JUGS Machine Added to 40-Man Roster; Will Start Sunday Vs. Blue Jays

Because there isn't a picture of a JUGS machine on SB Nation. Plenty of pictures of the furshlugginer Claret Jug, but that wouldn't have made any goddamn sense at all.

The Minnesota Twins, desperate for starting pitching due to injury and ineffectiveness, announced Thursday that they have added a JUGS Curveball Pitching Machine to their 40-man roster, and that it will make its Twins debut as the starter at Target Field on Sunday.

"We like to say 'next man up' around here," said Twins GM Terry Ryan. "Unfortunately, for one reason or another, the men weren't stepping up, so I guess it's 'next machine up,' if you will."

The machine can change speeds from 20 to 104 mph and, according to Twins broadcaster and legendary curveball pitcher Bert Blyleven, has an impressive curve of its own. "You notice that it just drops off the table as it moves through the strike zone," said the Hall of Famer. "JUGS doesn't get too far out in front of itself and maintains that downward plane, which is so important for a young machine."

The move, which some are calling unprecedented and, per Twins Daily's John Bonnes, a "harbinger of a bleak, dystopian, robot-led future that will see us all dead or enslaved," is being allowed by Major League Baseball after it was pointed out to Commissioner Bud Selig that the Pittsburgh Pirates have used a pitching machine as their fourth starter since 1998.

The machine retails for $2,199, but Ryan said that, with attendance down at Target Field, they purchased one off of the internet auction site eBay. "Honestly, we would have made this move last week, but we got sniped at the last minute on a really nice one by a 'HanShotFirst777.' We turned our attention to this one pretty quickly and were fortunate to get it at a reasonable price."

Twins manager Ron Gardenhire said he likes what he's seen from JUGS both on and off the field. "It just goes out there and handles its business, throws it over the plate, lets our guys make plays and gets them back in the dugout," said Gardenhire. "Juggy's been great in the clubhouse, too. We just load it up with Silver Bullets after the game and it'll fire 'em out nice and easy to the boys."

Ryan said no more moves are imminent, but if JUGS works out and another starter struggles or gets dinged up? "Well, I know Lew (Ford, former Twins outfielder) is still in touch with some of the guys here, and he swears he has a modified Roomba that can hit the upper '90s and miss bats. We have to keep our options open."

Matt Maloney was designated for assignment to make room for JUGS. Sources say he is re-evaluating his life choices.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Twinkie Town

You must be a member of Twinkie Town to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Twinkie Town. You should read them.

Join Twinkie Town

You must be a member of Twinkie Town to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Twinkie Town. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9351_tracker