Prior to tonight's game, it was revealed that neither Denard Span nor Danny Valencia would be available due to a fender-bender the two players were involved in on the way to the airport on Thursday. Then, in the 7th inning, Michael Cuddyer was pulled from the game as a precautionary measure due to the dread "right groin tightness." And thus, at 9:00 Central time on September 23rd, your Twins lineup was Ben Revere, Trevor Plouffe, Matt Tolbert, the surprising Chris Parmelee, Luke Hughes, Brian Dinkelman, French Resistance fighter Rene Tosoni, Joe Benson and Drew Butera. I. Can't. Even.
The Twins opened the scoring in the first on a 2-out, 2-run single by the surprising Chris Parmelee. The Tribe answered in the bottom of the first with Jim Thome's double on Jim Thome Night making the score 2-1. With the game knotted at 2-2, the surprising Chris Parmelee came through again, leading off the 3rd with a solo home run, his third of the year.
After a Joe Benson grounder/Cleveland error gave the Twins another 2-run lead, Thome struck again, crushing a Carl Pavano offering to dead center and tallying his 604th career home run.
If you're wondering which inning the Twins loaded the bases with no outs and failed to push a run across in this game, it was the 5th inning.
With Cleveland ahead 5-4 in the 7th, the Australian guy and the Canadian guy each doubled to tie it up again. After some shockingly impressive relief pitching from Phil Dumatrait and Cleveland closer Patterson Hood, Matt Capps offered up some familiarity, needing just one pitch to pinch-hitter Carlos Santana to end the game on Santana's home run. Final: Indians 6, Twins 5.
Studs: the surprising Chris Parmelee (HR, 3 RBI), Dumatrait (!), Thome of course, and Pavano for lasting seven innings.
Duds: Capps, Trevor Plouffe for another infield blunder (not covering second base in the first), all involved in the Twins loading the bases AGAIN with no outs AGAIN and not scoring a single gotdamn run AGAIN.
Enjoy your weekend, everybody. See you in April.