leaving the Twins is not a good reason to boo. I choose to boo Pierzynski because he is a D-bag. Maybe he is a great guy in his private live, but I only get to see how he plays on the field and he is a D-bag on the field. Boo away if it so moves you.
There are not sabermetrics to back any of my opinions here, but they are Twins related and I thought I might find some other Twins fans that have had similar experiences at Twins games. Thanks for letting me vent and if you have other things I missed, complain away in the comments.