Twins: "Grateful and Surprised" to Learn of 15-Day Disabled List

Minnesota Twins officials were reportedly stunned to learn of Major League Baseball's 15-day disabled list yesterday. "We are totally going to use this," said a team source. "Seriously, this thing is awesome."

The list, which teams can use to take injured players off the active roster and replace them with a healthy player, typically from the minors, keeps squads from playing short-handed. The Twins, who have held outfielder Denard Span out for the last 10 days with a sore shoulder, are said to be thrilled to try it.

"I guess this thing has been around forever," said a front office source. "We've even used it before, but we must have just forgotten about it. Our intern Karen saw someone on Baseball Tonight talking about a 'disabled list' and brought it to our attention yesterday. We called the league office, and it completely checks out. How cool is that?"

Twins prospect Chris Parmelee, who has been on a tear at Triple-A Rochester, was asked for his reaction to this. His emailed response was, "(expletive) me."

The team's new found interest in the disabled list comes at a time when the team's medical staff has come under fire in some circles for missing a bruise on Carl Pavano's humerus bone that has ended his season. A highly-placed team official dismissed concerns that these same people would be tasked with determining who was injured enough to go on the disabled list.

"Listen, we have all the confidence in the world in our trainers and team physicians. People are acting like we're dumping leeches on our guys to expel bad humours. This hasn't happened since 2010. It's old news."

When asked about the reports that injured players have been submerged in the cold tub to "see what foul witchery was responsible," the official began to weep softly and asked to be left alone.

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