FanPost

Ass-Kissing Props To Y'All, Just This Once, Probably A Bad Idea

Gregory Fisher-USA TODAY Sports

Just wanted to say how not-completely-disgusted-with-myself-for-wasting-time-participating-in-and-reading-a-sports-blog I've felt over the last few days with TT posts and comments on the signing of one Hunter, Christian name Torii.

It's been one of those things that makes me actually happy I moved to this Godforsakenly cold flat featureless hellhole. Because, yep, yes, no doubt about it, Colorado is prettier. Arizona is warmer. Minnesota is occasionally, and oddly for just about anyplace, not full of assholes. Right this instant, I'm pretty content with door #3.

We'll get beyond Torii being a dum-dum and root for him to not A) be bad-bad at baseball or B) pimp out his celebrity to benefit evil-evil politicians. We'll focus on the Twins sucking again. I may not be part of it, as my friends are currently sick to their stomachs that I used to take them to Twins games and I have a hard time disagreeing with where they're coming from, but consider how non-Internet-y the TT dialogue on Hunter has been:

Nobody told anyone else to shut up. Nobody responded to anybody else's opinion by pandering to site groupthink and mocking those less clued-in to inside attitudes. At no point did threads make me sorry I ever purchased a fucking computer and paid for a fucking Internet connection (as threads on most contentious issues, on most sites, cause me to feel.)

People participating in the argument self-identified as Not Male, Not Straight, Not Caucasian, and nobody made snarky vicious hateful remarks towards them. (Again, y'all have the Internet; you know what the norm is.)

Alright, ass-kissing over, you're still all HORRIBLY WRONG about most things, so go drive your snowmobiles on frozen lakes and fall through the ice and drown and die and have your watery genitalia gnawed off by horribly creepy large whiskered fish, you oddbucket Midwestern lunatics. I'm simply temporarily glad that when my oddbucket Minnesota friends who are angry with the dum-dum of sports culture (and more angry now, thanks, Torii) ask me how I can possibly put up with it, this site occasionally provides examples I can show them to prove that not every sports fan is a drooling dipshitoburger.

Probably a jinx to type this, but I wanted to.