In a stunning, if not unexpected, development, every single player the Minnesota Twins drafted in Major League Baseball's 2012 Amateur Draft is in need of Tommy John surgery.
"It's not good news, obviously," said Twins GM Terry Ryan. "We were hoping that it was just some general soreness they could all work through, but the soreness lingered for the guys, and the diagnoses all came back saying the same thing. We were taken aback a little bit, of course."
The procedure, which is almost exclusively performed on pitchers, will also be done on all the position players the Twins drafted, because "you get a discount after the first 20, and we intend to use it" said a team source.
All 27 players will be treated by renowned surgeon Dr. James Andrews in a unique, all-at-the-same-time manner.
"We're renting out a high school gym in Birmingham," said Ryan. "Just sterilizing the whole thing, putting some beds in there, laying everyone down and having the doctor go to work, one after the other. We're hoping it'll build a little camaraderie between the young guys."
When told that none of the 16 unsigned players the team drafted needed surgery and were in perfect health, Ryan slowly got up from his desk, looked out his office window for at least five minutes, straightened his tie, went back to his chair, sighed, and stared into the middle distance without responding to further questions.