Former Twins Update Clearinghouse (and Travis Hafner)

"Hi, I'm Matt Capps, and I'd like to talk to you about reverse mortgages." - Elsa

Your "Hey, where'd that guy end up?" primer, in convenient internet form.

You all already know that Delmon Young is with the Phillies, as we all shared a hearty laugh at the thought of him waddling his way through a season in a National League outfield. But there were other, perhaps less noteworthy former Twins going to other teams and organizations this week. Let's take a look, shall we?

  • Matt Capps: signed a minor-league deal with the Cleveland Indians. The agreement includes a non-roster spring training invite. He seemed to be a very well-liked guy in the Twins clubhouse, while the fan base saw him as a save-blowing inferno who deprived them of Wilson Ramos. We at Twinkie Town wish him well.
  • LaTroy Hawkins: signed a minor-league deal with the New York Metropolitans. LaTroy Hawkins is 40 years old, just so you know how much nearer to death's cold embrace we all are. Hawkins has now pitched for all 32 major league teams, which would be a record if I wasn't exaggerating. We at Twinkie Town wish him well.
  • Kyle Waldrop: signed a minor-league deal with the Pittsburgh Pirates. This also includes a spring training invite. I completely forgot about Kyle Waldrop. We at Twinkie Town wish him well, except for Jon Marthaler, who disliked Waldrop for reasons that remain unclear. A real estate deal gone bad? An ill-begotten tontine? Neither one is talking.
  • Kyle Lohse: still available. Does he have leprosy? The fact that he's never denied this makes u think and wonder.
  • Travis Hafner: the constantly injured Cleveland basher has signed with the New York Yankees. If healthy, he is guaranteed to beat the Twins on a 9th-inning home run in a 2013 game. You know this will happen.
  • Brian Bass: signed a minor-league deal with the Phillies. I also completely forgot about Brian Bass.
If I missed anyone, and I probably did, let me know in the comments. If any news on the Joe Saunders front breaks, we'll be back later today with some half-assed analysis and a couple jokes.
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