After 34 games, the 1962 Mets - the gold standard for ineptitude - were 12-22. I just feel like you need to know that.

Last Week

• Danny Valencia got sent down. Darin Mastroianni got brought up. Francisco Liriano got demoted to the bullpen. P.J. Walters got promoted to the big leagues. Matt Maloney got designated for assignment. It was a big day for roster moves, really. Jesse covered the whole fallout here as well.
• Scott Diamond made his first two starts of the year and didn't give up a run in either, making him the best thing about 2012 so far for the Twins.
• The Twins added a JUGS pitching machine to the 40-man rost- wait, that can't be right.
  

This Week's Schedule

I'd like to have a pet name for this week's schedule, like "Rivalry Week" or something like that. Unfortunately, while all three opponents this week do happen to be in states with Big Ten schools, the Twins are 10-24 an so it's hard to call anything a "rivalry." Let's just call it "Overall, A Little Short On The Airline Miles Week."

First, it's two at home with Cleveland. The Indians are leading the AL Central, more or less by default since nobody else wants to play that well. The Tribe dropped three in a row to the Red Sox over the weekend, and have scored two runs in two games. Keep an eye on: Jack Hannahan. The former Gopher and St. Paul native is off to the best start of career at third base, batting .287 in his first 30 games.

Following Tuesday afternoon's game, it's off to Detroit for a quick 48-hour Motor City visit. The presumptive AL Central favorites are treading water at the .500 mark and have split virtually every series they've played this year. Keep an eye on: Justin Verlander and Drew Smyly. Specifically, watch them sit in the dugout; neither of the Tigers' top two starters so far are scheduled to pitch in the series.

For the weekend it's interleague time already, as the Twins are in Milwaukee. The Brewers are 15-19 on the year, in the crowded middle of the NL Central. Keep an eye on: the scoreboard. The Brewers have allowed 170 runs, fourth-worst in baseball; the Twins have allowed 182, second-worst.

The schedule:

• Monday: Cleveland, 7:10pm. TV: FSN. Probables: Carl Pavano vs. Jeanmar Gomez.
  
• Tuesday: Cleveland, 12:10pm. TV: NO TV AAAAH A RESPITE FROM THIS HELLISH SEASON. Probables: Jason Marquis vs. The Eighty-Nine-Year-Old Phenom Derek Lowe
  
• Wednesday: at Detroit, 6:05pm. TV: FSN. Probables: Nick Blackburn vs. Rick Porcello
  
• Thursday: at Detroit, 12:05pm. TV: FSN. Probables: P.J. Walters vs. Doug Fister
  
• Friday: at Milwaukee, 7:10pm. TV: FSN. Probables: Scott Diamond vs. Marco Estrada
  
• Saturday: at Milwaukee, 3:10pm. TV: FSN. Probables: Pavano vs. Yovani Gallardo
  
• Sunday: at Milwaukee, 1:10pm. TV: FSN. Probables: Marquis vs. Zack "Zach" Grienke