Joe Mauer Records Diss Track, "Being Polite Is Important"


Taking a page from Trevor Bauer, Minnesota's MVP catcher and 3-time batting champ has recorded a diss track to address all the haters. We share the lyrics with you now.

Well my name's Joe Mauer and I'm here to say

Why's everyone so mad these days?

Got batting titles and a brand new wife

But the haters all bring the drama and the strife


Straight outta Cretin, 3-sport playa

FSU scholly, said no thank ya

Went ahead of Mark Prior, turned a few heads

Wish MP all the best cuz arm trouble's bad


Drink 1% milk keep them bones strong

Da skim's too watery, whole milk's just wrong

Keep them sideburns trim,'fore they get blowed out

But the critics all just wanna scream and shout


Had some trouble with my legs, but that's all gone

Knees are just fine, and my singles game's on

Call a good game, get that W right,

But win or lose, ya gotta always be polite


The bloggers all ask if I should make that transition

To first base, maybe, or another position

Tell 'em I can catch for a few more seasons

Sensible bedtime's one of the reasons.


Advanced metrics say I got a mad OPS

Lack of ding-dongs makes the message boards stress

Ask 'em what they want, more swings at bad pitches

They need to chill out, have some PB sammiches


I hit to all fields, hands back and ready

You tell me pull the ball, I'll take it to the oppy

Got those doubters sayin' I gotta go yard

But I just do my work like the folks at Menard's


Now I ain't one to raise up a ruckus

People are gonna b-word and call you a sucka

Mom raised me to turn that other cheek

Inherit that earth y'all gots to be meek


Roll it over to second for that 4-6-3

Let a runner advance, hey that's on me.

But I just gotta say to all the haters and such

I hear what ya sayin' and thanks so much


Well, that was sarcasm, betcha knew that already

Know it ain't right, but I gotta stay steady

Give the beats some words after a late-inning thrilla

"Both teams played hard," quotes straight up vanilla


Speaking of ice cream, that's the very best flavor

Kemps French Vanilla is what I savor

Folks top it off with caramel or pecans

Agree to disagree, that's just too much goin' on


Looking on out at twenty thirteen

Door's wide open if you know what I mean

Lotta guys sayin' we'll be bringin' up that rear

I see you Aaron Gleeman, listen so you hear


Solid starting nine and a bullpen that works

Chase that other starter and get the ball to Perk

Rotation is unsettled on that we all agree

Give Andy some time, and like a blind man see


Just wait until June and please be respectful

Watch us compete in that AL Central

Tigers look tough, Whities got some pluck

Cleveland is improved and KC's got bad luck


Almost outta time, gotta go to work

Just one last request: don't be a jerk

Brief reminder that I just don't hate ya

But y'all be nicer to that Kevin Correia

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