Looking to stem heated arguments on multiple fronts, the Baseball Writers' Association of America (BBWAA) and the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences (AMPAS) have agreed to nominate Jack Morris for Best Supporting Actor. In return, Commissioner Bud Selig promises to come up with "a real good reason" to induct Ben Affleck into the Baseball Hall of Fame this summer.
This comes after two days of non-stop, corrosive debate over the alleged snubs of Morris, Affleck, and numerous others, from Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens to Zero Dark Thirty director Kathryn Bigelow. Spokespersons for both organizations say that, while not an ideal solution, it was better than the alternative, which was continued outrage over Morris and Affleck failing to reach their respective fields' highest honor.
"Let's face it," said a BBWAA member with knowledge of the agreement, "Jack's not going to get in with a 3.90 ERA. And everyone liked (the Affleck-directed) Argo, it was a great story, but come on. You really expect to get a nomination for filming your cool '70s beard all nice? Give me a (darn) break."
As part of the agreement, Morris will be nominated for the Steven Spielberg film Lincoln, and digitally inserted into the "screeners" that are sent to Academy voters. "We initially were going to shoehorn him into Silver Linings Playbook, which does have a sports element to it," said an AMPAS source. "But we looked at that mustache and were like, damn, he already looks like a Civil War general. Just get one of those Pixar jerk offs to put an old-timey military uniform on him instead of a Tommy Bahama shirt, and he'll fit right in. We just have to get him to talk about 'tearing the Union asunder' this, "Emancipation Proclamation' that, yada yada ,and boom, Oscar."
Spielberg could not be reached for comment.
In a written statement, Morris said he was pleased with the development, and just glad something was being done to get everyone to "quiet the hell down." He wrote that it was "...just an honor to nominated, and I couldn't have gotten to this point without guys like Sparky Anderson, Alan Trammell, Kirby Puckett, and my old friend Lonnie Smith, ha!"
Meanwhile, the addition of a known celebrity quantity like Affleck can do nothing but help a 2013 ceremony that would have only included Veterans Committee selections. The only question is, for what will the actor and director be inducted?
"Well, his IMDb profile says he had an uncredited role in Field of Dreams," said an MLB source. "As soon as we get some confirmation on that, we're taking the ball and running with it. Even if that turns out to be a dead end, he's from Boston, for Christ's sake. Go Red Sox, right?"