Sponge Worthy: Twins Bring Back Jim Hoey

MINNEAPOLIS, MN - MAY 14: Jim Hoey #37 of the Minnesota Twins pitches against the Toronto Blue Jays during the eleventh inning of their game on May 14, 2011 at Target Field in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Blue Jays defeated the Twins 9-3 in eleven innings. (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)

We managed to get hold of a transcript of the phone call in which Bill Smith called Jim Hoey to discuss his return to the Twins. If it sounds vaguely similar to Elaine's sponge-worthy conversation, well, I don't know what to tell you. Other than this phone call actually happened. Obviously.

BILL SMITH: So, you think you’re September call-up worthy?

JIM HOEY: Yes, I think I’m September call-up worthy. I think I’m very September call-up worthy.

SMITH: (pauses) Run down your case for me again.

HOEY: Well I’ve been up to the Majors several times, Rick and I obviously have a good rapport. I own a fastball with pretty good velocity. I eat well, I exercise. PED tests? Immaculate. And if I can speak frankly, I’m actually quite good at it.

SMITH: (Sceptical) You gonna do something about your command?

HOEY: (Quickly) Yeah, yeah I told you. I’m gonna work on hitting my spots.

SMITH: And the patchy beard?

HOEY: I shaved it this morning.

SMITH: Uh huh. The chin, the sideburns, everything got shaved?

HOEY: Everything.

SMITH: Uh huh.

HOEY: My face is hairless.

SMITH: (Not seeing much choice) Alright, let’s do this.

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