We have reached the point in baseball's off-season where finding things to write about is a nightmare when there are no roster moves. Put another way: we've reached the point in baseball's off-season where "DJ names for everyone on the 40-man" seems like a brilliant goddamn idea. Enjoy or despise as per your belief system:

• Joe Mauer: Mistah Good X-ample
• Justin Morneau: MC Mapul Surrrrrp
• Alex Burnett: DJ Harvee Korman
• Jared Burton: Neckbeard 'n Sadness
• Glen Perkins: Throwz Left, Beatz Rite
• Chris Parmelee: GENE
• Vance Worley: DJ Traded 4 Revere
• Drew Butera: Da Pitcha Handla
• Jamey Carroll: Jamey Carroll
• Ryan Doumit: MC Doumit 2 Hell
• Trevor Plouffe: Plouffe or Gone-sequences
• Darin Mastroianni: Inspectah Place Holda
• Tyler Robertson: Lenny
• Anthony Swarzak: Da Slip'ree Ape
• Liam Hendriks: 5th Wiggle
• Mike Pelfrey: DJ Express Ya Pelf
• Scott Diamond: Get That Paper (in the Recycling Bin 4 Mother Earth)
• Josh Willingham: Yess Pigg
• Kyle Gibson: MC Inningz Limit
• Chris Herrmann: No Relation ta Edward
• Casey Fien: Obligatoree Ex-Tiga
• Brian Duensing: Bitchin' 2 Contact
• Cole De Vries: Eden Prairie ¢-er
• Kevin Correia: Rotation Filla Outta
• B.J. Hermsen: DJ Herm, Son
• Pedro Hernandez: I'm on the 40-Man Roster?
• Brian Dozier: MC Gardee's Dawghouse
• Pedro Florimon: Royal Tenenbaums Criterion Collection Edition on Blu-Ray
• Aaron Hicks: Bound ta Dizzapoint Ya Rubes
• Eduardo Escobar: The 3rd Escobar
• Joe Benson: OG Gardee's Dawghouse
• Oswaldo Arcia: Craig
• Daniel Santana: Doesn't Actually Like Santana
• Josmil Pinto: Ask Ya Doctah If Josmil Is Right 4 U
• Tim Wood: Tim Wouldn't
• Michael Tonkin: Honky Tonkin' Badonkatonkin w/Michael Tonkin featuring Gary
• Caleb Thielbar: Prone 2 Allergeez
• Ryan Pressly: DJ Merle Osmond
• Josh Roenicke: Enya Mixxtape