Other Things Joe Mauer Is Afraid Of

by Jon Marthaler on Aug 8, 2011 9:00 AM EDT in WTF

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I seldom pay attention to the right-field scoreboard graphics at Target Field. Usually, they give you information like, "Michael Cuddyer's favorite sport is baseball," which doesn't make me feel more excited about the game in any way. However, Saturday night, I happened to glance in that direction when Joe Mauer was at the plate, and I caught that picture you see above: "His biggest fear is disappointing his parents."

Well, we all know how ~~boring Joe is~~ frightening that is. Here's a list of other things that we bet Joe Mauer is afraid of.

The neighbor's dog
That the neighbor's dog doesn't like him enough
That the guys that pick up his recycling think that he doesn't wash enough peanut butter out of the jar
Driving to the airport (there's just so much traffic)
Horses
Clowns with sad faces
Clowns with happy faces
Clowns
Jerry White
Ingrown sideburns
M*A*S*H, or any other television show from before 1992
That Jennifer Aniston will never find true love
Voldemort (he's only up through book five)
Sauron (he had his eyes closed for the entire second half of the first movie, and he won't give it another try)
Forgetting to hang up everything in his locker before he leaves
Tripping going up the dugout stairs
Tripping going down the dugout stairs
Having to sit in the bullpen with Matt Capps and Jose Mijares
Getting traded to the Yankees
Forgetting to bring his cell phone with him when he leaves the house
The sun (he gets sunburned)
The dark (he gets scared)

Face your fears, Joe. We can all get through this together.

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This comment brought to you by Head & Shoulders

Given his endorsement deal, add those little white flakes to his list.

AZGGinCHI

by AZGGinCHI on Aug 8, 2011 9:09 AM EDT reply actions

Another one I should add:

“Having to act non-wooden in television advertisements.”

by Jon Marthaler on Aug 8, 2011 9:40 AM EDT up reply actions

"singing in public"

by DJL44 on Aug 8, 2011 10:21 AM EDT up reply actions

"There is simply more to love here"

That last “here” is at least a half step flat. You’d think they’d ask for another take.

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Aug 8, 2011 10:43 AM EDT up reply actions

I'm sure they asked for several takes

That was the best one. Maybe they could use a pitch shifter next time.

by DJL44 on Aug 8, 2011 11:23 AM EDT up reply actions

He's still a better singer than Jason Kubel.

Then again, ANYONE is a better singer than Kubel.

by leo3375 on Aug 8, 2011 11:07 PM EDT up reply actions

Who could be scared of Jerry White?

Ullger I could understand, but Jerry?

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Aug 8, 2011 9:14 AM EDT reply actions

Yeah, he should be used to being next to Jerry after all of the singles that he hits.

Follow me, mmk?

by John_Locke on Aug 8, 2011 11:54 AM EDT up reply actions

Should have also added "lactose intolerance"

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason." -Jack Handy

by Flip27 on Aug 8, 2011 9:51 AM EDT reply actions 5 recs

Those graphics are a big fail

The Twins could have done so much more with the new scoreboard and tower! Huge opportunity wasted.

'A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings'-Earl Wilson

by spantastic on Aug 8, 2011 9:55 AM EDT reply actions

They still can. They won't, but they still can.

Serious, though, the production this year has been the wost I can remember. The ballpark music has been terrible, and the Twins have not used all those fancy scoreboard thingies as well as they should.

I feel like in the final decade at the dome, the Twins did more with less than any other team in the MLB (production-wise). I used to travel to Milwaukee every year for the Twins series, and it would astound me how bad the Miller Park production was given what they were working with. Sadly, I kind of feel that way about Target Field now. At least we have a real ballpark organ, though.

The best production item at Target Field is the team intro video. It’s a thing of beauty. Easily my favorite of all time.

"If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason." -Jack Handy

by Flip27 on Aug 8, 2011 10:43 AM EDT up reply actions

Yes

Really not that good. Especially the music.

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Aug 8, 2011 11:20 AM EDT up reply actions

Here's a good article on the Twins' old and new musical directors

http://blogs.citypages.com/gimmenoise/2011/05/minnesota_twins.php

And if you have an hour to blow listening to streaming radio while you peruse other matters, here’s a fun piece by the old music director called “A Decade Of Twins Musical Memories”:

http://minnesota.publicradio.org/www_publicradio/tools/media_player/popup.php?name=minnesota/the_current/programs/2011/04/17/the_current_presents/the_current_presents_20110417_128&starttime=00:04:00

(Copy and paste in browser the whole link if interested, for some reason this site won’t let me make it all blue.)

I really enjoyed that one and put some of it into MLB 2011 as stadium music. Nerd alert!

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Aug 8, 2011 12:12 PM EDT up reply actions

At least the Twins have made sure Stephen Colbert doesn't go near Target Field.

TC Bear is featured almost everywhere.

As for the video system themselves, they are learning so give them a break.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew

by Jessy S on Aug 8, 2011 11:39 AM EDT up reply actions