Soundtrack: "Ballad of the Sin Eater," Ted Leo and the Pharmacists
- Suk-min Yoon, the Korean pitcher who had been linked to a handful of teams, including your Minnesota Twins, signed with the Baltimore Orioles. Camden Chat has a rundown on the particulars.
- No, the Twins did not sign or trade anyone while you were sleeping. Don't you think someone would have told you by now?
- Jack Moore, who is ONE OF US because he lives here even though he roots for the goddamn Brewers, wrote a very worthwhile piece on Dick Allen, white sportswriters, and Marcus Smart for The Score.
- As you may have heard, Derek "The Captain" Jeter is retiring after the 2014 season, so if you thought Mariano Rivera's farewell tour was overkill, ho-lee shit, broseph. You haven't seen a dang thing. Anyway two things: 1. Grant Brisbee lists what will in all 32 teams' gift baskets for Jeter, which you should read, because Zoilo Versalles gets name-dropped; and 2. More will be written about this later. Around 9:30, I suppose.