Left, we see a man who tried every fix he could think of; right, we see a man to whom nothing will stick.
South Side Sox reports on Chicago White Sox GM Kenny Williams, talking with reporters following the Sox's trade for Francisco Liriano:
KW: White Sox saw some things in his last start that they can fix and bring some better results immediately.— larry southsidesox (@SouthSidelarry) July 29, 2012
Let's fast-forward to Tuesday night, when Liriano is scheduled to start at Target Field...
WHITE SOX MANAGER ROBIN VENTURA: He looks solid in warmups, don't he, Don?
WHITE SOX PITCHING COACH DON COOPER: Yep. Threw great in the pen. I think we got this guy straightened out.
VENTURA: Look at that! He struck out the side!
COOPER: I don't know what's wrong with the guys in that dugout - this was easy! He's fixed! He's cured!
(/Brian Dozier swings at a slider that breaks about two feet)
VENTURA (sobbing): It's just so perfect! How could they let him go?
COOPER (physically jumping up and down like a kid on Christmas morning) WE DID IT! I'M A GENIUS!
VENTURA: Look at the Twins dugout! (He points his finger.) Hey, why are they laughing at us?
COOPER: I dunno. They're actually laughing at our dugout.
VENTURA: Hey, why are those fans behind home plate breaking out the riot gear?
(/Liriano walks the leadoff hitter)
COOPER: Shake it off, Frankie!
VENTURA: Ah, he'll be fine, let him pitch.
Sixth Inning, Four Batters Later
COOPER: Oh God.
VENTURA: What the hell happened?
COOPER: Why is he suddenly falling down every time he throws? (yelling at the mound) STAND UP OUT THERE! PITCH LIKE YOU DID LAST INNING!
VENTURA: Everything was fine! He just - he just walked a guy and then...
COOPER: Why did he start pitching off the side of the rubber? Who told him to do that?
VENTURA: Didn't you tell him not to do that?
COOPER: Yes! I just went out there and told him! He speaks English, right? I mean, he just stared through me like I was a ghost! Then I heard him mumble something about evil spirits hiding the strike zone from him.
VENTURA: Oh g - what the hell's he doing now? Is he SITTING on the mound right now? The runner just stole second at a stroll!
COOPER: I think he's crying, skip.
VENTURA: Jeez, call the bullpen. Tell them whoever's the warmest is pitching right now.
COOPER: (tries the phone) No dial tone. I think somebody's cut this phone line.
VENTURA: Is - is that Rick Anderson rolling around on the field, laughing his head off?
COOPER: I think we've been set up, skipper.
VENTURA: (waving arms in the direction of the bullpen) WE NEED A RELIEVER! ANYBODY! SOMEBODY HELP!
COOPER: It's too late. Liriano just threw one into the upper deck.
VENTURA: On purpose?
COOPER: WELL WHO THE HELL KNOWS, THIS GUY'S NUTS!
VENTURA: We've been had. We've been had! Somebody call upstairs and tell Kenny we've been had! (buries head in hands)
COOPER: You want I should get Frankie first?
COOPER: Can I bring a couple of guys? He's running around the infield like he's trying to punch invisible attackers.
VENTURA: Oh God.