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Twins "Fan" Writes Letter to Star Tribune Complaining About Basic Baseball Concepts. One Fan's Response.

So if any of you read the Strib this morning, you've probably seen the letter that I'm talking about here. If you haven't, here's the link: http://www.startribune.com/opinion/letters/204939861.html

This letter inspired me to write a sarcasm-filled, Chris Kluwe-esque response tearing his ridiculous complaints to shreds. I present this to you, fellow members of Twinkie Town, for some afternoon entertainment/laughs.

Dear D.L. Struckman, of Watertown, South Dakota,

I sincerely hope you don't consider yourself an avid Twins fan with the amount of ignorance you display in this letter to the Minneapolis Star Tribune, because I would barely place you in the category of fair weather fan. Let's tackle your complaints one at a time, shall we?

1. The "Circle Me Bert" signs. You ask in your letter "who or what is your 'Bert?'" Well, apparently you never watch Twins games on television, because if you did you would know that "Bert" is Bert Blyleven, former Twins pitcher, Major League Baseball Hall of Fame Member, and color commentator for the Twins broadcasts on Fox Sports North. He is well known for "circling" people on TV with the telestrator (the device that allows broadcasters to draw lines on TV pictures) that is why people make "Circle Me Bert" signs and bring them to games, they want Bert to circle them on TV. Your complaint about the grammar of the signs is valid, but no one likes a grammar snob, especially at sports games.

2. Using the word "hit" for the word "bat" when a batter is coming up. This complaint is somewhat valid, but the expression, "Player A will hit next," is more baseball jargon than anything else. While there is no guarantee of a player getting a hit when he steps up to the plate, and you are correct in saying that a batter only has about a 30% chance of getting a hit, getting a hit is the goal of the at-bat. Saying that a player will "hit" next conveys optimism that he will get a hit, even if it isn't functionally correct. Once again, no one likes a grammar snob.

3. The ball usually passes over the center or the edge of the plate, not the corner. The "corner" you are referring to here is in fact the corner of the strike zone, not the plate itself. When a pitch is, "on the corner" that means that it passed through the strike zone at or close to one of the corners of the strike zone. This is a great location for a pitch because it will be a strike if the batter doesn't swing at it, but if the batter does swing he most likely won't be able to hit it very well. You know what the strike zone is, right? That imaginary box that stretches in midair over the plate horizontally and from the letters on a player's jersey to his knees vertically? They even put it on TV now so you can see it! Isn't technology awesome!

In summary, your ignorance to America's pastime astounds me, and I visibly cringed as I read your letter. Next time, maybe ask a friend who knows about the finer points of Twins Baseball these questions before you go and embarrass yourself in the newspaper for everyone to see. Have a nice day, and Go Twins!

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