EXCLUSIVE: Interview With the One Guy Who Doesn't Want the Twins to Sign Johan Santana

Mike Stobe

There's at least ONE GUY out there who doesn't want the Twins to sign Johan--and WE FOUND HIM!

As you probably already heard, the Minnesota Twins have expressed interest in signing Johan Santana. Everyone is pretty excited about this--even Aaron Gleeman.

But we here at Twinkie Town dug deep, so we could give you every side of the story. It took a considerable amount of time, but we did find at least one fan who did not support the Twins signing Johan Santana. Our interview with that man, David Dobkiewicz, is transcribed below.

Twinkie Town: Welcome, David! It is a pleasure to have you.

David Dobkiewicz: Thank you for having me.

TT: Let's get right to it--why do you hate Johan Santana?

DD: Wa--what? I don't hate Johan.

TT: It seems like you do.

DD: What? No. I'm just not sure he's a good fit for the Twins this year.

TT: Why do you hate the Twins?

DD: What? I never said--

TT: Fine.

DD: I'm just not sure Johan is the best fit with the Twins. He could probably win more somewhere else...

TT: So you're on Johan's side and not of the Twins side?

DD: What? No, that's not what I meant.

TT: Ok, go on.

DD: It makes sense for Johan to sign somewhere else, he could probably get more mone--

TT: You know Jim Pohlad is a billionaire, right?

DD: But should the Twins spend money on free agent pitchers in 2014?

TT: Oh, yeah, right. They have way too much starting pitching already (*makes farting noises*)

DD: I meant... because they aren't going to win anyway...

TT: .... but it's Johan! If we're going to watch a pitcher lose, why not Johan!? I mean, the Twins gave Pelfry a chance! Why not Johan!? If he wins it's just a bonus!

DD: I'd rather watch a string of 13 AAA pitchers make terrible starts for the Twins [Note: this is actually a summary of a much longer and more boring argument.]

TT: I wouldn't.

DD: Look--Johan Santana has been a mess injury-wise for the last three years? He's not the Johan Santana he once was. Hell, he was never even quite the Santana he was with the Twins ever since he left the Twins. He's had surgery on his shoulder and multiple surgeries on his elbow. He's 34 years old. There's a good chance the Twins will just end up over-paying him to bring him back since Twins fans for some reason all want this.

TT: ...point being?

DD: You're just a homer.

TT: I know.

DD: *sighs deeply*

TT: It was great having you David!

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