What Is Your Silliest Piece Of Memorabilia?

by twinsbrewer on Jan 7, 2012 11:08 AM EST

The other day, I was asked "why do you have that Vikings soap dispenser in your bathroom? I've always hated that thing. And you don't even watch football."

In response, all ll I could think of is "because it's so awful." It's the same reason I have a John Wayne spoken-word poetry LP, and a lamp shaped like the Eiffel Tower. I can and do look away from traffic accidents, but cheap chintzy products? Intentionally created by the best and brightest marketing minds? That reek of idiocy and failure? There was a period in my life where something about them screamed "you MUST purchase me."

And it's the same reason I have a collection of Minnesota Twins-licensed fishing lures.

When I found the John Wayne LP, and brought it to the counter at the record store (remember those?), the employees begged to listen to it before I left. They put it on the store speakers, and the entire place froze. It was a big split-level store, easily the size of a Walgreens, full of maybe 50 customers, and everyone stopped like a scene in "The Matrix." As if knowing this was a seminal moment in their lives that would never come again. After a minute or so, you began to hear whispers from various sources, all slowly intoning the same "Oh . . . My . . . God." If there's a fire, I'm grabbing the laptop and some souvenirs from dead loved ones. Then I'm going back into the burning building for the John Wayne LP.

The Vikings soap dispenser? Well, it just called out to me from a Cub clearance bin in 2000. It suggested not something a Vikings fan would own, but a Vikings stalker. Or what you'd give your disabled nephew for his birthday if you were too cheap to buy anything good and too uncaring to know what his other interests were. ("Oh, we forgot Harold. Doesn't he like the Vikings? I'll find something at the dollar store.") It's hideous and all who look upon it shrink in revulsion. But, hey, it dispenses soap.

I think the first Twins lure promotion was the Eric Milton Fishing Weasel. made by Northland Fishing Tackle of Bemidji. It "drives bass, pike, and DH's wild!" and "attracts strikes!" I actually took the day off from work to get this thing. It combined pure promotional desperation (the team was still struggling then) with utter Minnesota kitsch, and as a recent transplant who liked the Twins and found Minnesota's outdoor obsession (in a state with, let's face it, not a lot to look at outdoors) bizarrely charming, I knew I had to have it. I still do, and the package is wonderful, complete with a Milton bio on the back, highlighting his 1999 no-hitter. (Quick, name the other Twins no-hit pitchers. Ready? I am -- my lure leads me to wisdom. Jack Kralick in 1962, Dean Chance in 1967, and Scott Erickson in 1994, before Liriano's last year. There's a collection of names for you.)

It must have been a successful promotion, because other fishing lures followed, and for a while I religiously collected each of them. Mientkiewicz, Guardado, Radke. But susbsequent versions were all the same model -- manufactured in Finland -- with different signatures, and I finally stopped myself. You reach a point of diminishing returns. Laying off the first time was hard, but it got easier after that. Now I wonder why I still have the durn things -- except the first, original, and best, which continues to make me smile.

I don't feel the urge to buy consumer disasters as much, these days. The last I found was a "Made In Oregon" combination bottle-opener/nail clipper which broke the first time I tried to clip my ever-bitten nails. (Bottle opener still works, tho'.) And the last Twins promotional gimcrack I own is one from the Dome, issued in response to an interleague matchup against Atlanta where the Braves insisted that, way back when, the team had manipulated Metrodome roof-support blowers to help the Twins in 1991. Some genius picked up on this and issued "Every Fan Counts" handheld fans at the gate, to be used against Atlanta when the Twins were batting. Now that's not junk -- it's actually hilarious -- but I do still have it. And the fan still hums when you hit the switch.

(Although, for Xmas this year, my soap-dispenser-hating friend gave me a pair of gold lame pants. I've wanted a set since seeing the "Heart-Shaped Box" video, and now, almost 20 years later, I have them. "Merry Xmas," my friend said. "And if you ever wear these in public, I'll never speak to you again.")

So, folks. What other cherished oddball Twins (or sports, or any other loveable junk) memorabilia is out there?

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What a great post!

My own silly item goes back to 2006. I had bought tickets for our whole family (8 of us) to attend the final game of the season. This was the year of the piranhas, so I made 8 piranha signs so we could each have one to wave during the game. Little did I know the day would be so awesome (they won the game, Joe won his first batting title, and since the Tigers-Royals game was in progress when our game ended, 35,000 or so of us fans watched the rest of it live on the jumbo screens, chanting “Let’s go Royals!” at the top of our lungs. After the Tigers lost, ensuring us of the Division title, we exited the Dome to a mass of celebrating fans. My son, who must have been 30 at the time said he felt like hugging everybody he met! I saved my piranha with Jason Bartlett’s number 18 on it. We were fortunate enough to get to go to Florida the following spring, and he was signing autographs, so I handed him my sign. “Oh, one of those piranhas,” he said, and autographed it. I later won an autographed Bartlett baseball, but I gave that away. It didn’t hold the pack of great memories in green posterboard that were in my homemade sign. It hangs on the wall in my studio.

The other teams could make trouble for us if they win. — Yogi Berra

by Twnzfan on Jan 7, 2012 12:22 PM EST reply actions

The obvious answer is my 1991 bobblehead dolls

Everyone who comes over comments on them… especially now that they’re (still) wearing Santa hats.

But, as I am the “disabled nephew” in my mom’s family (well, actually, I’m “that niece that moved out of state, but doesn’t she still really like the Twins?”), this year I racked up the Twins stuff. Most of it is actually tasteful — three shirts, a hat, a book on Target Field. But the winner… oh, so very much the winner… is the Minnesota Twins toaster. It brands the TC logo onto your bread. I haven’t taken it out of the box yet, but maybe I’ll share the awesomeness of Twins toast with y’all when I do.

by ColossusOfRhode on Jan 7, 2012 12:23 PM EST reply actions

OK

Can you please make a piece of toast and post a picture so we can post one everytime:
a.) A Twins pitcher strikes somebody out, i.e. “He’s Toast!”
b.) The Twins are mathematically eliminated: “They’re toast”

Remember, remember the seventh of November.

by Go Twins! on Jan 8, 2012 12:37 AM EST up reply actions

a.) Hahaha!

b.) No.

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Jan 8, 2012 1:17 AM EST up reply actions

Play with this one instead

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Jan 8, 2012 1:21 AM EST up reply actions

That's more or less my toaster, but with the Twins logo

I don’t have any bread right now (I normally make sandwiches with pita), but I just made some toaster waffles. The good news is, it’s a functional toaster. The bad news is, branding a logo onto a waffle doesn’t work because of the ridges.

by ColossusOfRhode on Jan 8, 2012 1:24 AM EST up reply actions

Here we go:

Remember, remember the seventh of November.

by Go Twins! on Jan 8, 2012 2:42 PM EST up reply actions

Godammit.

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Jan 8, 2012 4:43 PM EST up reply actions

I asked for that for Christmas

No one got it for me though. :(

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Jan 9, 2012 12:22 PM EST up reply actions

A Minnesota Twins Snuggie

I had been joking about it throughout 2010, and my husband got it for me for Christmas that year. We had a really good laugh about it, but I do use it. It’s nice for reading in bed.

by leo3375 on Jan 7, 2012 1:11 PM EST reply actions

I have a Twins Snuggie too

Great for games.

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Jan 9, 2012 12:23 PM EST up reply actions

Hmmm.. I have a lot of Twins stuff but nothing particularly odd.

My birthday cakes have been with Twins logos for the past like 2 or 3 years though, but that’s not really memorabilia. I’m running a little inventory in my head right now… 15 shirts (none of which are weird), 2 bracelets (pretty normal), Joe Mauer/Twins silly bands (not that strange either), Twins earrings (I suppose those are a little unusal), 3 Twins hats (2 different stocking hats, one non-traditional baseball cap) Twins flip flops (ok, I suppose that those are a little strange), Twins throw blanket (because my best friend couldn’t think of anything Twins I didn’t have for Christmas this year), and a Twins Pillow pet (which is freaking adorable but kind of weird for a person my age I guess). I think my flip flops win though

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Jan 7, 2012 2:24 PM EST reply actions

I found a pair of Twins flip-flops last summer

Discarded on the street near where I work. I didn’t bring them home, though, as my work had just beaten a bedbug infestation and any discarded item made me nervous (why did people throw such a treasure away?) So I hid them in a place outside work, and figured that, in a year, after a typical Minnesota winter of regular -15 temperatures, any potential vermin would be dead and I could take some lovely, comfy, kitschy flip-flops home. STUPID MILD WINTER

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Jan 8, 2012 2:43 AM EST up reply actions

their only like $10 at Target,

I’d go for those instead of the abondoned ones personally. Also I realized I forgot a few things, I have a Twins head band and a Twins phiten as well. Not counting all the pictures I have hanging on my wall/door/locker. I can kind of see why my friends have run out of gift ideas…

"The problem with baseball is that it is not played year round" -Gaylord Perry

by twinsgirl197 on Jan 8, 2012 1:40 PM EST up reply actions

Your shower shoes have fungus on them

You’ll never make it to the bigs with fungus on your shower shoes. Think classy, you’ll be classy

by DJL44 on Jan 9, 2012 1:35 PM EST up reply actions 3 recs

Nothing really silly

But I do have a random Greg Swindell signed baseball/card. This must have been in 1998 or 99 and I won a prize for savings or something at our bank and I wasn’t really familiar with the Twins. The other choices for signed baseball/cards were Terry Steinbach and Tom Kelly. Needless to say, if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have chosen Swindell.

"I learned something yesterday. No use in having rules if there's no punishment for breaking them. You'll be fine if you bite down on the trigger. Enjoy your breakfast."

by John_Locke on Jan 7, 2012 3:37 PM EST reply actions

This

Remember, remember the seventh of November.

by Go Twins! on Jan 8, 2012 3:04 PM EST reply actions

Nice knockers!

(Sorry, I had to go there.)

by leo3375 on Jan 8, 2012 5:37 PM EST up reply actions

On Xmas eve

It should turn into the face of Cal Griffith and intone, “Pooooohhhhhlaaaaaad.”

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Jan 10, 2012 12:15 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

a piece of

unopened Bazooka Joe bubble gum from Doug Mientkiewicz

REPORTER: What do you think is happening to the team?
MICHAEL RAY RICHARDSON: The ship be sinking.
REPORTER: How far can it sink?
MICHAEL RAY RICHARDSON: Sky's the limit.

by uofmike on Jan 9, 2012 1:54 AM EST reply actions

Not Twins related

but I still have a balloon with the logo for the Minnesota Fillies of the WBL. It has the phrase “Get A-fillie-ated” on it

by That'sWhatSheSaid on Jan 9, 2012 12:08 PM EST reply actions

I have a lot of stuff, not sure what is or is not goofy.

- Dinkelman jersey (received as a Christmas gift)
- Twins Snuggie
- A Thumb USB Flash Drive (yes, it has the Twins official logo on it)
- Minnesota Twins bed sheets
- 2006 Shirt reading “SOX SUCK!” and “GO TWINS!” on the back.
- Twins bottle opener that plays a radio clip whenever used (“YES! YES! Touch ’em all Torii Hunter!”)
- Glen Perkins poster raising awareness about the dangers of inhalants

But I think the silliest thing is actually just all my random Twins stuff together as a whole. I have framed photos and posters in every room, dishtowels, fridge magnets, couch pillow, bedsheets, bobble heads, cups, etc.

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Jan 9, 2012 12:33 PM EST reply actions

I have that same bottle opener. Its pretty awesome.

by Caulfield on Jan 9, 2012 5:31 PM EST up reply actions

I almost bought that flash drive

And not that I needed it. It just Looked. So. Awesome.

I hop you wear the Dink jersey to every game you attend for the rest of your life. That’s just cool.

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Jan 10, 2012 12:21 PM EST up reply actions

I was pretty flabbergasted when I opened that on Christmas

My Mom’s explination: “I went to buy you a jersey and you had to pick from a list of players. Dinkelman just popped out at me.”

She knows I really want a #25 Casilla jersey, but she said she couldn’t change the numbers.

Sadly, I will not be wearing the Dinkelman jersey to every game, because 1) I go to a lot of games, and 2) I have a lot of jerseys.

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Jan 10, 2012 3:54 PM EST up reply actions

I have a similar bottle opener.

But it’s a University of Iowa model. I drive my Iowa State alum wife crazy with it.

by fastfred on Jan 12, 2012 6:11 PM EST up reply actions

A lawn gnome

My brother got me a Twins lawn gnome for Christmas. My wife will not let me put it in our yard, so he sits on my desk in the office.

My other Twins memorabilia is pretty conventional – a few bobbleheads, an ‘87 Wheaties box, Homer Hankies, etc. The oddest of those is a statuette of Corey Koskie that I found at a garage sale a few years ago – he’s swinging a crude wooden club and standing on what appears to be a mountain. I assume that was during the “Koskie is a great Canadian lumberjack” phase of Twins marketing, although I have no recollection of when it was given away or sold by the Twins.

"There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

by BeefMaster on Jan 9, 2012 12:38 PM EST reply actions

A remote controlled toy golf cart

But the golf cart has a Twins cap for a roof and two baseball bats as supports for the roof.

"Baseball, it is said, is only a game. True. And the Grand Canyon is only a hole in Arizona." ~George F. Will

by SooFoo Fan on Jan 9, 2012 9:21 PM EST reply actions

Do the McDonald's Torii Hunter and Corey Koskie mini bobblers count?

They’re both mixed in with my bobblehead collection

Also: The Hunter and Radke “superheros” statues. Awful.

by Flip27 on Jan 10, 2012 9:54 PM EST reply actions

1987 and 1991 Twins Wheaties boxes...

also, Kirby Puckett’s Batting Champ giveaway bat.

by DJSkillz on Jan 10, 2012 11:54 PM EST reply actions

Pretty lame for silly memorabilia

I have my complete collection of Brian Harper cards.

by DJL44 on Jan 11, 2012 11:28 AM EST up reply actions

haha, true...

couldn’t think of anything silly. but i’m sure i have something that is.

by DJSkillz on Jan 11, 2012 12:21 PM EST up reply actions

There's also my autographed baseball

Autographed by Curt Wardle and Don Pall

by DJL44 on Jan 11, 2012 1:30 PM EST up reply actions

Hmmm

Auto’d Brian Duensing bobblehead.
Auto’d game-worn Kubel jersey.
Numerous shirseys (Crede, Castillo, Lamb)

Thanks for reading.

by brandonwarne52 on Jan 11, 2012 11:30 AM EST reply actions

You have a Lamb shirt?

Was it really expensive?

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Jan 12, 2012 1:43 PM EST up reply actions

It's pure virgin wool!

"Don't take life for granted, because tomorrow isn't promised to any one of us." -Kirby Puckett
"Tell Gardy there's nobody around to protect him now." Ozzie Guillen

by less cowbell, more 'neau on Jan 12, 2012 10:43 PM EST up reply actions

Long story

He bought it at a decent price, but it ended up falling completely apart midway through the first summer he had it, and he had to throw it away and just consider it a sunk cost, even though he’d spent enough money on it that he was relying on it for two years.

"There are only two things that are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Albert Einstein

by BeefMaster on Jan 13, 2012 9:48 AM EST up reply actions 1 recs

My Mom has six baseballs signed by Jose Lima.

She keeps them all together too.

"It happened in the moment, and it happened." - Carlos Gomez

by myjah on Jan 11, 2012 1:52 PM EST reply actions

TT Bobblehead

My son loves that bear.

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Jan 11, 2012 5:11 PM EST reply actions

Mean TC

"You're thinking too much. Just have fun." -- Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez in Sandlot

by cmathewson on Jan 12, 2012 2:45 PM EST up reply actions

Not Twins swag...

but when I was a kid I was a HUGE Richard Petty fan. I’m really not sure why. For a few years, every item I received for a birthday or Christmas was something Richard Petty. A couple of months ago I was cleaning out the basement, and my wife wondered allowed, “why the hell would he have two bottles of Pepsi in a box in the basement?” They’re my Richard Petty commemorative bottles of Pepsi, and I will cherish them always. Of course, I then had to explain the nearly mythical existence or Richard Petty to my upper-middle class wife.

by fastfred on Jan 12, 2012 6:10 PM EST reply actions

Years ago, I think for "Sporting News" magazine

Some writer did the “Super Size Me” thing where he tried to live a month on only Nascar-sponosring products. He did pretty well — he lived in the South, and could buy driver-themed toilet paper, milk, you name it.

Incidentally I have a can of something called “PimpJuice.” I bought it to hide in the ice chest for a 70-year-old’s birthday party, so that at one point when he dug for a can of beer he’d come up with PimpJuice. He response was suitably “WTF!” I kept the can; it might serve the same purpose again, someday.

Steve Goodman lives.

by twinsbrewer on Jan 12, 2012 11:41 PM EST up reply actions

I have a silly-looking

3D baseball card of Dean Chance from circa 1969. I think it was some sort of Topps series (it’s currently in my parents’ basement, so I don’t have it handy to verify it). Dean himself is rather 2D, but the background sort of moves if you wave the card around, so I guess that counts as 3D. It’s probably a collector’s item, but it’s still silly-looking, I think. (Which is not to say I’m not glad to have it, along with the rest of my uncle’s now-valuable baseball card collection, which he gave to me when he was trying to clear space in his closet. Windfall! Someday I’ll cash the whole thing in and use the proceeds to (1) retire; (2) install an in-ground swimming pool in my fifth-floor apartment; or (3) corner the market on Laffy Taffy.)

My screen name is now irrelevant, but I can't figure out how to change it.

by Cooperstown Needs Bert on Jan 12, 2012 7:40 PM EST reply actions