Joel Zumaya Agrees To Throw One Last Amazing Pitch

The Onion react to Zumaya's signing by the Twins.

4 months ago Brady Eyestone 8 comments 2 recs |

Comments

I can't wait for the commemorative bobble head of that pitch.

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Jan 30, 2012 6:32 PM EST reply actions

Surely you mean bobblerightarm.

by Brady Eyestone on Jan 30, 2012 6:42 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

Except it doesn't bobble

It shakes violently for 5 minutes then requires surgery.

by lesmanalim on Jan 30, 2012 10:44 PM EST up reply actions

Yeah

But how would it react in San Francisco?

Seriously though, did the Twins just spend $800,000 for one pitch? If so, hopefully that pitch happens in the home opener.

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by Jessy S on Jan 31, 2012 12:38 PM EST up reply actions

Not exactly one pitch...

If you consider that he will likely have 50-60 appearances if all goes well, and is likely to have 10-15 pitches per appearance, we’re looking at paying him $800,000 for roughly 800 pitches. That’s a nice round number, $1,000/pitch. Imagine if you could get paid $1,000 to do something that takes all of 3 seconds, and get paid for doing it 800 times.

by jjohn24680 on Jan 31, 2012 1:29 PM EST up reply actions

I wish I knew how to photoshop Zumaya’s face onto Henry’s in a video

REPORTER: What do you think is happening to the team?
MICHAEL RAY RICHARDSON: The ship be sinking.
REPORTER: How far can it sink?
MICHAEL RAY RICHARDSON: Sky's the limit.

by uofmike on Feb 1, 2012 2:55 AM EST reply actions