Champagne SuperTolbert

by RandBall's Stu on Sep 16, 2011 10:25 AM EDT in WTF

(Some of you may know that Twinkie Town Editor-in-Chief Jesse is a 'uge Oasis fan. With that in mind, and with very little else to say about this epic bummer of a season, we'd like to present a song parody based on the 2011 Minnesota Twins, using the best Oasis song as its backbone. Apologies in advance to the Gallagher brothers and Al Yankovic.)

How many times do lineups change?
Question Nishioka's range?
Where were you while Plouffe was throwing high?
Gardy walking to the mound
Mauer hitting balls into the ground
Where were you while Plouffe was throwing high?
Blaming things on Danny,
Games caught by not the right guy,
In a Champagne SuperTolbert in the sky
Blackburn knocked out early
Enter Phil Dumatrait
In a Champagne SuperTolbert
A Champagne SuperTolbert in the sky
Wake up Delmon and ask him why
When tracking flies, is he high?
Revere three hops to hit the cutoff guy.
Denard, Morneau, Kubel and Joe
Trainer's room is always full
Where were you while Plouffe was throwing high?
Blaming things on Danny
Francisco walked their #9 guy
In a Champagne SuperTolbert in the sky
Matt Capps just grooved another,
Don't look up Wilson Ramos,
In a Champagne SuperTolbert
A Champagne SuperTolbert
'Cuz we can't believe
That they're sellers 'fore the end of the summer
Pitch-to-contact will never die
Duensing starts again and we don't know why
Why-why-why-why-i-i
(guitar solo)
How many times do lineups change?
Question Nishioka's range?
Where were you while Plouffe was throwing high?
Slowey walking down the hall
Quoting Proust to one and all
Where were you while Plouffe was throwing high?
Blaming things on Danny,
Jimmer's back with the Tribe,
In a Champagne SuperTolbert in the sky
Baker's elbow's creaky
Don't look up J.J. Hardy,
In a Champagne SuperTolbert
A Champagne SuperTolbert
'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna finish behind the Royals
But you and I will always cry
When Nishi's at the plate and we don't know why,
Why-why-why-why-i-i
(a really long guitar solo)
(background - sounds like a bunch of "Joe"'s)
(birds chirping)
(more guitar)
How many times can lineups change?
Question Nishioka's range?
Where were you while Plouffe was throwing high?
Plouffe was throwing high <-- 9 times, background "Jooooe-oooh"

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Comments

Bra-f'ing-vo

Let loose the hogs of war!
Dogs of war..
Whatever farm animal of war, Lana...

by darren004 on Sep 16, 2011 10:40 AM EDT reply actions

Argg

I read the caption first, and then read the words thinking “this doesn’t make any sense.” Then I realize I was using the tune to Live Forever. Fail.

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Sep 16, 2011 10:48 AM EDT reply actions

brilliant

I write everywhere. You're probably better off following me on twitter

by fetch9 on Sep 16, 2011 11:02 AM EDT reply actions

It's nice to see that, like the rest of us and Liam Gallagher, Stu has turned to drink to dull the pain.

by Jon Marthaler on Sep 16, 2011 11:04 AM EDT reply actions

This is amazing

I was singing it in my head the whole time

"I don't really give a f*** and my excuse is that I'm young, and I'm only getting older somebody shoulda told ya" ~Drake (I'm On One)

by twinsgirl197 on Sep 16, 2011 11:16 AM EDT reply actions

Wow.

I always read and enjoy your posts, but rarely comment. But that one was goddam fantastic. Thanks!

by ghost42 on Sep 16, 2011 11:24 AM EDT reply actions

I'll admit

That was pretty damn funny.

by Danny Valencia's Pubes on Sep 16, 2011 12:01 PM EDT reply actions

Love that you slummed it down in ol’ Song Parodytown. Perfectly executed. Thanks Stu.

by Brad B. on Sep 16, 2011 12:51 PM EDT via mobile reply actions

Oh me, oh my...

That was the awesomest!

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. — Yogi Berra

by Twnzfan on Sep 16, 2011 1:13 PM EDT reply actions

Well Done

by Desert Aaron on Sep 16, 2011 1:18 PM EDT reply actions

Tolbert!

… he’s so hot right now

by DavidRF on Sep 16, 2011 1:38 PM EDT reply actions

haha now that you say that

I really wish I would have thought of that earlier…

"I don't really give a f*** and my excuse is that I'm young, and I'm only getting older somebody shoulda told ya" ~Drake (I'm On One)

by twinsgirl197 on Sep 16, 2011 2:11 PM EDT up reply actions

If you are going to use the King's English

It would be proper to say: Jesse is an ’uge Oasis fan.
Sincerely,
The Grammar Police

by Oi Oi Boy on Sep 16, 2011 2:02 PM EDT reply actions

Fair enough

by RandBall's Stu on Sep 16, 2011 2:29 PM EDT up reply actions

Bloody brilliant

You’ve also inspired me to pull out “What’s the Story Morning Glory?” as my soundtrack to work today.

by ColossusOfRhode on Sep 16, 2011 2:11 PM EDT reply actions

Champagne SuperTolbert

Classic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now if only he could win games for us.

Seriously though, I picture him saving a kid from trouble at Mall of America and then stopping a bank robbery. After that, he rides the pine as mild mannered Matt Tolbert.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew

by Jessy S on Sep 16, 2011 4:45 PM EDT reply actions

Heh

“Revere three hops to hit the cutoff guy.”

It’s funny cuz it’s true. Well, all of it, really.

"...and we'll see ya tomorrow night!" - Jack Buck, Game 6, 1991 World Series

by WindyCityTwinsFan on Sep 16, 2011 5:31 PM EDT reply actions

Another triumph for Stu

As one who grew up on Oasis, I could hear the song just perfectly. Just hope you and Jesse don’t start hating each other and threatening to break up the writing crew for a decade and a half now!

And the “pitch to contact/Why, why, why, why” bit = f*cking amazing.

When I was a kid, I would cover a blue futon with a white blanket, prop it up with a fan set on high, and pretend it was the Metrodome. That should tell you a lot.

by MarshalltheIrish on Sep 17, 2011 2:39 AM EDT reply actions