Aaron Hicks and Chris Parmelee are OPSing around .500 and .600 respectively. Chris Colabello and Clete Thomas are both over 1.000 at Rochester. They're not prospects, but why not bring them up to see if they provide a more watchable product at the MLB level, while Hicks and Parmelee work it out in AAA?
As a guy with a mixed minor league record, Parmelee still has a lot to prove, and he hasn't earned the right to stink up the joint for any extended period of time in MLB. Hicks is still an exciting prospect, but let's face it, everyone got too excited about his performance in meaningless spring training games, etc., etc. Oops, we should have known better. /blushes. Time to cut losses and get him back where he should have been to start the season. Let him show he's AAA ready, and then we can talk about MLB.
Are Colabello and Thomas long-term answers? Unlikely, but Colabello is intriguing. A dark-horse out of the independent leagues, he's leading the Twins minor-league system in total bases and is tied with Sano in home runs. Thomas has an OPS north of 700 in over 500 MLB plate appearances and can cover center field. At age 29, these guys are not spring chickens, but Jose Bautista didn't have an OPS north of 760 until he was that age. That's just the dream of course, but it shows that it's worth paying attention if someone who can play baseball decides to start hitting the cover off the ball, even if they're pushing 30.
In conclusion, MOAR WINS PLEASE!