AYEATF -- How the Twins pitching staff was formed

A lot of us THINK we know how the Twins current pitching staff was formed. Either due to the Pohlads not willing to spend money... Terry Ryan cutting down on payroll or just not offering guys contracts...

Whatever your theory may be... here's how it REALLY happened!


First, Gardy got the call that the Twins needed a complete overhaul of their pitching staff.


He then selected "TOP NOTCH" scouts to bring him the best pitchers they could find.

What follows are scenes extrapolated from actual events:



Gardy knew Samuel Deduno was a bit wild, but agreed that he could be useful in a Liriano way. So he moved on to the next pitcher. And told the scout he wanted someone who could see the strike zone well.


Gardy was, of course, a bit concerned with the interpretation of his instructions, but figured at worst, Correia was another Nick Blackburn, and at best, another Carl Pavano. So he moved along again. He wasn't sure where to go from here, but a friend gave him a suggestion...


Gardy was visibly concerned, but realized he didn't have much of a choice. He decided to take a break and watch a couple of movies to take his mind off things.


While at an autograph signing, Mike Pelfrey cleverly snuck in a 1-year contract. Gardy was so dazed from the previous few days that he barely understood what he had just done.


By the end of it all, he was just hallucinating, and everyone knew that Gardy had clearly gone mad. He'd grown his hair out trying to "be hip" as he said. He kept mentioning something about former Twin and current Marlins manager Mike Redmond asking for a naked Scott Diamond. Nobody really knew what he meant, but figured it went something like above.

Some of you may be wondering about the "actual" opening day pitching staff. To which I say... who cares? This is far more entertaining.

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