I seldom pay attention to the right-field scoreboard graphics at Target Field. Usually, they give you information like, "Michael Cuddyer's favorite sport is baseball," which doesn't make me feel more excited about the game in any way. However, Saturday night, I happened to glance in that direction when Joe Mauer was at the plate, and I caught that picture you see above: "His biggest fear is disappointing his parents."
Well, we all know how
boring Joe is frightening that is. Here's a list of other things that we bet Joe Mauer is afraid of.
- The neighbor's dog
- That the neighbor's dog doesn't like him enough
- That the guys that pick up his recycling think that he doesn't wash enough peanut butter out of the jar
- Driving to the airport (there's just so much traffic)
- Clowns with sad faces
- Clowns with happy faces
- Jerry White
- Ingrown sideburns
- M*A*S*H, or any other television show from before 1992
- That Jennifer Aniston will never find true love
- Voldemort (he's only up through book five)
- Sauron (he had his eyes closed for the entire second half of the first movie, and he won't give it another try)
- Forgetting to hang up everything in his locker before he leaves
- Tripping going up the dugout stairs
- Tripping going down the dugout stairs
- Having to sit in the bullpen with Matt Capps and Jose Mijares
- Getting traded to the Yankees
- Forgetting to bring his cell phone with him when he leaves the house
- The sun (he gets sunburned)
- The dark (he gets scared)
Face your fears, Joe. We can all get through this together.