Everybody Hurts

by RandBall's Stu on Sep 23, 2011 10:53 PM EDT in Game Recaps

Prior to tonight's game, it was revealed that neither Denard Span nor Danny Valencia would be available due to a fender-bender the two players were involved in on the way to the airport on Thursday. Then, in the 7th inning, Michael Cuddyer was pulled from the game as a precautionary measure due to the dread "right groin tightness." And thus, at 9:00 Central time on September 23rd, your Twins lineup was Ben Revere, Trevor Plouffe, Matt Tolbert, the surprising Chris Parmelee, Luke Hughes, Brian Dinkelman, French Resistance fighter Rene Tosoni, Joe Benson and Drew Butera. I. Can't. Even.

The Twins opened the scoring in the first on a 2-out, 2-run single by the surprising Chris Parmelee. The Tribe answered in the bottom of the first with Jim Thome's double on Jim Thome Night making the score 2-1. With the game knotted at 2-2, the surprising Chris Parmelee came through again, leading off the 3rd with a solo home run, his third of the year.

After a Joe Benson grounder/Cleveland error gave the Twins another 2-run lead, Thome struck again, crushing a Carl Pavano offering to dead center and tallying his 604th career home run.

If you're wondering which inning the Twins loaded the bases with no outs and failed to push a run across in this game, it was the 5th inning.

With Cleveland ahead 5-4 in the 7th, the Australian guy and the Canadian guy each doubled to tie it up again. After some shockingly impressive relief pitching from Phil Dumatrait and Cleveland closer Patterson Hood, Matt Capps offered up some familiarity, needing just one pitch to pinch-hitter Carlos Santana to end the game on Santana's home run. Final: Indians 6, Twins 5.

Studs: the surprising Chris Parmelee (HR, 3 RBI), Dumatrait (!), Thome of course, and Pavano for lasting seven innings.

Duds: Capps, Trevor Plouffe for another infield blunder (not covering second base in the first), all involved in the Twins loading the bases AGAIN with no outs AGAIN and not scoring a single gotdamn run AGAIN.

Enjoy your weekend, everybody. See you in April.

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Comments

Forgot the most important part

The Twins have clenched last place in the division.

I'm a proud fan of the Minnesota Twins and Dallas Cowboys!
"Life is precious and time is a key element. Let’s make every moment count and help those who have a greater need than our own." – Harmon Killebrew
Champagne SuperTolbert Saves the day!!!

by Jessy S on Sep 23, 2011 11:01 PM EDT reply actions

just a friendly word

it’s clinched……. not clenched,

"live EVERY week like it's shark week" Tracy Jordan(30 Rock)

by carlpavanosmoustache on Sep 23, 2011 11:23 PM EDT up reply actions

Doesn't matter

This season has gone down the drain anyway.

by Jessy S on Sep 23, 2011 11:31 PM EDT up reply actions

Just clench your jaw

And have a stiff upper lip.

by spanspanspan on Sep 23, 2011 11:33 PM EDT up reply actions

He should've clinched up

After eating those McNuggets.

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"I am laughing right now. Am I insane?" Jessy S

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Sep 24, 2011 1:25 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions 2 recs

Capps sucks

so much it hurts.

Reduce turnovers, reduce personal fouls, shoot better, win.

by PoohRubio on Sep 23, 2011 11:01 PM EDT reply actions

Of the players in the lineup for your Minnesota Twins at 9:00 PM CDT on September 23rd.

Two were on the opening day roster.

Two.

Cheering for inconsistent, undisciplined teams [Twins, Wild, Packers, Hawkeyes] since 1989. "False Hope is better than No Hope"

by Yabbs on Sep 24, 2011 12:00 AM EDT reply actions

And one of those was Butera

by DavidRF on Sep 24, 2011 12:03 AM EDT up reply actions

Who shouldn't have been

by DJL44 on Sep 24, 2011 9:55 AM EDT up reply actions

Everybody Duck

Satellite could hit the ground at any time:

Re-entry is expected between 11:45 p.m. Friday, Sept. 23, and 12:45 a.m., Sept. 24, Eastern Daylight Time

by DavidRF on Sep 24, 2011 12:06 AM EDT reply actions

With the way this season is going, the satellite will hit a Twins player.

Maybe it’ll hit Matt Capps.

Cheering for inconsistent, undisciplined teams [Twins, Wild, Packers, Hawkeyes] since 1989. "False Hope is better than No Hope"

by Yabbs on Sep 24, 2011 12:07 AM EDT up reply actions

everyone else does

so why not?

badum dum

"live EVERY week like it's shark week" Tracy Jordan(30 Rock)

by carlpavanosmoustache on Sep 24, 2011 12:12 AM EDT up reply actions 3 recs

COVER YOUR SHINJOS!

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"I am laughing right now. Am I insane?" Jessy S

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Sep 24, 2011 1:28 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions

Feel free to expose your shinjos again

It landed in the north pacific sometime last night.

by spanspanspan on Sep 24, 2011 11:54 AM EDT up reply actions

I am cheering for it to happen at the NDSU-Gopher game

I write everywhere. You're probably better off following me on twitter

by fetch9 on Sep 24, 2011 2:40 AM EDT up reply actions

worst trades in Twins history:::: quick review #1,128,456 time

1. Wilson Ramos for Matt Capps
2. Wilson Ramos for Matt Capps
3. Matt Garza, Jason Bartlett, Eddie Morlan for Brendan Harris, Delmon Young, Jason Pridie
4. Johan Santana for Kevin Mulvey, Phillip Humber (gave up on him too soon) Carlos GOmez, Deolis GGGGURH
5. Jim Thome for 20,000 dollars

YES YES YES

Liriano, Mijares, Angel Morales, & Anthony Swarzak for Josh Johnson and Brad Hand

by SteveHoffmanSlowey on Sep 24, 2011 1:36 AM EDT reply actions 2 recs

some may rank Thome #4

or # 1C

either way

there may be 1 trade in the Non-Bill Smith era that deserves mention and thats proabably it!!!

I think that tells a lot of how BIll Smith is as a GM . Trash

I liked the Rick Reed trade btw, Shannon Stewart great deal also

Liriano, Mijares, Angel Morales, & Anthony Swarzak for Josh Johnson and Brad Hand

by SteveHoffmanSlowey on Sep 24, 2011 1:38 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

ohhh how could i forget JJ Hardy for James Hoey and Brett Jacobsen

I guess its because Jacobsen could still potentially help Rochester Red Wings out.

but thats all

Liriano, Mijares, Angel Morales, & Anthony Swarzak for Josh Johnson and Brad Hand

by SteveHoffmanSlowey on Sep 24, 2011 1:39 AM EDT up reply actions

Fire Bill Smith

by Moonax on Sep 24, 2011 8:49 AM EDT up reply actions

There's more than one other bad trade in Twins history

Getting rid of Tiant might be the worst move ever

by DJL44 on Sep 24, 2011 9:56 AM EDT up reply actions

We gave up Graig Nettles for Tiant, too

Each player got much better a couple of years after we got rid of them.

by DavidRF on Sep 24, 2011 10:14 AM EDT up reply actions

You forgot...

6. Dave Winfield for dinner

by spanspanspan on Sep 24, 2011 11:55 AM EDT up reply actions

Ugh. This season.

I need a drink.
/looksdownatdrink
OK, I need another drink.

by MNWildcat on Sep 24, 2011 1:48 AM EDT reply actions

Recommendation for everyone

Go see Moneyball. spoiler alert: The Twins win the ALDS at the end. It was all could not to cheer because I saw it in a theater full of A’s fans, the team you’re actually supposed to be rooting for. Also, Eddie Guardado is skinny in this version.

Movie Twins games — better than watching actual Twins games.

by ColossusOfRhode on Sep 24, 2011 3:59 AM EDT reply actions