Transcript: Gardy Calls Torii

Stephen Dunn

It does not go well.

Phone Rings

Torii Hunter: My man Gardy! I haven't heard from you in a long time. What's up!

Ron Gardenhire: Hey, Torii. How are ya?

Torii: You know me. Lovin' life!

Gardy: Yep. Good to hear.

Torii: Hey, you get LeCroy's invitation to his ice fishing party for January?

Gardy: Yep. I tell ya. Matty's got a ice fishin' hut that puts my summer cabin to shame.

Torii: Seriously?

Gardy: Moose heads on the walls. Billiards table. The thing is actually on treads, he just drives it onto the ice. Don't need no truck.

Torii: Damn.

Gardy: ...

Torii: ...

Gardy: So. The Tigers, huh?

Torii: Gardy, don't.

Gardy: Hey, I ain't mad. Congratulations. You deserve it.

Torii: Thanks.

Gardy: I just thought you might wanna...

Torii: Stop!

Gardy: ...finish your career where you started.

Torii: Gardy, I'm 37. I want to win a World Series.

Gardy: Hammertime.

Torii: ...what?

Gardy: You said "Stop", so I said...

Torii: Yeah, I get it. Listen, coming back to Minnesota...

Gardy: Collaborate and listen.

Torii: Seriously? Gardy! You need to quit! Those songs haven't been not embarrassing since before I was drafted. That was a long time ago. Know what I mean?

Gardy: No.

Torii: It means I've been in this game a long time. I love it. I thank God everyday that I can still play this game at a level where people still want me to play for them. I've been an All-Star. I've been a Gold Glove winner. And I realize that my days are numbered. I want to do everything I can to win a championship.

Gardy: Hey, y'know, I get it. But we're turning things around here...

Torii: Really? With four empty rotation spots, 76 guys recovering from Tommy John surgery, and four legitimate hitters with your really good prospects two or three years away? Don't play that game, Gardy. I can't wait that long, I don't have that kinda time.

Gardy: But we talked about getting the band back together...

Torii: That was a drunk text conversation from seven months ago!

Gardy: Dougie said...

Torii: Dougie? Dougie hasn't played baseball in three years, coach. Four by next spring. Rivas, Koskie, those guys have been out for years. Guzie ain't comin' back, Radke will be lucky to play catch with his grand kids, LeCroy spends all summer in his tank of an ice fishing shack. Jacque spends his time helping out in soup kitchens, rescuing puppies, directing traffic through intersections, and talking to fans on Twitter.

Gardy: But the band...

Torii: There's no band!

Gardy: ...

Torii: Gardy, you know I'll always be grateful for what the organization has done for me. And you know I'll always love you, but...

Gardy: ...but you're not IN love with me anymore. *sniff*

Torii: C'mon, Gardy. There's no crying in baseball.

Gardy: *sniff* Tom Hanks. *sniff*

Torii: That's right, buddy. Tom Hanks.

Gardy: ...

Torii: Listen, I gotta run. Lots of packing to do, gotta change the addresses on all of my magazines...

Gardy: ...okay.

Torii: We're still cool right?

Gardy: *sniff* We're still cool.

Torii: Ha. Still sounds messed up when you say stuff like that. Keep smilin' Gardy!

Gardy: I WILL ALWAYS LO...

*click*

Gardy: (Whispering) I will always love you, Torii Hunter.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Twinkie Town

You must be a member of Twinkie Town to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Twinkie Town. You should read them.

Join Twinkie Town

You must be a member of Twinkie Town to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Twinkie Town. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker